today was one of those days that I should have probably stayed in bed until 4 in the afternoon.
reason being is because I cannot ingage in a conversation with a guy that knows me without crying.....and I'm sick of that happening.
this happened around 1 ,chris was back from Ra knows were ,and I asked him if we could have a talk;I wasn't even planing on asking him much , and I certainly was not expecting to cry infront of him,but I did and for the most stupid reason ever.
yet he said somethings that made me feel better and afterwards I wasn't feeling so down....that was the good side.......bad side..... rolleyes I can't get the idea of my mind that I'll end up alone.
why?...simple,I know for a fact that I'll have to leave.....and all I'm hearing from the voice (let call it my "rational" side) ,is that after I leave I'll be alone again and no one will remember me.....(I have to get some prozac a.s.a.p),so I had that thought at the back of my mind all day plus the fact that I can't seem to be able to sleep much because I get 1)nightmare highligting all of my current problems and 2) I wake up and I can't fall back asleep until 3 hours latter.
on a different note,I whent with julie to her math class (which is the one I'll take next semester),and I was surprissed to find out that they are learning the same thing I learned 2 weeks ago.....I don't know whether to feel happy because it's going to be an easy A or sad at the fact that I'll pay close to 200 for the same thing I'm learning now.
now I'm wondering what julie is taking because she didn't fight with me like it happen last time we talked.
her:you always have an excuse for everything
me:no I don't....you just see it that way because your life is so much more different and you have forgoten what it was like to go through this type of problems
her:your always blaming someone
me: rolleyes thats because they are usually the ones to blame.
and thats only a small portion of our fight......the funny thing is that the magician calmed me down by saying that she is being heavily medicated and that she snapped at him too (thank you Lee for getting what I'm saying whee ).
thats basicly all that has been going on.....and I'm hoping at the moment that my parents remembered to pay the phone....cause if not,then I'll go insane (even more than what I already am).
 yamiruri · Thu Nov 03, 2005 @ 11:48pm · 2 Comments |
