Offical life issues thread

[KoNterra]

Welcome to the official life issues thread


In this thread you may post problems that are happening in the real world, and give advice for people who do post their problems.

Of course, ABSOLUTELY NO FLAMING. And your problem must be true.

Have a blast!  

[KoNterra]

Ha. Guess i'll be the first to post in my own thread.
Theres going to be no illiterate happy joy woohoo yay cute faces stuff in this post. Screw that. This post will end up bringing down any happy joyful mood, even Basta's. Moveing on.

For about four months i've thought i've had a disordered eating. About every day I eat around sevenhundred calories, and if I don't, then I probably overeat. Thats why i'm not just saying I think I have anorexia, because I seriously don't know, I just am pretty positive my eating is disordered.

Anyway. I haven't told anyone offline. No. Way too afraid. One of my online friends who has been through the same told me I need to tell my mom. But i'm way too afraid.
I've told one of my online friend about it twice. First time she said 'It was my fault for not eating'
My fault... for not eating. Wow.
Second time, it was just horrible. Not as bad as that, but still, she didn't understand. And that would be why I think my mom wouldn't understand. Shes constainly calling me skinny, worrying about me, always asking me 'You know you're not fat, right?'
It just... scares me. I want her to understand terribly, but if she doesn't, thats going to make it so much worse. I hardly ate anything when my online friend didn't understand, I just... felt horrible.

The most support I've had was from the guy that has had anorexia, which is also an online friend. Hes told me I NEED to tell my mom. Everything.

About a day after that, I went to a church revival... hahah...
I broke down crying at the alter.
Then I did it again two days later.
People don't understand when I say "I won't miss you, march", because I never tell them enough to understand.

I don't know. Maybe this is a vent. Maybe I shouldn't of posted this. Maybe i'm going to regret it. Right now I don't care.

Help.
How can I gather the courage to tell my mom, or atleast my friends who will tell my mom if I tell them?  

[hashkabob]

I had completely forgotten about the live issues thread that you made until today. I really wish that I would have wandered into it sooner, for it has been nearly 10 days since you have posted this.
Whether or not you have anorexia, this eating pattern is irregular and probably not normally what you eat.
Definition:
Eating Disorder: a psychological disorder of the normal eating routine.

So you may not exactly have the disorder anorexia, but it is definitely a disorder none-the-less. As for that one online friend that you have that told you it's "your fault that you're not eating." ******** that. It isn't your fault. The whole thing is in your head. It's all psychological. Which means that it isn't really, your fault; but there is a way in which you can control it.

It is good that you have found comfort and support in friends online, or just friends in general. That is what you need right now. However, since this condition is really pretty much out of your hands, you do need to tell an outside person in your life, such as your mother. I know that it is such a terrible thought that is hard to even fathom...believe me, I have had to tell my mom some pretty hard stuff. It may at first be awkward between you two but when you finally get it all of your chest and tell her, there is a huge wave of relief.

What you need to know is that your mother isn't going to punish you for your eating habits. The longer that you put this off for...the long that this goes on for, you are just going to keep telling yourself "i can't do it", "i can't tell her", "she wouldn't understand." By putting it off, you are simply breaking down and surrendering to the disorder.

You need to be strong. You need to fight this with all you've got. I know it seems silly when I say 'fight it.' But really, that is what you are going to have to do. You are going to have to fight against your body and your mind and win this thing over. Telling your mother about this is the correct way to approach it. By confiding in her, she will see that you need her, and want her help. And believe me...that's all mother's want to do is to protect their young. By not telling her I'm sure that she's assuming the worst possible scenario [my mother does that all the time when I keep stuff from her]. It may not seem like it...but telling her is the strong thing to do. It will show her that you want to fight it, that you dont' want to be this way...that you want to get rid of your eating disorder.

Keep talking to your friends. But talk to your mother as well. You are so important to her.
You need to fight this.

And if you need any support what-so-ever. I will gladly give it to you if you ever need it.

<3

 

[KoNterra]

<3

ugh, i absolutly love you, moon <333 you gave me the best advice yet..

don't worry about the ten day thing, i've been checking it everyday. heh.

you've seriously made me wanna talk to my mom. i've actually been planning on what i wanna say, instead of pushing it to the side..

i'm pretty much positive that shes assumeing the worst case scenario. ugh, when i didn't want my sugared walnuts from my fruit n walnut salad, she basically thought i was anorexic..

thank you so much. that peice of advice was seriously the best i've gotten yet.

i just... i dunno. i'm so young, i don't like haveing my weight always on my mind. i seriously want to be able to eat a peice of cake without either 1. feeling guilty, or 2. excersizeing my ersh off.

you're so great <333 thank you again.

i'm going to try to tell my mom before i go to FL..  

[hashkabob]

I'm really glad that I was able to help, Ducky.
^__^
Yea, the last thing that you want your mother to do is to assume the worst possible thing, then things will just blow completely out of proportion when you do bring it up.
You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that you want to talk to your mom about this.
I may not be one of your closest friends, but as someone you know, I truely honestly do care about you, and I hate to see people that I care about suffer.
...especially when it's for something that they shouldn't have to deal with anyways.
It's going to take some time, but you're going to need to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are young, pretty and slender enough. I have seen your pictures in the post your pictures thread in the guild, and believe me, you really are all of those things. [I'm speaking from the mind of a straight female, mind you. x3 <3] So you really shouldn't be thinking anything other than that.
You should be enjoying your life at this age, not worrying about how much you should or shouldn't eat. <3

I know that you'll get through this.
Keep me updated about when you tell your mother and how it goes.
Best of luck Ducky.
And I'm so glad that I could help.
:'3
<3

 

[hashkabob]

P.S.::I voted for your Sparkly Happy Rainbow Monster.
:'D
<3

 

[KoNterra]

my goodness, you're great. that really meant a ton to me, thank you so much.

i'm sorry i haven't been active around the guild this week, i went on vacation and uhm, forgot to tell you guys. sorry about that.  

[Picnics[ and ]Parades]

Okay. here goes.

When I was 3 my mom got a divorce from my biological dad, very soon after ( talkin' a few months here ) she met my step dad. ( daddy ) They became very close and spent 6 years together, my mom not wanting to get married again in fear of divorce. But on the 7th year they got married. My mom and daddy ( step-dad ) have been together for 10 or 11 years now. They are both 32.

My mom decided to cheat on my dad with another man. This man is a horrible man, he lies to her all the time and is just a shmuck.( spell? xD ) My daddy finds out and they split for a while. ( some months ) My mom finds out how horrible the other man is and how he's still married and is working out his split with his wife. She goes crawling back to Daddy saying all this crap about how she needs him. They get back together. My mom decidides to go over seas. She fisits us for like 2 weeks every 3 months or so. In that time she acts like everything is normal and sleeps with my dad a few times.

After she had been in Iraq for 2 years she comes home. A week after she came home we find out the only reason she was in Iraq was so she could hang out with 'him' for 2 years and cheat on my dad again with the horrible man she knows is terrible. I have 2 sisters, I am the oldest. My mom takes me and the middle child ( we are the ones that my daddy doesn't have legal lrights too ) 8 hours away to a freaking mexican villa 2o min away from the freaking mexican border.

I HATED it there, I kept rebelling against my mom untill she finally let me finish out my school year in dallas living with my daddy and with all my friends and family around me. Me and my family were finally in a good financial situation and we were about to buy a house... now my daddy hardly has enough money to keep the pantry full.

Should I pack and leave everything I screamed and cryed so hard for behind and go with my mom peacfully? Or do I not pack and refuse to go with her? ( the problem with this is she might get me in the car and then I would have nothing at my moms house, and it would spoil my chances of ever coming back )

What do I do?

 

[PrieaREMIX]

I would fight to stay where you are and love it. She may have legal birth rights to you, but in a court, if you say you would prefer to be with your father for a number of reasons (whether they be physical, emotional, mental, etc), they will usually comply with your request. Don't give up what you love without a fight. Even if it's hard, the end result will be worth it. 3nodding
 

[Amitia]

This may come very late and you probably have decided already, but I hope you'll see this some day.

First of all, that sounds very complicated and twisted. And I can say that I would have already gone crazy in that kind of situation.
But my advice is, that stick with everything you love. You have all the rights to decided where you want to live yourself. If your mom wants to change her life just like that, it's not right that it affects your lives, too.
So I hope that you stay in the place you want to and get to decide about your own life.
Good luck with everything! <3  

[Eolande Silvermist]

Well I'm pretty shy about posting about my personal life, but the other people in this thread were very brave. So I'll give it a try.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, clinical depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I recently went to see a therapist after a particularly bad panic attack, and she encouraged me to apply for psychiatric disability. That really surprised me! I don't like thinking of myself as disabled. People who know me say I'm smart, fun, talented, etc., and I have so many skills that could earn me good money if I got a job -- not the stereotypical picture of a "disabled" person. Pretty much everyone I know is telling me to get over it and just start bringing in a paycheck. But my symptoms aren't going away.

Right now I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I could get a dumb little job in a cubicle somewhere and everyone would be happy with me -- but I've been down that road, and I'd probably get really stressed and end up quitting. OR... I could swallow my pride, apply for disability and maybe have a chance to get the help I need.

Anyway, that's my story, thanks for listening. heart