So I just got back home from PA and I am more depressed than ever.
He's in so much damn pain, he told me he was so tempted to just walk out in the middle of the highway and let a car run him over, that it would hurt less that way.
Losing someone to cancer, losing someone you love, that you grew up with to ANY disease is so disheartening and heart wrenching. How do I even know if this is the last time I will ever see him? It reminds me so much of a quote.
''Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, and yet everything happens only a certain number of times .
How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood that is so deeply a part of your being you can't even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more? Perhaps not even that.
How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps, twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.''
All we get in life are seconds, mere seconds and how am I to be content with just that? I know all we get in life is only a lifetime but it seems like so little at the end of all things. I've watched him struggle with this for years but we always thought we had options. Now all the options are used up and all that is left now is to wait around to see how many days, how many hours he has left.
Grandpa, I hope you know how incredibly important you are in our lives,
 Jayce Reinhardt · Sun Nov 15, 2009 @ 02:57am · 0 Comments |
