So I've now considered myself to be completely and utterly retarded. Ya, I so went there. There's honestly no point in being depressed over not being able to talk to a guy I've never met... But at the same time, I've never had anyone to really talk to.... I've mainly been alone most, if not all of my childhood. The only people that were in my life were my brothers. Probably why me and Kory are so close.. He's been through it all with me. I love my brother.. Everyone thought Kolin and I were gonna be close, due to age but that's bullshit. We couldn't be more apart. He's into video games, I'm into socializing. He's into sitting in front of the tv/computer all day talking to no one, while I sit in front of the tv/computer and socialize. Drake is probably one of the worst of my brothers. Ya, I don't care if he looks up to me and idolizes me, he's ******** annoying as all hell. He always wants my attention when I don't want anything to do with him. And Malachi's the worst of them all. He's 3 and I swear, is a ******** demon. He completely destroys my house without consequence.My mother gives him everything he's ever wanted and I ******** hate it. I can't stand him. I'm the only girl of 5 children. The exact middle and the one that causes the most "drama". I don't care. I have to make my place in this family and that's why I've been labeled, "Queen b***h". I love that. Not really cuz that's not like me. Apparently I take and take and take from my family. But the thing is, they keep on giving. What am I supposed to do? Throw it back in their faces? No, I wasn't raised that way. My mother made that apparent a few nights ago. Or was it last night.. Ya it was last night. Anyway, she "hates fighting with me and she wants her old daughter back". Oh wah! Sucks for you doesn't it? I'm not the same daughter you raised or partially raised. I'm basically my own person.She thinks she can buy love out of me. I don't wanna deal with the constant nagging to clean up the house that your sons make. I'm not your little b***h. I never have been. I've said these exact words since I was 10 years old. The day I turn 16 is the day I move out. I've said those words for 6 years now. I'm turning 16 in a few months and I can't wait. I wanna get out of Spokane. I want to get away from the bullshit drama that thrives here. I wanna get away from my mother. I want to see someone I've never met. I want to know that I'm wanted in other places. My dream place to be is Hollywood California. Not because I want to make a name for myself or to become famous. Its because of the dangers that are down there. The people that could hurt you and the horror that actually is Hollywood. I wanna know what its like. I've been down there once and I absolutely LOVED it there. I felt so at home there... I wanna go there... But I know it shouldn't be the place for me. I wanna see my Karebear. She's my best friend in the ENTIRE world and I love her to death~ I wanna meet Cory face to face. I want to be able to look into his eyes and be able to smile and feel at home. I wanna be able to be happy with myself. My self image. My self being. Just myself in general. I hate this. I really do...
iCan Only Wish Community Member 
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