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Questions submitted by you the people. :3
Q: Can I wear you as a hat? A: No! D:
Q: Do Raccoons prefer ******** in trees or rivers? A: It's difficult for us to ******** in a tree because of the amount of space. It's equally difficult to have sex in a river because it's easy to drown. We're perfectly fine with a nice open grassy area. :3
Q: Have you ever been punted? A: Not Yet.
Q: Is it hard having a striped tail? A: It sticks out at times, but for the most part no. It's a lovely fashion statement for us, and a horrible one for you humans.
Q: What are your favorite kind of nuts? A: I personally like pecans. It varies between raccoons though.
Q: What house would you be in, Hufflepuff, or the best house, Hufflepuff? A: Broomsticks are usually landing on our heads by angry housewives, not between our legs and flying across the night sky.
Q: For the female raccoons. Do they have a HOLE to get pregnant from. How do you bang it up? ;D A: Yes. The same way humans do, I'm sure.
Q: Do you have little furniture in your little house? A: Sometimes we find things from the rich neighborhoods that we take for ourselves. We're not too picky. I guess to you it would be considered little though. :3
Q: What's your favorite color? A: Personally, I'm a fan of red.
Q: Why do you raid campers tents? A: You do what you have to do to get food. Sometimes we're just THAT hungry.
Q: Is it hard in winter time? A: Oh god yes. People are always slow to sympathize with us because we have fur. Well in case you haven't noticed, humans, we watch you stroll your butts down the street in fifteen fur coats, gloves, scarves, hats, and the rest of the small rodent population covering your body; and you're STILL shivering.
Q: whats it like being a raccoon? A: It's hard sometimes. There isn't always fresh food for you to eat/steal. Crossing the street is a much more difficult task for us and there aren't any welcome teenagers willing to hold our hands. The only really good things are not having to work, clean, or go to any form of educational facility.
Q: what do raccoons do for fun? A: Sometimes we hold contests to see who can find the best food or who can knock over the most trashcans in a set neighborhood.
Q: Raccoons can talk? A: No, but we can type. :3
Q: Does sexism exist among raccoons? A: No. But only because you can't really tell off the bat. You know how when families get a new pet puppy and they have the awkward responsibility of picking the dog up above their head to see if it has a p***s or not? Well that's what you have to do for a raccoon (even if you ARE a raccoon). Most of them just lay down on the ground and look up if we really want to know.
Q: do you have rabies? A: Contrary to popular belief, a lot of wild animals don't have rabies. Humans just tend to label anything alive that isn't normally sold in a pet store as taboo, and tell their kids they have rabies to prevent them from playing with us. I guess I can't really blame them for that. We don't even know where we've been.
Q: Do you taste like chicken? A: I've never tasted myself or other raccoons, although I'm willing to guess I would taste like old cheez-whiz and leftover spaghetti.
Q: Who is your mortal enemy? A: Ford.
Q: do raccoons have there own language? A: You could say that. It's very minimal and limited though. We have noises for "Run" and "Hide" and things like that. Everything else is kind of understood I guess.
Q: do you have a family? A: Me, Myself, and I. That's often the way of the coon, you could say. Raccoons do mate, but it's what you would call a one-night stand. At least.. for the males anyway. We mate, impregnate the female, then she has the children and raises them until they're independent. It's not like we have nights where we all gather to play Monopoly or split a pizza while we all watch Deal or No Deal.
Q: Do you hate people? A: Of course not. Sure, they make it hard to cross the street, but they also fill their shiny cans with uneaten delicious food.
Q: If you had one wish what would it be? A: I wouldn't ask for much Just to be a little taller is all.
Q: do you like shiny things? A: That rumor is actually true. Shiny things attract our attention due to our smaller attention span. We're easily intrigued by things and become curious.
Q: Are there such things as raccoon bounty hunters? A: Only angry housewives and vermin control employees.
Q: What's the point of asking a raccoon a question if you can't understand the response? A: You just did. :3
Q: Tell me: Do your kind eat trash because you are born in trash-cans to the all-too-wonderful smell of rotting cabbage and soggy cardboard? A: It's easy-access and it's free. We're not too particular about taste and smell of food. It's kind of hard to be when we can't necessarily choose what's for dinner. It all just depends on what you had for breakfast.
Q: Is Rockey Raccoon your favorite song? A: Not to me personally. I can't relate to it as much as I can with "Born to be Wild."
Q: Can i keep you. I find you to be very cute. A: Will I have access to, and not limited to: --> Your Refrigerator --> Your Bed --> Your parent's closet? (I look good in a tux) o3o
Q: Why aren't you afraid of me? A: After a near-death experience I had with a Toyota, nothing really scares me anymore.
Q: Why do you reak? A: You'd reak too if you spent your life in the dumpsters in the back of an apartment.
Q: Why oh why do you have black rings around your eyes A: I have no idea other than it makes us look cool and easily identifiable.
Q: Why do you go into my garbage can, take the garbage out of it and throw it all over the place? ;~; A: My apologies. I'm a bit of a messy eater.
Q: can you fight another racoon to the death? A: I probably could if I wanted to. There have been known cases of raccoons killing each other for the last slice of week-old pizza, but I haven't personally experienced anything of the sort.
Q: What trash tastes the best? A: I'm a big fan of spaghetti. Even humans can agree that spaghetti will always taste good no matter how long it's been since it was actually served.
Q: Why is it that you bite me when I try to pet you? A: When someone four times your size reaches down to grab your head, you try and stay calm!
Q: If I taught you table manners, would you come to dinner with me? A: It'd be my honor.
Q: Do raccoons make good house pets? A: Only if your refrigerator is constantly full.
Gnawty · Tue Feb 03, 2009 @ 10:51pm · 0 Comments |
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