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This poem took me twelve years to write. Once I put pen to paper it was done in a measley five hours. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but hopefully it'll finally start the healing process. After twelve years of silence, anger, hurt and self loathing I'm ready to stop being a victim. Please enjoy Good-bye Jake
Good-bye Jake
It’s time to admit the scary truth
Of things that happened to me
Things that happened in my youth
I’m ready to be set free
This tale is one of truth
This tale is one of woes
This tale is one of shattered youth
And this is how it goes…
I looked up into those eyes
Soft smoldering blue embers
Burning brighter than sun filled skies,
And oh how I remember,
Those bright blue eyes
And the way your smile shone
The first time you touched my thighs
How was I to know, your heart was a cold black stone
At the time I was only five
So innocent, so trusting, so naïve
So young, so barley alive
So easy to misconceive
Your intentions of affection for me
But there is so much more you see
To unfold this mystery
That is me
Those pale blue eyes and sweet smile
Growing more and more daring
All the while
You were staring
At my bare chest
You laid your hand
Upon my tiny breast
You bark a command
And I comply
As I take off my jeans
I start to cry
And closer to me he leans
“Aww baby please don’t cry
Big kids do this all the time”
I just want to run and hide
Out that window I long to climb
But instead I go and sit by him
Naked down to the skin
Next thing I know the lights start to dim
Now the real tears begin
He pushes me back on the bed
“this wont hurt I swear”
Is the last thing he said
My tears now falling everywhere
I feel a pressure between my legs
I feel his skin touch mine
No, no, no I beg
But the lust in his blue eyes shines
To tell me he won’t cease
Until he’s had his fill
Not till I feel his release
No soon enough he’s still
He hand’s me a dollar bill
And he says “now you can’t tell no one
Cause if you tell it’ll ruin the thrill
And baby wasn’t this fun?”
I ran from his house crying
I didn’t understand what I’d done
I was only trying
To be one
Of the big kids
Jake moved away soon after that
And everything he did slid
By unnoticed in every chat
But even with him gone
His rein of terror wouldn’t end
I was eerily drawn
To seduce a friend
I gave my first hand job at five
I gave my first blow job at seven
What did I care I was alive
I didn’t know it was wrong till I was almost eleven
By then it was too late
I owe it all to Jake
So then was it fate
John, Charles, Josh, Jordan, Nick, Rob and Nate
This is the secret I’ve kept inside
This is the mystery
The thing I have to hide
This is the key to understanding me
It’s why I don’t like
To be touched, hugged or kissed
My memory flashed back to Jake, and it feels so alike
And here I sit in the midst
Of deciding what I am
And what I’m forced to be
Feeling so condemned
I enter a not guilty plea
Those blue eyes still haunt me
I can almost see them now
But I’m ready to be free
I just cannot allow
You to control me anymore
No reason for my smile to be fake
So I can love and love galore
Good-bye Jake
 The Magical Mellophone · Sat Jul 12, 2008 @ 08:39pm · 1 Comments |
