What am I trying to fool myself to believe?
Other than I am okay,
at least that is what I want people to perceive.
Me acting happy is really denial.
I let people believe I am okay by putting on few fake smiles.
My outside is held together with my thoughts and dreams.
Yet my insides are broken, at least that's the way it seems.
I'm tired of the constant lying.
And I don't know if it is possible for me to stop trying.
Too many thoughts but yet not enough words spoken.
Nothing seems to make sense anymore.
And finally when I think I have hit bottom, I'm still not on the floor.
I'm trying to get up but I don't see a hand.
My happiness is the only thing that if possible I would demand.
I never imagined any of this.
I now feel like I am on a game show and I am the one being dismissed.
I keep telling myself to just let go.
But somehow something in me keeps telling me NO.
How come my mind is running a million miles an hour
but yet I am still in the same spot?
I guess I am stuck in my own thoughts.
I just need to look at the whole picture and stop with all the contemplation.
I am just scared of what I might really see,
I'm scared of my self realization.
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