Every time i talk with him i get all giggly and girlish and stupid like i dont know what to say in a good way. He probably thinks I'm actually and idiot but i think he knows that because I'm nervous. I hope he knows anyway. he knows everything else so why shouldn't he ya know. Ow well. its been 2 weeks now he knows who i am he knows everything bout me my short comings my good side my bad side everything i think when he say's he loves he means it i truly do and to be honest i mean it when i say it to. Finally i found the one who loves me for who i am it doesn't hurt that he looks ******** hot either redface no i'm serious to if you saw hiz picture u'd like j**z XD haha I'm so friggen lucky he loves video games as much as i do and he's really smart like school and street smarts.
Now onto something else completely. My best friend is 16 (as am i) and she's pregnant. She's a d student a pot smoker and the father is ,get this 13. She asked my mom if she would take the baby and my mom said (obviously no) she's already got plenty of kids. But none of that is the point i've been thinking about mother hood and growing up and having a family. I mean holy s**t high school is going by so friggen quickly I'm terrified. I'm pretty happy with just staying in my mom and dad's house and doing chores and just being a kid ya know. But my mom has been talk about how i have to grow up and suff. But on the other hand all my dad talks about is how i have to be a kid for as long as i can. These mixed signals suck. All my life I've wanted to grow up be mature and be a mother with a happy family. But I'm afraid my life style wont be good for a family. Life style mostly earning my career I'm choosing. I dont wanna just sit at home and take care of kids just yet ya know. I'm a wild kid always messin around doin naughty stuff (get ur mind outa the gutters you perverts) XD just doin kid stuff annoying old people tee peeing people houses. That kinda stuff ya know. I guess im just scared at how fast it is all moving by. all though i must say my mind has been.......developing into uhhhh a bit of umm well....perverted eek at night ive been having these dreams and there all about making out and situations that make me blush when i wake up >.> like i haven't actually drempt the act of sex but there's been times where it got pretty close. I guess im just adjusting to the whole adult mind set. My mom said to get used to it and that the dreams go further that just situations. stressed not something i wanted to here from my mom. I mean ive only been kissed once, and it was nothing spectacular i ended up slapping him. confused its just so confusing to be told its natural when in reality most people say its almost taboo to talk about. Like everyone dose it i know this but why is it so awkward then. Why do people blush when u say shlong XD when i just laugh. I think its cuz im to immature not to i guess. But lately I've looked at it a different mind set. Like i used to laugh now my mind wanders on its own and its not an innocent candy land ya know. redface to be honest im scared of this change. I think my dad has noticed that ive been slightly closed off lately hopefuly he wont try to talk to me about it that would kill me stressed Ow god im blushing just thinking about it. Last night i drempt (yeah im atel the dream) it was cold outside and it had rained to it was heavy too. I was in the back of a truck with wahmbulance wahmbulance wahmbulance wahmbulance wahmbulance ( tats my censor bar) and i said i was cold so he gave me his jacket and as he put it around me he whisper in my ear "i can warm you up". I rember my face being really warm all of a sudden and he put his arm around me i was frightened a bit so i pulled away and he pulled me back tword him and he lifted my shirt up and i woke up in a cold sweat. O.O see i dont think that is normal. In-fact i'm sure its not stare I was nervous but not unwanting ya know its like my brain said HELL NO but my body said ******** YEAH. I dont like that torn feeling inside me you know. Because now its been following me around during my day like still keep thinking about it. It sux, the torn feeling but the dreams i dont know how i honestly feel. Like i kind of want them to go on but i feel scared. I think its just the whole puberty coming into affect. my face has changed i look like a grown woman and i look 20 and I'm 16 last year i looked like i was 12. Crazy hair all the time blue green pink u name it i had it. Now its black and brown with a single streak of white. I feel more mature and i dont want to in the slightest. I'm funny when im comfortable around you and I'm pretty quick with my responses like when we talk. I'm not stupid i but i act like im three. well i used to. now i have to try to act immature cry This sux. Well to be honest its only when im at home when im at work I'm usually myself again. I guess maybe im not comfortable at home.....hmmm maybe
 N E O N S P R I N K L E · Mon Jul 12, 2010 @ 02:08am · 0 Comments |
