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 Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 6:49 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 6:50 pm
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Saved, but not by Jesus.
jokes are fun things, people.
A good witch harms no one. A better witch laughs at the good witch.
The words of the Magus are to know, to will, to dare, and one other I could remember if everyone would shut up a moment.
For every Pagan who actually gets it, there are two who could get it but don't want to bother, three who'd never get it if they tried, and four who can't hear you above all the talking and loud music.
Those whom the Goddess wishes to destroy, She first makes computer system operators
Death is Nature's way of telling a Wiccan to turn off the computer
Two witches, eight opinions; Two Discordias, five tons of flax
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 6:54 pm
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The greatly disputed founding of Discordia, as told in the Principia Discordia, principiadiscordia.com version.
Just prior to the decade of the nineteen-sixties, when Sputnik was alone and new, and about the time that Ken Kesey took his first acid trip as a medical volunteer; before underground newspapers, Viet Nam, and talk of a second American Revolution; in the comparative quiet of the late nineteen-fifties, just before the idea of RENAISSANCE became relevant....
Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."
FIRST I MUST SPRINKLE YOU
WITH FAIRY DUST
Suddenly the place became devoid of light. Then an utter silence enveloped them, and a great stillness was felt. Then came a blinding flash of intense light, as though their very psyches had gone nova. Then vision returned.
The two were dazed and neither moved nor spoke for several minutes. They looked around and saw that the bowlers were frozen like statues in a variety of comic positions, and that a bowling ball was steadfastly anchored to the floor only inches from the pins that it had been sent to scatter. The two looked at each other, totally unable to account for the phenomenon. The condition was one of suspension, and one noticed that the clock had stopped.
There walked into the room a chimpanzee, shaggy and grey about the muzzle, yet upright to his full five feet, and poised with natural majesty. He carried a scroll and walked to the young men.
"Gentlemen," he said, "why does Pickering's Moon go about in reverse orbit? Gentlemen, there are nipples on your chests; do you give milk? And what, pray tell, Gentlemen, is to be done about Heisenberg's Law?" He paused. "SOMEBODY HAD TO PUT ALL OF THIS CONFUSION HERE!"
And with that he revealed his scroll. It was a diagram, like a yin- yang with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. And then he exploded and the two lost consciousness.
ERIS - Goddess of Chaos, Discord & Confusion
They awoke to the sound of pins clattering, and found the bowlers engaged in their game and the waitress busy with making coffee. It was apparant that their experience had been private.
They discussed their strange encounter and reconstructed from memory the chimpanzee's diagram. Over the next five days they searched libraries to find the significance of it, but were disappointed to uncover only references to Taoism, the Korean flag, and Technocracy. It was not until they traced the Greek writing on the apple that they discovered the ancient Goddess known to the Greeks as Eris and to the Romans as Discordia. This was on the fifth night, and when they slept that night each had a vivid dream of a splendid woman whose eyes were as soft as feather and as deep as eternity itself, and whose body was the spectacular dance of atoms and universes. Pyrotechnics of pure energy formed her flowing hair, and rainbows manifested and dissolved as she spoke in a warm and gentle voice:
I have come to tell you that you are free. Many ages ago, My consciousness left man, that he might develop himself. I return to find this development approaching completion, but hindered by fear and by misunderstanding.
You have built for yourselves psychic suits of armor, and clad in them, your vision is restricted, your movements are clumsy and painful, your skin is bruised, and your spirit is broiled in the sun.
I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.
During the next months they studied philosophies and theologies, and learned that Eris or Discordia was primarily feared by the ancients as being disruptive. Indeed, the very concept of chaos was still considered equivalent to strife and treated as a negative. "No wonder things are all screwed up," they concluded, "they have got it all backwards." They found that the principle of disorder was every much as significant as the principle of order.
With this in mind, they studied the strange yin-yang. During a meditation one afternoon, a voice came to them:
It is called the Sacred Chao. I appoint you Keepers of It. Therein you will find anything you like. Speak of Me as Discord, to show contrast to the pentagon. Tell constricted mankind that there are no rules, unless they choose to invent rules. Keep close the words of Syadasti: 'TIS AN ILL WIND THAT BLOWS NO MINDS. And remember that there is no tyranny in the State of Confusion. For further information, consult your pineal gland.
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 6:56 pm
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 7:00 pm
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Mind, this was my 'I need a crappy essay for English' earlier this year, I got an A but it really isn't that informative.
Also, I'm 17. I like to write but this by far isn't a professional article. its full of Kopyleft items, and so forth. Read at your own risk.
How can you begin to describe that which by definition has no definition? This is the problem faced by any who write about Discordia, the phenomenon that hasn’t yet decided if it is an elaborate joke disguised as a religion or a religion disguised as an elaborate joke. To begin to understand Discordia, you need to know about the goddess, muse, what have you, Eris.
Eris, known to the Roman’s as Discordia, is the goddess of Chaos, Discord and confusion. Discordians revere Eris, well, some of us do anyway. When Discordia was founded in 1958 (Or 59, we’re still not sure which,) Malaclypse the Younger and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst did not know who She was. They were at an all night bowling alley, discussing the topic of discord, when one said to the other that discord was the root of all strife. Eris soon set THEM straight. A chimpanzee, standing erect at his full height, came to them and questioned them on several mysteries of life, to which they had no answer, and revealed to them a scroll. It was a diagram like a yin yang, with a pentagon on one side and an apple on the other. Then he exploded and the two lost consciousness. Mal-2 and Omar immediately got to work on researching the diagram, but found nothing until they looked into the writing on the apple, καλλιστι, ‘to the prettiest’, that the two found Eris. This was on the fifth night, and that night Eris appeared to each of them in a dream, in which She told them that She was Chaos, and She had come to tell them they were free. Together they declared themselves to be a society of Discordia, for what ever that may turn out to be.
In their research in the following months, Mal-2 and Omar learned of what is now called the original snub. Long ago, Zeus was holding a banquet for the wedding of Peleus and Thetis and did not want to invite Eris because of Her reputation as a trouble maker. This, obviously, made Eris angry, and so she fashioned herself an apple of pure gold and inscribed upon it KALLISTI ("To The Prettiest One"). She rolled this apple into the banquet, and then snuck off to watch her work in action. Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite each immediately claimed the apple for her own, because of the inscription. Much bitching ensued. When Zeus calmed them down enough, he decided an arbitrator should be selected, and since the Greeks were all for Democracy, they agreed. He sent them to the Trojan shepherd Paris. But each goddess tried to bribe Paris. Paris, being a teenage boy, was swayed by Aphrodite’s offer of the most beautiful woman on earth. She got the apple, he got Helen, and Troy got screwed.
In remembrance of the original snub, Discordians everywhere engage in culture jamming. To those in the know it is called Operation ********. The purpose of OM is to bring a little chaos and confusion into this monotonous culture of mindless order. One type of ******** is the use of Dada sheets. Dada sheets appear at first glance to be a pamphlet, newsletter or flyer, an everyday item. On further inspection, they reveal themselves to be full of absurdities that both confuse and amuse.
Another popular practice if fnording. Fnord is a word coined by Mal-2 and Omar in the first edition of the Principia. It was featured prominently in the Illuminatus trilogy by Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson. Fnord is a word that can and does mean anything. The common Fnording is done by taking a one dollar bill and writing the word Fnord across the pyramid. The pyramid of the eye was a symbol of order in the Illuminatus trilogy.
Discordians hold to the law of fives. The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5. (Principia Discordia page 00016) The law of Fives is never wrong. I urge you to see for yourself.
But Discordia isn’t all fun and games. There is the ever present Curse of Greyface. In the year 1166 B.C., a malcontent hunch brain by the name of Greyface, began to teach that play was sinful because it contradicted the ways of Serious Order. "Look at all the order around you," he said. Greyface and his followers took the game of playing at life more seriously than they took life itself and were known even to destroy other living beings whose ways of life differed from their own. The imbalance this caused is known as the Curse of Greyface.
Erisians also understand that all reality is Chaos, and beyond human comprehension. We see reality through ideas-of-reality that we have fooled ourselves into thinking are reality. This leads us to be perplexed when other people or cultures see reality differently than we do. “We look at the world through windows on which have been drawn grids (concepts). Different philosophies use different grids. The point is that (little-t) truth is a matter of definition relative to the grid one is using at the moment, and that (capital-T) Truth, metaphysical reality, is irrelevant to grids entirely. Pick a grid, and through it some chaos appears ordered and some appears disordered. Pick another grid, and the same chaos will appear differently ordered and disordered.” ( Principia Discordia, page 00050)
But the fact is most Discordians aren’t too hot for philosophy and are really in this for the fun. What do Discordians do for fun besides OM? Why Sink of course! Sink is a simple game in which an object to be sunk is thrown into water or mud or anything you can sink something in. Then sinking is allowed in any manner, to date, ten pound chunks of mud were used to sink a tobacco can. Turns are taken by whosoever chucks their items up first. Upon sinking, the sinker shall yell ‘I sank it!’ or something equally creative. It is then the job of all playing to find another object to sink.
A common Discordian saying is ‘consult your pineal gland’. The pineal gland is located in neither hemisphere of the brain, rather situated between the two. Scientists believe it to be the remnant of the third eye, but Discordians know it’s much more than that. The pineal gland is believed to produce trace amounts of DMT (dimethyltryptamine), a psychedelic chemical which is believed to play a role in dreaming and other mystical states, and is therefore a phone line to Eris Herself. To consult ones pineal gland is to become illuminated by confusion.
Probably the most influential statement in all of Discordia is this: The human race will begin solving its problems on the day that it ceases taking itself so seriously. This, in a simple sentence, is Discordia, a lot of nonsense, wrapped up in semi serious parables and letters, that intends to bring all you cabbages to know the joy of Eris. The Principia Discordia and other books on the subject are all available to you cabbages via the internet and are under Kopyleft Ⓚ, All Rights Reversed – Reprint what you like. Though opinions differ and Discordians rarely agree on anything; to the point where we often spend more time arguing among ourselves than doing anything useful, like homework; the words of Eris still ring true.
Kallisti.
Hail Eris.
All Hail Discordia.
Fnord.
Obligatory Fifth Last Line.
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Posted: Sun Dec 24, 2006 7:22 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 1:06 pm
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Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 2:22 pm
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Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:13 pm
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Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2008 4:42 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 29, 2008 2:41 pm
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Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 11:16 pm
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Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:29 pm
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Quote: Saved, but not by Jesus. jokes are fun things, people. A good witch harms no one. A better witch laughs at the good witch. The words of the Magus are to know, to will, to dare, and one other I could remember if everyone would shut up a moment. For every Pagan who actually gets it, there are two who could get it but don't want to bother, three who'd never get it if they tried, and four who can't hear you above all the talking and loud music. Those whom the Goddess wishes to destroy, She first makes computer system operators Death is Nature's way of telling a Wiccan to turn off the computer Two witches, eight opinions; Two Discordias, five tons of flax
five tons of flax. |
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Posted: Sat Sep 06, 2008 4:58 pm
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washu_2004 Quote: Saved, but not by Jesus. jokes are fun things, people. A good witch harms no one. A better witch laughs at the good witch. The words of the Magus are to know, to will, to dare, and one other I could remember if everyone would shut up a moment. For every Pagan who actually gets it, there are two who could get it but don't want to bother, three who'd never get it if they tried, and four who can't hear you above all the talking and loud music. Those whom the Goddess wishes to destroy, She first makes computer system operators Death is Nature's way of telling a Wiccan to turn off the computer Two witches, eight opinions; Two Discordias, five tons of flax five tons of flax.
So, is the formula something like 5^(d-1) tons?
I hope so.
25 tons seems like it would be entertaining for a while. |
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Reply
