Top 10 things in Star Trek that we wonder about

[MagnusHansen]

Edit: This is not my own, I found this online.
I just thought that everyone would like to read this. rofl

10. Noisy Doors:
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or
screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're
dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" or "fssshhhht!" every time a
person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40!

9. Spandex Uniforms:
Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.

8. Reversing the Polarity:
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might
work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on
good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in
Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."

Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity
reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously
explode whenever they put the juice to it.

7. Seatbelts:
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an
explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head
with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might
think of inventing some futuristic restraining device to prevent that from
happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second
Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it?
A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels
good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There
goes Kirk's torso!"

6. No Fuses:
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and
consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less
operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the
polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest
Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he
could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge
personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding
console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.

5. Rule by Committee:
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best Sci-Fi show on TV last
year:
Star Trek:
Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it
appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say
something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon
warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."

Firefly:
Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye, Aye, sir!"

4. A Star Trek Quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one
isn't coming back?

3. Technobabble:
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by
reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my
satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the
space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunneling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

2. The Holodeck:
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use
it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegee the holodeck clean.

1. The Prime Directive:
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny
stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne look-alikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The
Earth-shattering Kaboom.  

[Dr. Leonard McCoy]

#9 has always bothered me... All they have is a utility belt... Why don't they were clothes like Serino Jones(sp?). He was a man of a million pockets. (if you don't remember he was the merchant that sold the tribbles to the space station in "Trouble with Tribbles")

#2 and #4... yeah... Umm... I laughed when I read those.

What was the purpose of being a red shirt in Starfleet... the chances you would die long before you had the chance to be a captian were high! Why risk it. lol

And wasn't there an episode of one of the Star Trek's were they put a Vulcan in the Holodeck for the very reason you are hinting at... wink Crazy Vulcan's and their ruts!  

[Jimmie Ingram]

I always wondred why Doctor McCoy use's a salt shaker to examine's people. Is that high tech or just low bugdeting?  

[PhotoShopGraffiti]

Why don't they make seatbelts, or at least something to hang on to? Crew members are always flying all over the place!  

[Dr. Leonard McCoy]

Julian Bashir

I always wondred why Doctor McCoy use's a salt shaker to examine's people. Is that high tech or just low bugdeting?

xd Way to go low budget!!!  

[Steel Sterling]

Stuff I've wondered.....


Why was money actually abolished by the Federation?
It's obvious they need it when interacting with the Ferengi and so on.
How do they pay off Yridians with information to sell?


If the Enterprise-D is filled with the best and brightest, being the
Federation Flagship, why was Wesley solving 1/2 the crises?

If the Enterprise-D really is the Federation Flagship, why did it spend so
much time playing Astronomy Telescope?
"Our mission is to chart this gaseous anomaly..."


Was Starfleet's respect for the rights of its officers really that lax?
Data was designed by Dr Soongh. He was found by Starfleet.
That no more made him their property than 9/11 First Responders got to
keep the rescued people as their slaves.
Data applied to the Academy, took all the tests, was accepted, completed
his education there, and spent a number of years as an officer, earning
commendations of different types.
Then one day, Bruce Maddox wants to run "experiments" on him that
include COMPLETELY DISASSEMBLING HIM. Data, naturally, says no.

Then Starfleet announces that they own his a**, and he can't refuse this
any more than a starship can refuse a refit.

When did Starfleet become able to revoke the civil rights of its officers?
Data was a full citizen, person, and officer for decades, but they can
revoke that when it's convenient? Is there no equivalent of the ACLU
that would contest this? Does Starfleet "own" the other officers?
Can they, say, force Picard to accept a hair transplant?
Or Sisko to get a computer interface to his brain?  

[Odin Von Dursfel]

Ahaha, it's all so true!

9) The male crew of TNG were SO happy when they gave them real uniforms instead of those spandex one-piecers. They had back problems like no other!

7) Now let me point out, this is what INTERTIAL DAMPERS are for!!!! They're waht keep everyone in place, ESPECIALLY when they go to warp so they don't all turn to goo on the back of the bridge. And also, in the new books, Titan with Captain Riker in command, the USS Titan actually DOES have automatic seatbelts. (Which Riker is none too fond of)

6) That's one thing I've always felt sorry for the poor underlings. No seats! They must have legs of steel!

3) I love talking like that! It makes all the anti-Trekkies so mad! XD

2) AHAHA!!!! Every time someone's in Quark's holosuites I think abou that! Especially in "The Nagus" where you hear Zek giggling and *shudders* Okay I'll stop now. Quark probably gets Rom to do it.

1) Anyone else notice that the Prime Directive is broken more often that obeyed? But think about it, where would we all be without it? What if the Vulcans just came along tomorrow and said "Here's warp drive. Go wild." WE WOULD ALL FREAKIN BE KILLED BY QUANTUM TORPEDO WEILDING TERRORISTS.

That is all.  

[Nami_1]

# 4 made me laugh a lot blaugh lol  

[Kristof Canada]

The holodeck is most certainly the Trek equivalent of the internet, and is therefore for Porn.  

[Naphatarie]

Odin Von Dursfel

1) Anyone else notice that the Prime Directive is broken more often that obeyed? But think about it, where would we all be without it? What if the Vulcans just came along tomorrow and said "Here's warp drive. Go wild." WE WOULD ALL FREAKIN BE KILLED BY QUANTUM TORPEDO WEILDING TERRORISTS.

That is all.

I wouldn't be killed. I'd jump on their ship and seduce one of hot Vulcan girls... ^_^  

[-[.Moo.]-]

Woah, that made me lol.

One thing I've always wondered about is...

HOW THE ******** DOES THE TURBOLIFT WORK?

I mean... It goes all the way round the ship.

And
What happened to Tom and Janeway's lizard-children?


And the Holodeck.. Wouldn't they walk into the walls?

Oh
And in TOS, Sulu always looks into an Overhead Projector, which is made to look like a sensor readout or something!


Also.. Why are the TOS planets always red, sandy and rocky?

+==+==+moo+

 

[Emi Uoza]

No, Marvin would be in jail for attempting to destroy an under developed planet! Bugs would probably be risen to the rank of Admiral for using Marvin's own weapon against him.  

[Lord Redtail Rathan]

Emi Uoza

No, Marvin would be in jail for attempting to destroy an under developed planet! Bugs would probably be risen to the rank of Admiral for using Marvin's own weapon against him.

Now why would that not suprise me.

-[.Moo.]-

HOW THE ******** DOES THE TURBOLIFT WORK?

The same way Willy Wonka's elevator works. CANDY POWER!!!

MagnusHansen

Rule by Committee:
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best Sci-Fi show on TV last
year:
Star Trek:
Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it
appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say
something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon
warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."

Firefly:
Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye, Aye, sir!"

Hmm. The Firefly part reminds me of my Drill Sergeant.

MagnusHansen

Technobabble:
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by
reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my
satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the
space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunneling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

I used something similar before to a trekkie teacher of mine before, and he told me to go call Scotty, and tell him to beam me directly to the brig. xd

Emi Uoza

If the Enterprise-D really is the Federation Flagship, why did it spend so
much time playing Astronomy Telescope?
"Our mission is to chart this gaseous anomaly..."

Better question. Ain't flagships ALWAYS commanded by admirals?