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More about it.... read the other journal entry first... |
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KakashiFanClub (12:17:57 AM): Jessica, will you please talk to me? I need someone to talk to right now, and everyone I'd usually talk to, is offline...
JayKillaDawg (12:18:07 AM): yeah.
KakashiFanClub (12:18:14 AM): Thanks.
JayKillaDawg (12:18:21 AM): What would you like to talk about?
KakashiFanClub (12:18:55 AM): Have you ever... thought you loved someone, and thought they loved you back, only to find out that it may not fully be a love/love thing going on?
JayKillaDawg (12:19:13 AM): love/love thing?
JayKillaDawg (12:19:17 AM): ohhh.
JayKillaDawg (12:19:19 AM): I get it.
JayKillaDawg (12:19:31 AM): yeah, I know what you're talking about.
KakashiFanClub (12:20:21 AM): I confronted Stephanie, that I thought that she might just be with me because she doesn't want to lose me as a friend... and I really wanted sort of a reassurance, but what I got... I can't handle
JayKillaDawg (12:20:33 AM): You got what?
KakashiFanClub (12:21:22 AM): Things she said! They hurt me so much! do you know that we've been together for about 3 years?! And I was so happy, I thought that we were in love, both of us.
JayKillaDawg (12:21:37 AM): What did she say to you/
KakashiFanClub (12:21:41 AM): Stephanie Alyssa: But I know that eventually it has to end...I have to get married and have children or I have to have no relationships with anyone at all
KakashiFanClub (12:21:50 AM): Stephanie Alyssa: It's not because of you though. It's because of society and the oppinions of my family...and because I'm a chicken and don't want to have people who are predjudice against me for having a female life partner. I'm scared of what people think, and this relationship of ours isn't something that I can keep secret forever. Eventually it will tear me up trying to keep it hidden, or it will tear me up to know that people know.
KakashiFanClub (12:22:05 AM): Stephanie Alyssa: I'm too close to my family to live in constant fear that they hate me because of the way I am, or because they think that I'm not really this way just because they don't want me to be
KakashiFanClub (12:22:14 AM): Stephanie Alyssa: So I know that eventually I'll have to have a "normal" life, and it will be the happiest and most terrible thing of my entire life and I'll regret forever that I'm not strong enough to stand by your side as your lover until the very end...but your right about my not wanting to lose our friendship
JayKillaDawg (12:23:29 AM): She said that to you?
KakashiFanClub (12:23:37 AM): Yes...
JayKillaDawg (12:23:41 AM): I'm sorry.
JayKillaDawg (12:23:43 AM): =(
KakashiFanClub (12:24:07 AM): I'm in so much pain
JayKillaDawg (12:24:11 AM): Why can't her family just just accept it?
KakashiFanClub (12:24:32 AM): They are homophobe's besides they hate me
JayKillaDawg (12:24:41 AM): Why would they hate you?
JayKillaDawg (12:24:47 AM): you're hella tight.
KakashiFanClub (12:25:06 AM): Because I'm fat, and loud, and annoying to them
JayKillaDawg (12:25:37 AM): I can't believe that after three years she would just say that.
JayKillaDawg (12:26:09 AM): Are you still going to be friends with her?
JayKillaDawg (12:26:22 AM): Do you want me and Jessica to beat Stephanie up?
KakashiFanClub (12:26:33 AM): Heh, no that's okay.
KakashiFanClub (12:27:19 AM): Of course I'm still going to be friends with her? How Can I not? My entire is based around her. I got job to impress her mom, I got better grades so I could gloat to her, what I going to do now?
JayKillaDawg (12:28:52 AM): aww
JayKillaDawg (12:29:03 AM): You think the friend thing will work?
KakashiFanClub (12:29:33 AM): I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared, and lost. I'm sorry I didn't mean to pull you into this
JayKillaDawg (12:30:08 AM): Things will get better.
JayKillaDawg (12:30:13 AM): Everything happens for a reason.
KakashiFanClub (12:31:49 AM): I hope
JayKillaDawg (12:33:06 AM): When did she tell you all this?
KakashiFanClub (12:33:12 AM): Today
KakashiFanClub (12:33:59 AM): it was my idea to talk to her about it, because I took my own advice, I mean, when my friends are having problems, I tell them it's best to confront them, so that's what I did, and yeah... after work I asked her, and that's what she said
JayKillaDawg (12:34:22 AM): Why didn't she tell you this a long time ago?
KakashiFanClub (12:35:24 AM): She was scared to tell me
KakashiFanClub (12:36:18 AM): Besides I avoided it too, I wanted so badly for it all to be real, and now I don't even know anymore, I never thought this would happen to me. You don't understand how happy she made me feel.
JayKillaDawg (12:38:31 AM): Have you talked to her since then?
KakashiFanClub (12:38:42 AM): Yeah she signed back online...
JayKillaDawg (12:38:52 AM): Are you talking to her?
KakashiFanClub (12:39:01 AM): Yeah
JayKillaDawg (12:39:13 AM): How are things going?
KakashiFanClub (12:39:18 AM): I'm not sure...
KakashiFanClub (12:39:30 AM): YinYang YangYin: I can't stand chaseing false hopes, or wishes.
Stephanie Alyssa: I shouldn't have told you any of this, I've kept it to myself for so long, I can't remember when I first started having these thoughts. I only remember when they started to worry me.
YinYang YangYin: I wanted you to tell me
Stephanie Alyssa: Listen to me, everything I've ever said about loving you is true
JayKillaDawg (12:40:03 AM): That's good.
JayKillaDawg (12:41:56 AM): well, I'm about to fall alseep.
JayKillaDawg (12:42:03 AM): I hope things get better.
KakashiFanClub (12:42:05 AM): thanks for talking with me
KakashiFanClub (12:42:08 AM): Have a good night
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 Savvi · Fri Jan 25, 2008 @ 06:43am · 0 Comments |
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