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rules: 1. post joke 2. trade me Nothing 3. vote 4. no swearing 5. winner gets prize (prizes go up to 3rd place and the one who bigman likes the best gets a special prize) 6. cant vote twice 7. submit only two jokes at most

jokes will be here:

bigman222:
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.

the 90s were good to me:
a doctor calls a guy and says that he has bad news and worse news so the guy says whats the bad news the doc says you have 24 hours to live then the guy says dang whats the worse news and the doc says i forgot to call you yesterday

isaiah1994:
90% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie & Fitch & Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe. if you are the 8% who would be laughing, then i give you credit smile and sorry to those 2% who died laughing from reading this.

lady na0mi:
a 2 eggs frying in a pan..
egg 1said "Oh man so hot here"
egg2 said "OMG Holy S**t a talking egg!!

turtlepower101:
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?

The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist

moonlight_flow3r:

.there was this guy, he went to the bar and talked to a group of customers and then the customers went outside and looked in through the window
he repeated this until only he and the barkeper was left in the bar,
then he sed to the barkeeper: "i bet u $1000 that i can spew beer into a shotglas 20m away"
the barkeeper didn't really want to but he wanted money so he sed yes
the man spewed beer all over the table and the barkeeper sed:" u owe me $1000"
and the man sed:"i gained more then u, i bet every one outside $500 that i wuld spew beer all over the table

Reson:

a guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a horse. the bartender says that the horse hasnt laughed or cried in 200 years. "ill give you 3000 dollars if you can make the horse laugh" the bartender says. the guy takes the horse outside and when he comes in the horse is ROTFL. the bartender says "ill give you another 3000 dollars if you can make him cry" the man goes out and the horse comes back in bawling. the bartender says "before i give you your money tell me what you did". the man says "to make him laugh i went out and told him my d**k was bigger than his. to make him cry i went out there and PROVED IT."

aznplayer4:

a blonde girl asks her boyfriend to help her with a puzzle. Her boyfriend asks "what is it suppose to be when its done", and the blode girl said"some kind of tiger". So her boyfriend comes over and asks where the puzzle is, and he found it in the table spreaded out. Her boyfriend said "ok, now you go take a rest and ill put the frosted flakes back in the box"

jodei:

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something. It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do u think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".


Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."

Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

cazybeauty:

Why didnt the cannibals eat the clown?

Becuse it tasted funny




We are finally open

This Is My Joke

90% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie & Fitch & Hollister said it wasn't cool to breathe. if you are the 8% who would be laughing, then i give you credit smile and sorry to those 2% who died laughing from reading this.

I like Bononut's

lolzness

ok just 4 fun
A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?





The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist

haha...funny

i don't wanna enter but heres two jokes:
1.there was this guy, he went to the bar and talked to a group of customers and then the customers went outside and looked in through the window
he repeated this until only he and the barkeper was left in the bar,
then he sed to the barkeeper: "i bet u $1000 that i can spew beer into a shotglas 20m away"
the barkeeper didn't really want to but he wanted money so he sed yes
the man spewed beer all over the table and the barkeeper sed:" u owe me $1000"
and the man sed:"i gained more then u, i bet every one outside $500 that i wuld spew beer all over the table

2.there was this man he went into a shop and asked for a fork and got one
then another man went in and asked for a fork and got one
then a 3rd man came in and asked for a straw
the shopkeeper asked him:" y do u want a straw when evry1 else asks for a fork"
the man sed: someone vomited on the sidewalk and all the chunky bits are gone!!!"

what do ya call 10000 black guys buried up to their foreheads?....AFROTURF

a guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a horse. the bartender says that the horse hasnt laughed or cried in 200 years. "ill give you 3000 dollars if you can make the horse laugh" the bartender says. the guy takes the horse outside and when he comes in the horse is ROTFL. the bartender says "ill give you another 3000 dollars if you can make him cry" the man goes out and the horse comes back in bawling. the bartender says "before i give you your money tell me what you did". the man says "to make him laugh i went out and told him my d**k was bigger than his. to make him cry i went out there and PROVED IT."


wadda ya call americans workin on a car? mechanics
wadda ya call black guys working on a car? slavery
wadda ya call mexicans IN a car? GRAND THEFT AUTO