today has just been depressing for me , I guess I've let some things get to me and I know that I shouldn't have but......it happens.
I was really worried during the class today (and during the morning too),mainly 'cause I knew that my brother was going to be at the doctor's office today.....he did go.....and he had surgery done sad .....I really haven't talked about whats really killing me inside......so....I guess I'll do it here.
the thing is.....I'm really worried about him.......'cause when he gets depressed he doesn't tell anyone......I actually found out he was really depressed about something about a year latter after it happened and I'm not talking about just crying.....I'm actually refering to him feeling guilty or I don't know......I'm afraid that he won't be the same idiot that I know and love and what really annoys me is the fact that he won't tell me anything...infact no one around here does and that really pisses me off 'cause I really hate feeling useless.....lately I can't seem to help anyone.........and to make things worse....my parents are paying for some of my books xp ...I know I should be thankfull and I am....but I'm pissed at myself for depending on them......I hate that.....how am I ever gonna get out of here if I can't even rely on myself to pay for something like a ******** book?!......I wish amy was still there.......but she's not.....so now I'm basicly alone in that place (not really cause I have my friends).......there are other things that bother me.....like the fact that I can't get the info that I want from someone.....it's all cause of that stupid barrier.....as if all the other things weren't bad enought...now I have to worry about breaking a ra forsaken barrier before I can attemp anything which is really annoying......and I was so close last time too stare
they destroy what little hope you have and force you to smile while they do it.
don't know why it makes sence in my head but it does
 yamiruri · Tue Aug 30, 2005 @ 10:45pm · 0 Comments |
