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I've been feeling so odd lately. I honestly don't know what it is. It might be school because I'm sick and tired of being around such fake plastic losers who make others feel bad to be "popular". Well, I don't think I'm depressed; for I laugh and smile with friends sometimes, but there's no way I'm just content; for I feel slightly pissed and sad at the same time, all the time. Maybe I just have problems, most of which I've probably caused for myself. Damn, am I some some kind of frigging loser now? I just don't know, but then again who knows?

God, you say? What has He done for me in my life besides give me my sordid life. I sure as hell didn't ask for it, and didn't want it (as far as I know...) Why is life so ******** confusing if there is this so-called God? I mean if He really cares for us wouldn't He have just made life easier? What is the need for this difficult journey all people must take? This inevitable struggle between life and the desire for death. Why ******** bother trying to be remembered when we all die in the end? Even if we are remembered, we wouldn't be alive to know it. So what if you've lived a happy life, you're going to die anyway. For me, death is a comfort. So there's some hope I might be able to get off this ******** up planet. I don't mean to whine or complain, I just had some thoughts and decided to write them down..

It's so weird thinking about this. Like who are YOU really? I suppose everyone could describe themselves within a few paragraphs or so, but it's a concept so difficult for me to comprehend. Especially when you grow up with a 7th grade science teacher telling you that one microscopic piece of a human's DNA contains enough data that when written out could fill up an entire set of encyclopedias. I believe her too. I'm not sure if it's God, science, life, or just the plain ******** world. All i know is that I am different, and I am a human. A human unlike any others alive, and I have feelings too, just like you. I only use them differently than you do. So in the end, what does this all mean? I have no ******** clue, but when I do, you'll be the first to know.

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Okay, so I figured it all out. Why we cry and laugh. Why we talk to people who aren't physically there (God), or even to ourselves. Why people are mean or nice. Why you and I can see when most others can't. Why we feel pleasure. Pain. Most of all,

pain.

And it all just hit me, like a train at full speed.

That's just ******** life.

I still don't completely get it, but i doubt anyone will. I think the desire to figure it out, to search for it, is what life is really about. (No priest, pastor, preacher, teacher, "friend", god, or even parent should tell you different.)