school is hell, everyone(aside from a few) hate me. this one b***h is saying s**t about me and now no one will talk to me. i am forced to wake up and face that hell hole 5 days a week. i fake a smile to stop people from questioning me. saying "im fine" when in actuality...im dying...there are some days when i just stop breathing(literally) and lay there....then i think of all people i would let down and decide i shall let myself live for time being. i wake up in the morning and stare at myself in the mirror pointing out all my flaws and calling myself a sorry psychotic b***h. in my school you look at all of these beautiful girls, skinny, popular, perfect. there is constant pressure to be the thinnest one. my self hate is growing and im going back to my old ways....peircing and puncturing layer after layer of skin hoping to bleed and answer....hoping to find perfection somewhere underneath my lies but that is all i am...a lie...a sin. im not fine...not ok, far from it... that's only part of the reason y i do the things i do. i am starting to wonder if i am all the things they say i am:
-a whore
-an attention seeking b***h
-a nobody
-a failure of a big sister
-a failure of a daughter
-a failure of a friend
-just another headlining suicidal teenager
-a freak
-a worthless and pathetic excuse of a human
-a monster....
i dont know what to do...
 L3thal Ch3micalz · Fri May 01, 2009 @ 02:07am · 2 Comments |
