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I was sharpening my claws when Nukdae came striding into the room in his usual purposeful way. I was a little surprised. He wasn't the type to see anyone else off before a mission, so it gave me pause even though I was a solid ten minutes behind Horris.
"Hey Nukdae, what's up?"
"The vampires have Fort Mundaya surrounded. They'll be keeping an extra watch out now that they know we're going to be attacking. Horris has gone ahead to scope out danger. I'm here to tell you that if you mess up this time, you'll screw us over for good.
I wasn't sure if I should be glad that he took the time to warn me or be royally pissed that he didn't think I could handle it. But knowing that Horris was waiting for me and would probably be pissed that I was running late for our mission, I let it go.
"Aw, gee Nukdae. I didn't know you cared."
He gave me that half-annoyed, half-puzzled expression before crossing his arms over his chest and smirking at me. "I don't."
I knew it was just the way things were between us, but it stung anyway. I don't know what I ever thought I'd accomplish there with him. After months of poking and prodding I was finally able to get Nukdae to admit that he considered me, at the very least a friend, which was going to be the best I got from him I supposed.
"Well, the least you could do is lie to me and tell me that you'll miss me at the very least, man. It's not nice to send a girl off to do battle feeling unappreciated and unloved."
I was doing a good job of masking my true emotions with some soft laughter and carefully adjusting the machete at my waist. I really hadn't expected anything other than a harsh comment or an agitated huff from him, but instead I found him looking at me intensely with those orange eyes of his. I didn't know what to say to such an obvious look of... Discomfort. Nukdae was always vocal enough to point out my deficiencies and shortcomings, but never to give me praise or even the slightest indication that he had anything other than contempt for my mere presence. So the look he was wearing now was somewhat unnerving.
"That doesn't make any sense" he finally said as we stood there staring at each other for God knows how long.
"What doesn't?" I asked and was a bit embarrassed at the breathy edge my voice had taken. I hadn't realized I was breathing so hard under the weight of his stare.
"To tell someone a lie, when they could just as easily speak the truth."
So that was all. I had confused him with the turn of phrase.
"Sometimes the lie is easier to believe." I smiled and with my grin the mood between us shifted back into the familiar. "Nevermind, Nukdae. I'll explain it another time, 'cuz right now I gotta go. Horris is probably steaming by now that I'm twenty minutes late." I saluted him before running out the back door and hopping onto one of the Speeders.
That morning like many others, I had secretly hoped for much more from Nukdae as I left for a mission, as silly as the thought was. But it was enough and I was happy with that thought as I took off and made my way to rendezvous with Horris.
But as how all things were in my life, with my brief moment of happiness came disaster. No sooner than had I met up with Horris, who was in the midst of a bad fight, that I managed to get caught myself by the enemy. That in and of itself was bad enough, but then I also managed to lead my captors straight to Horris. It was nothing more than a convergence of bad-luck and poor timing for us, but for the vampires it turned out to be their lucky day.
The first several days of our capture had been routine; they came, they bullied, they threatened, and then they'd leave with nothing. Then on the fourth day, they came and finally gave us a good beating. One that actually took an effort to repress the pain and hold in any yelps. I tried to keep my mind on other things and knew Horris was handling himself far better than I was. They had long given up trying to pry anything from him, which made me cringe when they began to focus all their energies on me in an attempt to get him to submit to their questions. It didn't work.
Then they tried sleep deprivation after the beatings were unsuccessful. So we began taking turns shielding our eyes from the bright, white light in order to get some rest. It was harder to ignore the blaring sirens they used as it went off unexpectedly and repeatedly throughout the following days and nights but we managed to get through it all right. I was getting worn around the edges with the nagging headache that had taken residence in my skull and was sore from all the bruises, cuts, and scrapes I had all over my tired body from the daily a** kicking they gave me. It was standard stuff, really. They were trying to wear us down.
It was in the middle of the night on the sixth day of our capture when they came and took Horris. They ensured he'd go quietly by beating him almost unconscious until he finally gave in to their demands and allowed himself to be removed from our cell. It had been days since we had any real sleep, had been given any food, and barely enough water to stay hydrated.
After they dragged him off is when they turned off all the lights and left me alone in cold darkness with nothing but my pain and a creeping sense of desperation. The lights, the sirens, the cold floors, and even the bug-infested oatmeal had been manageable when it was the two of us. But now my stomach knotted at the thought of having to face these things without someone to be strong in front of. Worst yet my scattered thoughts kept constantly drifting to Nukdae, despite how hard I had tried to focus on anything else.
He'd be disappointed in me. He'd be discouraged by my inability to elude capture yet again and disgusted by my weakness in the face of the pain and fear they inflicted. By the ninth day just the thought of those burning, orange eyes seeing nothing but my failure if I returned ate at me. I had come so close in the month prior bridging the gap that we had between us for so long. I had even begun to feel that we considered each other equals, if not friends. And try as I might to ignore them, my feelings of affection for Nukdae had grown into something that threatened to overwhelm me as easily as it thrilled me to acknowledge. As I cradled my bruised and broken body it saddened me to think that I would never have the opportunity to express even a little of the respect and admiration I felt for him and suddenly wished for more time. I sat hunched in the cold, dark and choked back the sobs that bubbled up out of frustration and fear and fatigue.
It was another two days that I was left alone in the dark. At least I think it was two days. They didn't bring food or water in that time and it was getting hard to track without that as my measure for the passing of time. I had drifted into a fitful sleep and had been lying very still; afraid at that point that the slightest measure of movement would provoke another beating when they finally came and threw a bucket of ice cold water over me.
It chilled me to the bone and I sat shivering in the dark for hours; wide-eyed and skittish. The time before that they had come and were carefully brutal and painstakingly precise with their ministrations and I could feel the madness and despair beginning to creep in from the dark places in my mind. It had been days since they had dragged away Horris and I feared the very worse that he hadn't yet been returned to the small, dark cell that I had been left to rot in. I realized that I had finally lost track of the days and struggled to remember how long Horris had really been missing.
I drifted into oblivion trying to calculate how long I'd been held for, when the next thing I knew I was woken with the pin-p***k of a needle in my arm. I erupted in an effort to shake them off but was too weak to fight them, so they just left me to reel against the drugs they had given me. I understood the way this game was played and had no delusions of the company I was in. Only vampires took such careful measures to gain knowledge of rebel activities from combatants. But I had stopped caring about their reasons for doing what they were. It was only by concentrating on my last moments with Nukdae before leaving that morning that kept me focused enough to fight the swirling, warm feeling that threatened to steal away my will. When they returned to question me and threatened to cave in my skull, they got nothing more from me than a lazy smirk and some of my most prized and colorful metaphors.
It was then when everything changed. Even in my drug-induced state I could see their loathing. They looked at me with all the fear and hatred they held for those who railed against their noble designs and corrupt sensibilities and it was that night when they stopped caring for answers and moved to revenge and cruelty that I almost broke. I found myself grasping for any small amount of reality as the drugs burned through my system and if it wasn't for what was left of my failing pride I would have allowed more tears to fall in the face of their constant mockery and lies of Horris’ torture and death.
After that I was left to rot in silence. It had become too difficult for me to lift my heavy head and with the drugs dulling my senses I didn't think I could move at all without retching. My hair was soaked in stale water, sweat, and caked blood and my eyes were almost completely swollen shut, making my vision blurry and spotty at best. If I tried to move I was certain I'd cry out and I refused to give them the satisfaction of it. So I waited and resigned myself to give up waiting for my rescue and die. A last shuttering wave of despair went through me as I realized that I had been gone too long for him to find me. I choked out a gargled laugh. I'd never get to tell him what I really felt for him.
"Fox, you have to get up."
I smiled in the dark. The drugs had finally taken to tormenting me because the harsh voice that whispered next to my ear was the only one I had wanted to hear. But it was laced with fear and was dripping with urgency I knew was too impossible to belong to Nukdae. So I just listened to the soft way it sounded in my ears and smiled.
"Fox, please. You need to get up."
I recoiled at the feel of a strong hand on my shoulder as pain shot through that side of my body. It was enough to snap me back and I let out a gurgling bubble of laughter where my head lay against the cold, damp concrete floor. "H-Horris?"
"It's all right, Fox. He's okay. Now let me help you."
I didn't even have the strength to laugh at the voice and instead cursed myself for the cruelty of my dementia. I could feel the coppery tang of blood drip from my mouth and onto the cool concrete floor of the cell as I tried to turn my head enough to see my figment. My head swam and unable to lift it at all, I gave in to my tears and began to sob silently in the dark.
"Shh, I'm here now. I'm going to get you out of here. You just need to on a little longer, Fox. You're going to be all right."
"Liar. You're not even real." I breathed out as I felt an arm slip under my head and begin to gently to turn me over onto my back.
"Don't be stupid. Open your eyes and look at me."
I let out another sickly sounding gurgle. I couldn't open my eyes even if I had the strength to. I was dying. I could feel myself slipping away and was glad that the angel sent to guide me through the dark would take the form of Nukdae. It was poetic really and I smiled at the thought as the darkness began to swallow me.
"Fox, don't you dare do this to me."
It was the scolding in the voice that instantly grounded me. It was so much like his, but so different at the same time. My breath rattled painfully in my chest as I struggled to move. It was too much to hope for. He couldn't have found me. I'd been gone for too long. It wouldn't have fallen into his mission perimeters. It was simply too much to hope for.
I felt arms shift under me and roughly try to lift me from the cold ground causing the pain from days and days of abuse and torture to rip through me.
"I'm getting you out of here, Fox. Just hold on."
My breathing became hitched in my chest and I struggled against the dark that threatened to consume me and fought against the pain. He settled my dead weight against him and began to carry me. "Fox? Stay with me."
I could feel the pounding of his heart in my ear where my head lay against his chest and dared to hope that he was real and that I'd live to tell him what I had been meaning to for too long.
"Say something," he growled at me as he shifted me in his arms.
"Lie to me," I whispered.
His movement suddenly stilled and I wondered if my rescue really was a dream. I felt his soft, panting breath next to my ear as he began to whisper harshly to me.
"I... hate you more than anyone I've ever known and if I... lost you... I wouldn't care at all. Because I hate you. Fox, do you hear me? I hate you. Don't you dare leave me."
"I love you too, Nukdae." I sighed and allowed myself to ease into blackness.
I opened my eyes to find myself tucked into crisp, cotton sheets in a room that was dimly lit and smelled of fresh air and antiseptic. My vision was slightly blurry, but was good enough to make out Horris sound asleep in the bed next to me, and a tussled mop of dark black hair at the foot of my bed. I barely shifted and watched as intense orange eyes opened to regard me plainly.
"Hey," I spoke in a ragged voice. He moved around the side of the bed and sat down without speaking. "You found us."
He nodded and glanced to Horris. "He wasn't as bad off as you."
I smiled, feeling suddenly shy. "I'm sorry."
"For?" He asked with a hint of annoyance.
"******** up. Getting caught."
"Doesn't matter."
His response surprised a bubble of laughter from me. "I was expecting a thorough tongue-lashing from you. Especially 'cuz you had to come and get me. Didn't know you cared, Nukdae."
"I don't. I hate you," he whispered just before leaning in to me and softly kissing my bruised lips.
 RP Specials:
- Violence
- M/M
- Angst
 SikFox · Tue Jul 03, 2007 @ 06:37pm · 5 Comments |
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