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How to win by losing
by Jon Walker
“I beg you in the name of the Lord
Jesus Christ to stop arguing among
yourselves. Let there be real harmony
so that there won't be splits in the
church. I plead with you to be of one
mind, united in thought and purpose.”
(1 Corinthians 1:10 LB)
Fellowship — In any argument, your
goal should be to love, not win.
It’s much harder to love someone than
it is to merely beat them in an
argument. In fact, no one ever really
wins an argument. The truth is that
Love – and only Love – wins.
We see God’s strategy in the
Resurrection, where it appears that
all is lost, but then the Almighty
snatches victory from defeat, not by
winning arguments, but by loving those
who wage war against him – “But God
demonstrates his own love for us in
this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NIV)
You can win any argument when –
· You let mercy lead (Proverbs 3:3-6) –
You have to abandon the idea of what
is fair. God's approach is never based
on fair. (Romans 5: cool When other
believers treat us unfairly or fail to
carry their load, God calls us to meet
them where they are, applying mercy in
the relationship.
· You are directed by truth (2
Corinthians 13: cool – Your feelings or
thoughts do not determine truth (1
John 4:1), and the opinions of others –
even a majority of others – do not
have the final word on what is God’s
Truth. Truth is what God says it is;
he is the one and only final authority
for interpreting any situation. (2
Corinthians 10:5)
· You acknowledge God’s presence
(Matthew 28:20) – The enemy wants us
to think the battle is ours alone, and
when we believe that we fight like
we’re separated from God. Simon Peter
provides an example: his use of
blustery words, curses, lies, and a
sword were all desperate attempts to
care for himself. (Matthew 26:52)
Peter learned, as should we, that the
battle is the Lord's (1 Samuel 17:47)
and that we should trust the outcome
to him.
God may call you to make the first
loving move toward genuine healing by
asking for forgiveness, or he may ask
you to extend forgiveness – forgiving
others as you also have been forgiven.
(Matthew 6:12)
This may not seem logical, but then
we’re not supposed to lean on our own
understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) What
appears to us to be right may very
well be wrong. (Proverbs 14:12)
Instead, we’re to rely on the holy
logic of Christ, where the interests
of others are placed above our own. (1
Corinthians 2:15-16)
The Bible teaches that when we’re in
conflict, the real enemy is not the
person we’re arguing with – rather
we’re in a battle against
Satan’s “unseen spiritual forces of
wickedness.” (Ephesians 6:12)
Until you fully and totally believe
this, you’ll never get to the root of
any conflict, and so you’re prone to
keep trying to win every argument, as
opposed to loving those you argue with.
So what?
· You never lose when you love – In
any argument, your goal should be to
love, not win.
· Stop using human weapons (2
Corinthians 10:4-5) – Any method apart
from God that you use to get your own
needs met is a weapon of the flesh.
Flesh weapons include: manipulation,
gossip, slander, ridicule, threats,
blame, nagging, deception, and
silence. They push us into an “evil
for evil” cycle, and that’s like
trying to fight a skunk with stink –
everybody loses!
· Fight with prayer – Many Christians
never think to pray together when an
argument breaks out. Yet prayer
refocuses us, reminding us who God is
and who we are as his children. Prayer
draws us into the eternal perspective,
giving us God's interpretation of
events.
© 2007 Jon Walker. All rights reserved
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