Don't follow me, because I'll be flying away.

[RoseAintMean]

ok this is in the thread that tells about yourself that should sum up things(it is below). i hope to put things in here maybe to help me remember what i'm trying to get to, to be. i dont want prefection, btw if you think i do.

"Hi. I'm Rose. And right now i'm 15 years old, and 5'6" tall.
my starting weight before i decided to lose weight was 165.2 pounds. now i'm down to 147.6 pounds.

my goal is to be around 127 to 117 and hopefully my mom doesnt stop me.

i have problems/symtoms of anorexia and bulimia but i'm trying to fix that and dont worry i'm not going to say it is good to be either. i actually now feel bad i was.. somewhat. and i did not lose like anyweight from not eating a lot because i didnt work out or anything, so it is the completely wrong choice to do what i did.

i have a mom who is completely worried about me going way underweight, so i'm hoping i wont be stopped by here when i continue to lose weight until i'm the right size.

my mom is also losing weight she has almost lost 50 pounds thanks to weight watchers. i also was on that but stop cause my mom look at it and saw the foods.. werent enough. and she has always weighed more then me and now we are in closer range and i dont want to be. she is though 5'3" 3 inches shorter then me.

ok.. i think i said enough. i talking talking to people and helping so you can ask me things like i'll be glad to answer many things.

also i suffer from paranoia (so i have soo many fears, one being.. overweight again, and fatty foods also.), ocd, acid reflex, depression, and other things. "  

[RoseAintMean]

since i haven't like said anything else. right now.. i'm kind of staying the same weight. and i've been walking and rollerblading a lot.

i am also going away this up comping week.

no scale to weigh myself.

i'm going on a cruise. and i wont eat much there. they dont have like anything i will eat.

my older sister said that my mom is going to make me drink whole milk.. and i hate whole milk. i only drink skim milk. but i'm hoping i'll be fine, and not get too sick when i go.

i plan on running every morning. and maybe every night. and i will be walking up and down stairs a lot. i plan on losing 5 pounds on that trip. which normally people gain.. so i want to lose. i will be active. and i get to stay out unitl 2 in the morning, and i'll be really moving a lot.

i am going to meet people, forcing me to talk. there is also a pool, which i dont want to swim in.. but basketball court. and mini golf, and a rollerblading area. along with ice skating place.

after i come back. everyday after school.. i will be going with my neighbor who is a teacher, and other teacher, to go rollerblading 6 miles on a bike path. and in like 40 minutes. they go really fast so i will to. and i'll hopefully get skinnier and skinner as time goes on.

i really wish to be better looking.

oh btw. my neck lost 4 inches, that makes my neck look longer and thinner.

all i need is my stomach gone.. and more legs gone. and some arm.

so yeah. also my back.. needs to be thinner.

i hope that sums up things.  

[Moonecho]

Just try to stray from compulsive-exercising, which is a very very bad thing.
Drink LOTS of water, and take frequent breaks, okay? :]
I wish you the best of luck. <333
And for your height, 127 should be PERFECT. <3
I wouldn't try for much less than that. 125 at the least, we don't want you underweight. <3 n.n  

[RoseAintMean]

Moonecho-ok. and thanks.

ok. i havent typed an entry in awhile.


i haven't went on the bike path with the teachers yet.

and i did go away. and i felt like i gained so much when i got back. took two extra days off the scale and weighed 146 when i checked.
and i didnt run every morning just random times of the day when friends were running to do something or running up and down the stairs.

at the moment i weigh 147, according to this morning.

but. on thrusday night.. i made myself throw up. but not much, just enough to feel not full anymore.

when friend was glad i haven't cut in about 4 weeks, like actually cut badly. but i still did during those weeks, but smaller than normal.

ok back to throwing up, he told me to never do it again, cause he doesn't want me sick. i just do it when my family isnt here and i feel really full. i mean family as in parents, i've done it with my siblings here.

so.. i need to figure out on what i'm doing with working out. it is dying out and i need to pick it up. i need to set a time for food, and working out. i want to make something to list want i'll eat at certain times, and what i'll do at times. so i want to do that today. sometime today.

also i skipped friday dinner, cause i was too busy remember to eat, and i hate that. i was doing so good on remembering. cause i have this friend that reminds me everytime he comes on. and he comes on twice a day, and i couldn't talk to him yesturday. but i did go 7 hours without eating, and then i had french fries and felt sick.

so yeah i also have a long one. i'm sry.  

[RoseAintMean]

woohoo.. i suck.

i was stupid.. but this time i completely freaked out on what the scale said, and just wanted to throw up. and i was also hungry. so i ate chocolate ice cream. and threw it up.

i cant believe i freaked out soo much..

and that was yesturday night.

today.. i woke up.. and my body wanted me to throw up my breakfast.
i didnt.

but later.. i felt too full.. and did suck my fingers down my throut. i didnt throw up, i just did that to not want to.

but i know this isn't and ED guild. but it does have to do with my weight loss.

and i hate it..

so my weight is still 147. i just wish i could loss that extra 2 pounds to be 145. and not have to worry about being higher than that anymore.

i dont weigh that much it seems. but something about my mind now.. sucks. after i lose this 20 pounds i will be the weight i was before i went into depression. that will make me very proud.


i hope everyone else is doing a whole lot better than me  

[RoseAintMean]

yay i'm 143.6 now.

wow.. so i guess i lost about 4 pouns since last entry.

so i'm doing pretty well on my weight lost.

things are starting to get in the way so i'm not able to lose anymore.

such as my mom, and my 3 friends.

my mom says to only stop at like 141 from what she last said to lose only 5 more pounds.

my best friend says to stop cause i've lost enough, and now i weigh less than here and she is shorter than me. and i never wanted to be skinnier than her anyways.

my other close friend said to stop cause he is soo worried about my ED-nos and that other i'm not gonna stop once i'm the weight i told him.

and my other friend is like.. scared to and i know he is.. he doesn't want me sick like the others.


i cant go to 127 i cant even go to 140 without people having problems. i still wish i was 127, but i'll try my best to get down to.. 135 without them actually noticing.

i dont eat more than 1000 calories, when i'm suppose to get around 1500.

i was only eating 500 today, but i felt super dizzy and my friend.. i ate for him. an extra 300 more than i was gonna.

i hate them worrying about me.. but.. i just.. want to be happier with myself. and not be that fat kid always..

i did put pictures in a psot on the main thingy and you can tell me if i am skinny enough yet.  

[RoseAintMean]

so.. on the 3rd.. i ate very little food. but i was so happy i didnt eat junk food. again.. i ate more for my friend.. he must care a lot. since i was only gonna eat 86 calories.. and he made me eat.. like.. up too 200.

then on the 4th.. i was a big and eat over 1000 calories.

and now today i had a nice early walk, i should do that on the weekends a lot. it was 3 miles and i also ran a little afterwards.
and with the calories today.. eating.. maybe 800 by the end of today.

so.. i need to make my goal clear.

Goal Weight short term (end of winter): 135
Goal Weight long term: 125
Goal BMI: 20-18

Goal for exercise: be able to run 10 minutes straight and not be tired, and to in the summer be able to walk the 10 mile race without being too tired, also.. doing 50 pushups regular.

Goal for stomach: see.. my abs.
Goals for legs: slimer, able to fit into size 7 or 5 with so extra room.
Goal for arms: lower arms-boneish looking with small wrists, and upper arms less flabby.



That looks a lot better.

at the momemt i am 144.4, since i gained a little back cause of candy..  

[The Eternal Optimist]

Hey Rose,

I was looking at your post about have 200 something calories I was like WHAT!! I could never do that, and i got a little worried about you not eating enough. So i looked at your goals and went 117 she'll be so skinny, but accourding to your BMI that's an okay weight for your hieght.

i can see why your mom is worried though. Just remember food isn't the enemy you have no enemy, food nurishes your body, so 1500 calories a day with lots of veggies and whole wheat bread and grilled chicken and all that is okay biggrin (but i'm sure you already know that)

You can do it biggrin

-Elles  

[RoseAintMean]

The Eternal Optimist

Hey Rose,

I was looking at your post about have 200 something calories I was like WHAT!! I could never do that, and i got a little worried about you not eating enough. So i looked at your goals and went 117 she'll be so skinny, but accourding to your BMI that's an okay weight for your hieght.

i can see why your mom is worried though. Just remember food isn't the enemy you have no enemy, food nurishes your body, so 1500 calories a day with lots of veggies and whole wheat bread and grilled chicken and all that is okay biggrin (but i'm sure you already know that)

You can do it biggrin

-Elles

thanks for ther concern and all.

oh.. yeah i have an EDnos so that is y... sometimes.. i just wont eat much just so i feel thinner, and i'll make myself throwup too.. so yeah.. but i'll be getting over.. this sometime.

i love veggys soo much. but i dont like bread much. and i dont eat meat so no chicken. but i do know they are all good for everyone.  

[The Eternal Optimist]

RoseAintMean

The Eternal Optimist

Hey Rose,

I was looking at your post about have 200 something calories I was like WHAT!! I could never do that, and i got a little worried about you not eating enough. So i looked at your goals and went 117 she'll be so skinny, but accourding to your BMI that's an okay weight for your hieght.

i can see why your mom is worried though. Just remember food isn't the enemy you have no enemy, food nurishes your body, so 1500 calories a day with lots of veggies and whole wheat bread and grilled chicken and all that is okay biggrin (but i'm sure you already know that)

You can do it biggrin

-Elles

thanks for ther concern and all.

oh.. yeah i have an EDnos so that is y... sometimes.. i just wont eat much just so i feel thinner, and i'll make myself throwup too.. so yeah.. but i'll be getting over.. this sometime.

i love veggys soo much. but i dont like bread much. and i dont eat meat so no chicken. but i do know they are all good for everyone.

Mmm red peppers biggrin  

[RoseAintMean]

i didnt skip a meal all last week 3nodding xd whee
so proud of myself!!

ok.. all i had to say.  

[RoseAintMean]

Congrats to me i guess. so today i went shopping with my sister and my mom.

i normally wear 12 or 10 in women's clothes and all.
i wanted to see what size i really wear in pants.
i wear size 6! wow. so like 2 or 3 sizes smaller than before.

it is great to know that i fit in a size 6 and i never could before, but i never wore women's unitl i was in size 10 anyways. i cant wait to see what i wear in juniors now, but i couldnt check that.

my mom thought i wasnt able to fit in size 6 but i did, and it isnt even tight, but i know i wont fit in size 4.

i'm super happy about that. and this girl at school said i was gonna be able to fit in 6 and i did, and i didnt believe her before, but now it is like unreal.

i am running all 6 minutes in gym yayay!! and i am eating over 1000 too, that is good.  

[RoseAintMean]

uh... well...
somethings have changed since last entry...

i'm some weight right now... i hate how my weigh goes up and down sooo much now. i'm still in the 140s, and still below 145. not below 142 anymore...

I cut on sunday, not like that matters here. but i ate over 1000 that day.

I'm tending to eat not over 1000 anymore, most of the time even below 850 actually.

today... i made myself throwup... but i'm going to get back on track.

the holidays suck soooo bad i just want to be losing weight still. 135 by end of winter... hopefully i get there someday... soon anyways.  

[RoseAintMean]

yeah... i havent skipped a meal in a long time.
i haven't threwup since the last post.
(doesnt mean i might not again for both)


i have 10 pounds to lose until march 20th.

i've been eating a lot... and over 1000 a lot more then before.

my lowest was 141.2. and now i am 145 again!

i hate holidays...

i havent cut either xd

ok... so i got a DDR for christmas and i have been using it.
and i got size 9 pants in juniors 3nodding and i wore it and it is my size... i dont have pants my size.. and when i tried it day after christmas at the store they were kind of tight, and then i wore them yesturday, and they were looser, like on the legs since i did DDR and actually the waist was a tiny tiny bit loose.


my friend said i'm allowed to lose to 130. and so i will. i am going to be that. uh... anddddddd....

i forgot what else i was going to say.  

[RoseAintMean]

Well, 141.6 yay!! congrats to me.

i have until march 20th to be 135, to reach my goal.

then i'll get down to 130 sometime.

so 6.6 more pounds in a month 3nodding cry mad eek

i'm so worried i'm not going to get there...