My plug in baby
Today's topic is instant messaging, specifically, having a full blown argument over any of today's fine instant messaging systems (e.g. Yahoo, AIM, MSN, etc etc etc...)
So. It happens to almost all of us: we sit down at the computer because TV is now boring because some R.Tard put the remote on top of the television set. When all of a sudden, DoucheBaG2007 logs in. Uh oh, DoucheBaG2007 is now online! Then, as usually happens, his message window will pop up and it will say "hey douche" or some other derogatory phrase. Or he may stir up unsettled emotions with another phrase, I dont know I'm just sayin'. So anyways, what happens next is the most E-retarded thing since E-SPAM. "mmm spam" you may say. Well no, listen, arguing over the internet, text only, makes about as much sense as using an iron-on condom. Any which way, someone's screwed.
But its stupid. I mean, no fluctuations in voice, or obscene hand gestures, or other physical means of relaying your point are possible. No, It's you, a dialogue box, and 46 standard usable characters. However, some dont even use that much. Phrases such as "g4u u db, rofl ur gay u dum dummy, lol i c u," and other shortcuts are made. Well, I promote laziness. Therefore, my only complaint about that is that they are too long. "LOL" can easily be reduced to "L." Also, "queer" can be reduced to Q. How many other commonly used words begin with "Q?" "Quick?" No, that's covered in "brb" which can be shortened to "bb" which in this case, being quick is implied anyways. If you aren't going to be quick about it, you have frequent explosive diarrhea or are as constipated as if you ate about a gallon of sand, then simply say so, "Be Back, but Not Soon," or "BBNS."
Anyways, back to my earlier anger at online arguing...
I have frequently come across annoying abbreviations that I have to sit there and think about what the jumble of letter you wrote actually means. When I'm mad, Im not going to do this. "Oh, hang on, I havent read and comprehended your last insult, hold on a sec..." Nobody does that.
And another thing, you really know the argument is heated when the text leaves the lower-case realm. I AM MAD AT YOU!!! oooh big freaking deal, you can write in capital letters... WELL I CAN TOO. And, its really not as intimidating as we all like to think. For example, MY KITTEN MEOWED AT MY FEET. Just say that to someone E-screaming at you. See short skit below:
(person 1) OH YEAH WELL U R A GAY AND I HATE BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS YOU
(person 2) MY DOG JUST FARTED.
What can they say to that? You have clearly overruled the capital letter thing he gave you, and basically stopped an argument right there. Bam, you're a psychiatrist. Oh and another thing thats completely E-tarded...well heres an example again:
(person 2): WELL YOU ARE A DOG FART!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111
Not only did person 2 roll over the argument again to resume arguing, he was obviously too blindly enraged to hold down the shift key for another 2 seconds, making the exclamation points trailing off into an angry, but out of place, line of 1's. I didnt know E-rage lessens my finger dexterity.
As you can see, there really is no efficient way to E-hate. Everyone is equal when restricted to a standard qwerty keyboard. Well all have the same Caps Lock, the same exclamation points, the same shift key. It is our mental capacities and whether or not you spilled soda all over your freaking keyboard that separates us. So don't try to intimidate me with caps, I have them too. Dont "stfu u sam b/c i will tare u n2 pcs" me, because I can do that too, I just don't because I dont like looking like I am three. Ok well, making a long story, well, even longer, I will leave you with my point: (read above for point).
TL;DR?
******** OFF LAZY FAGGOTS.
MY DOG FARTED IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.
