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sometimes... i just feel... like my irl friends suck. (this doesn't apply to cari, as most of these things about my friends don't)
most of the time, i feel like they keep secrets from me. it's obvious when they go off alone, usually just one telling another. but it's like, all of my friends have one friend from my group who is their best friend in it, and they tell all their secrets to... i don't have that person. i don't feel like i can trust any of them with anything for some reason. even sometimes they're just talking about something that happens, like just something that's been going on for a while and it's got something new to add onto it, and i'm standing there trying to listen too, but no one ever talks loud enough for me to listen, and never care if i can hear. one of my friends is moving sometime this month, but i'm not extremely sad about it... she never really seems friendly towards me, like ever.. and i feel bad about not feeling bad about it... i really wish that my irl friends were like kuri, or other people i've met on gaia, because they seem like they'd be better than the friends i have now... i wish that i had that someone that i could talk to...
but i don't.
maybe i'll take cari's advice and write a poem about this...
another thing about my friends, sometimes it kinda seems like they don't care about me. i mean, this may not seem like much, but it mattered to me. on friday, i had decided that i wanted to be partners with jessica (T) for pe, so on our way to the locker rooms after reading, i asked her, and she said yes. so eventually, while we were sitting in our squad spots, i decided to talk to hillary because i was bored, and eventually she got to the idea that she was going to steal jessica from me. so i just kinda brished it off, considered it a joke or something, but apparently it wasn't. hillary had done something, and now jessica wanted to be partners with hillary. this bugged me, because i was supposed to be jessica's partner, and i had asked her before we were even rather close to the locker rooms, yet now she had changed her mind. so i wasn't incredibly bugged by this, i was just kinda annoyed, (we had started the ten minute run by now) and then i was just kinda arguing with hillary about it, and she insisted, that i hadn't even asked jessica. THAT bugged me. really. you can't just say that and expect it to be true, yet she did. so i was like, what the hell, i'll just give up and be partners with her on monday. but what do you know, she's already got partners up to next thursday. so now i'm really getting angry, and i say that i should at least be able to be her partner on monday, considering she got stole from me on friday, etc, yet hillary says 'c'mon, you don't want to hurt their feelings, do you?'. that just made me want to strangle her. HURT THEIR FEELINGS? WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS? WHO CARES ABOUT PHILLIP'S FEELINGS, YOU CAN JUST TRAMPLE OVER HIM, WHAT THE HELL WILL HE CARE? NO, HE'S OKAY WITH THAT, JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO HIM. so for the remainder of the ten minutes, i fumed about that, trying hard to avoid that group of people, which were of course my only friends. great day huh? now i get to sleep with this in my mind.
 Arancia · Mon Sep 26, 2005 @ 07:04am · 4 Comments |
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