Dear Diary,
I haven't written for since Raito-kun has been in confinement. Truth be told, I don't like the idea of putting him in a room locked and shackled like that. But what has to be done for the Kira case needs to be done.
I haven't been able to sleep in days, but it's not from my insomnia. Watari has offered me sleeping pills numerous times, but I just can't find it in myself to take them. I haven't slept for two and a half weeks. I haven't slept since Raito was put in to confinement. I know that I'm not supposed to be personally affected by any case. I know it, but I can't stop this feeling. It's that reoccurring tightening in my chest. Every time I look in to those eyes, it makes me feel as though I'd want to let him out instantly. Is this what friendship is like? Because if it is, I don't quite know whether or not I like it.
Also pertaining to the Kira case: The killings have resumed. I'm slightly relieved though, but I cannot tell Raito. If Raito was Kira, then he would know they have resumed, but he does not. Maybe this will finally prove Raito's innocence. As much as I keep telling myself and the other members that this was to prove that Raito was Kira, I find myself hoping and wishing that he would not be guilty. Sometimes, I feel as though I am the one being confined.
This can't be healthy. I'm letting personal feelings get in the way of the investigation.
I'll give it another month before I let them out. Surely I can hold on that long.
I called Wammy's House today. There was nothing especially significant to speak of pertaining to my successors. As always, Near is silent, Mello is loud.
But that child Matt. He's always there to talk. In fact, and this surprised me as well, I confided in him about the Kira case. I told him that we have a possible suspect under surveillance. I tried to sound happy about it. Optimistic about it... but he heard it in my voice. Something in my tone tipped him off. He asked me if I was depressed. As usual, I denied it. Usually he would just back off, but there must've been something really wrong. He kept pressing on. Asked me if I was getting enough sleep. Asked me if I had taken a break recently. I can't lie to the boy, so I obviously said no to both questions. Then he asked me if I was letting personal feelings get in the way. How does that kid know? All I mentioned about the case was that we have a suspect in containment. It's as though Matt has ESP. But I don't believe in such things. And seeing as I can't lie to him, I told him that I might be. I could practically hear that smirk of his on the other end of the phone. I asked what he was being so smug about and he just said that I'd figure it out in due time.
That boys is exceptionally sharp. It's really a shame that he doesn't want to be my successor.
L
 minikimii · Thu Jul 17, 2008 @ 06:28pm · 0 Comments |
