Sexy Vs. Confident

[The Eternal Optimist]

I was talking to my mother in the car on the way home from shopping at the mall about how my current underwear doesn't make me feel sexy. And she said "Then it's going to stay that way" (a cute mother joke). And then I said, "yeah but I don't feel confident is what I'm trying to say".

I used sexy as a synonym for confidence. And I was thinking "Why did I do that?!" I was thinking maybe it's because every time I hear what is sexy, people say "confidence" but are confident people always sexy? I don't know it’s really confusing eh? I was wonder what everyone else thought.

Is sexy the same thing as confidence?
 

[The Eternal Optimist]

Awwww, no one has an opinion for me...  

[Frog Juice]

To me confidence and sexiness are two different, yet similar things. Weird I know.

You can be confident with out being or feel sexy, for example, when Im out with some friends at a party or what not and I'm happy to be very friendly, feel good about myself and talk to new people, that's confidence and no feeling of sexiness has crept in at all.

However, there are other times when I go out or try something on and whatever I'm trying on will be "sexy" in a way, then that's different. I've worn sexy underwear out to places and haven't felt overly confident but still felt sexy.

I do think though, that in order to feel really sexy you have to have some degree of confidence.  

[The Eternal Optimist]

YES! someone posted, thank you.

Yeah I can see what you're saying. But why does society seem to make it the same?  

[Frog Juice]

Society tries to make us believe a lot of things but it's up to us if we believe them.

It might have something to do that women can only appear confident if they feel sexy, you can't have a distinction between the two, they must go together, even though they don't. I don't know, it's weird and when you try and think about it it's hard to articulate, bah gonk .

So yeah, society deems that in order for a woman to feel confidant in herself she must feel sexy and look sexy in the eyes of men. Yay! I managed to articulate it!  

[Divash]

Bingo, Frog Juice!

Western society tells us that women are empowered by showing our bodies off, wearing tight clothing, revealing clothing, dancing provocatively, and so on. Supposedly, women who are sexy are powerful. "She's a smart, sexy woman." "She's so confident and sexy." "Don't you feel sexy and powerful in that outfit?"

In other words, confidence, intelligence, and power have to come from a place of sexuality, or be geared towards sexuality. The message sent to men is, "Power is sexy." The message sent to women is "Sex is power." I would like to suggest that neither is true. In fact, power is... powerful. Sexy is just sexy. And there are SO many more ways to be strong, confident, smart, and powerful, that have nothing to do with letting people demand that you display your sexuality on the world stage.

Personally, I prefer to think of my integrity, compassion, intelligence, and humor as the hallmarks of what people see in me. It's one of the reasons I dress to cover my body. I get some guff for it once in a while, because people harass me for what they assume are my religious beliefs or values. Sometimes it bothers me that people make me a target for their jokes. Sometimes it bugs me to be asked a dozen questions about the way I'm dressed, even though most of the time I'm happy to answer.

But ultimately, what people are really asking when they harass me isn't, "Is she good in bed? Is she hot (temperature-wise or sexually) under all those clothes?" What they're asking is, "What are the beliefs and values that she holds, that cause her to want to look this way?" By dressing modestly, I've subtly forced people to deal with my beliefs and values, which is to say my mind and my heart and my conscience, instead of my body. Try it sometime; it's powerful.  

[Gracidon37]

I don't think that sexy=confidence all the time, but they kind of come hand in hand. To be sexy, you need to have confidence, and to have confidence it really helps to be sexy. Theres Confucious for you.  

[SilverShinku]

Frog Juice and Divash.
I simply love you guys > w <  

[Divash]

Aw, thanks. I think you're nice, too. smile  

[Frog Juice]

Aww Thanks ^_^.

I agree with Diviash, you're nice too, ^^  

[Ambrey]

Confident guys are attractive. Good-looking guys let it get to their heads, so they're confident.

Not the same thing, but they're pretty close.  

[Stirfry247]

i thing it is.  

[Emarii]

This thread sums up so many things wrong with our world!

biggrin Great insight Eternal!!  

[Short_N_Evil]

I think that confidence is sexy but I don't think that it goes back. I know a lot of girls that guys find sexy, but those girls are really insecure and not that confident.