I went back and read some of my journal posts. And I read a lot of my poetry. They're all about him. I wish I could go back and erase them all. But at the same time, i don't want to forget. I mean, who am I kidding? those four years together, they were the best years of my life. every conversation, every second spent thinking of him, they always brought me joy. It's confusing. to want to forget and always remember at the same time. I don't know if I'm going insane or not. :S It sucks too, cause everytime i say anywho, or sooky, or hear someone call me kitty, i think of him. and most of my music, reminds me of him. There are some songs I have to change the song or station for, like Faraway by Nickleback. and this one song that I used to always sing in the silences. If anyone saw Gundam Seed, there's this one character, Lacus Clyne. She used to sing this one song, In this Quiet night. I can't even enjoy that song anymore. instead If you could only see by tonic pops into my head, good song, don't get me wrong, but its not the same. and some artists, especially the ones he introduced me to, i can't listen to them anymore without feeling nostalgic. I want things to go back to normal... but he has to go through one more test. one test and i'll know if i NEED to move on permanently or not... until then, I'll be stuck in this limbo. wanting to forget, but holding onto my memories.
zoogarah · Thu Dec 18, 2008 @ 02:27am · 0 Comments |