so, i had the sudden urge to just write during school, so i grabbed a pen and pulled out my notebook and just started writing. And what i've written so far is just......well, i'll let you figure that out. here's what i've written:
The days are long and lonely, often as cold as my heart. And I just know if life hadn't treated me this way, things would be so much better. All i can think about is the knife, the blood, and the scars. The nice cool blade running across the inside of my legs, it's so relaxing. The pain, the heartache, the fears, it's all swept away the moment the blade cuts into my skin. And i do it all because of you, my love. I see your smile, hear your laugh, feel your touch every time i close my eyes to sleep. I can still remember the taste of your kiss, the feel of your lips on mine. The taste of your lips reminded me of sunshine, of happiness. I could feel how strong, how powerful you are in those kisses, but also how gentle you could be with me. And i wanted nothing more than to be with you forever! But you had to go and break me! You knew how much i loved you, knew i was fully committed to you. But still you hurt me. You couldn't accept me the way i was, so sweet and innocent, so very vulnerable i was, but you took it to mind that i had to change. You belittled me and abused me, made me feel like i was nothing. And when i tried to leave you, you made me believe i would never have someone in my life again. And so i stayed. I stayed with you, scared i would never be happy again, fearful of what you would do if i tried to leave again. Yet you said you would change, try to accept me the way i was. But i soon saw that was not to be. Once again the abuse and the belittling started again. Soon, i could take no more of it, no more of the pain. So i attempted what i had tried to do before, except in a different way. I tried to leave you through death. I found a sharp blade and slitted my wrists, but in the end i failed. I slowly slipped into black nothingness, and sighed, finally at peace. But that peace was not to last. I awoke to find i had failed, my heart still beats and i still breath. And yet, i feel as if some part of me has died. And in it's place was a new part. It is cold and vicious, cares nothing for others feelings. And because of this new part, i was able to leave. It wouldn't take the abuse or the belittling, not like the other one had. But eventually that part left too, and all that was left was a sad, hopeless girl scared of the world and the people in it. Not everyone sees her, some never even notice she's there unless she speaks, and those who do know her and see her, never know just how much she is hurting.
well, that's all i can write for now. tell me what you think of it. please?
Travelgirl2009 · Thu May 07, 2009 @ 09:52pm · 1 Comments |