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This isn't a fairy tale. This isn't a story in someone else's view. This is all me. Me, and a dream.
I remember it clearly. It's the only dream I can ever remember that's not a nightmare. It's a miracle that I can remember it so clearly. My mother asks in her comic, "Can you be homesick for a place you've never been?" And I say yes, for although I've never been to my garden with my body, I feel homesick for it once I leave, homesick for the feeling of safety. It takes away insecurities, takes away fear, the worries about what my friends and family think, and those annoying boys in my class that never leave me alone, to let me think. Those boys think it's FUNNY to annoy people. Those boys are WIMPS.
I remember the day it rained in my garden. I wasn't concerned about catching a cold. I twirled and spun as he rain fell, sharp drops stinging my skin, my laughter echoing to the cardinal and the bluebird, who sang along to me. As usual, the swans flew overhead. I loved those swans dearly. They were always flying above me, no matter what the weather, no matter what day I was having the dream. I loved them. They made a part of my home. I loved them, even though I never interacted with them as I did the cardinal, the bluebird, the deer.
Ah, yes. The deer. I remember the day I met my deer. It was when I was in a cherry tree. It was clear and sunny that day, warm but not too hot. I sat on a branch, singing with my cardinal and bluebird, who were fluttering about on the branches, and I never ran out of songs to sing, they always came to me as naturally as swimming may come to the little goldfish in the pond. Then, for reasons unknown, I looked down. Maybe I sensed that she was there. But there was my deer, staring up at me with large, admiring eyes. I smiled and slid down from the branch, not hurting myself one bit. I sat down on the soft grass beside her, and I sang to her. She could not join me as the cardinal and bluebird could, but she listened, and that was good enough. She even let me curl up next to her when I got too tired, and let me rest my head on her side, which is different than what the birds can do, being birds and all. On the contrary, the birds could climb to the treetops with me, my head peeking out from the very tops of the leaves and blossoms.
One day, someone almost found me there! Terrified, I tried to find a hiding place, so this garden could be mine and no one could take it from me. I don't know why I was so scared of being found, but now I do. I didn't want PEOPLE. I wanted to be free, and people kept me bound. It was like thieves, tying me to a chair so I couldn't roam. All people, even if they try not to, will do that. Even my friends. I COULD NOT be found if I wanted to remain free. If I was found, people would know where to look for me.
But the deer and the birds saved me. They led me to something like a cave, but the cave walls were made of vines and small trees instead of stone. The deer lay outside the entrance, so people would find only a deer instead of the girl curled up behind her, pressing against her friend's side. I remember that day very clearly, and I'm so pleased that my friends would save me. Even today, I have not yet found something suitable for repaying them for hiding me. I have to stay hidden, away from other people, so I can stay with them, in my paradise inside my head.
 FN Pixie · Fri Sep 12, 2008 @ 09:44pm · 1 Comments |
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