Um, my family is in the flames, I guess you could say.
Well whatever family we have left.
My grandma and grandpa ran into another fight. Again. I know my grandma has been stressed and that she gets even more stressed with the pets in the household, but she didn't need to have so many damn pets for my happiness. I don't even care.
Before when my grandparents use to fight, the always use to make up. But that was in the other house, the small crowded one. The one we loved so much.
I swear, if we just get out of this damn house everything will be okay.
I don't think they will make-up....I really don't.
My grandma is considering getting a job when my grandpa hits the rode.
Like babysitting...
I told her how much stress it would put on her if she did so....
She said it didn't matter.
********' dammit yes it does!
The more stress she has, the more she takes it out on me.
It makes me upset, and depressed. Then I begin doing things, I don't want to.
Like talk back...
Or start to abuse myself because I can't talk back.
I have to let it out some way...
I would talk to my friends...but they have their own problems.
And like to tell me how ********' bad their life is...
I try getting away. But I can't, because where the ******** would I go?
...They'll find me.
I would talk to mom, but she doesn't understand.
And she doesn't help me out, if only she knew the more she talked the worse I felt...
She has her own problems....
I really don't want to wake up one school morning and put on my shoes...and whisper.."I remember when tata bought these for me."
Why should it have to come down to that? WHY? cry
I start to think at night, if I have done enough.
I try my best.
I really do.
But it just doesn't work anymore.
I've tried my ********' hardest to get good grades.
And hope I can give my grandma something to smile about when she looks at me, but I feel like a burden.
I wonder sometimes, if I make her happy.
I begin to doubt it.
I really do.
What can I do anymore.
All I know is that if I include my feelings, I make things worse,not only for myself but for others.
I learned to grow up that way...
I guess my happiness doesn't matter anymore.
Somewhere, it does.
I guess all those years of being afraid to lose myself have come...
I don't have reasons to smile anymore.
Except for the fact I hope everyone has a good day.
 Pain-Killer 4 Dead Angels · Sun Feb 24, 2008 @ 06:33pm · 1 Comments |
