Honour systems and "normal" interpersonal interactions.

[CuAnnan]

I have a personally demanding honor code. I know several other pagans and heathens have similar.

I have, several times at this stage, been in a position where I have had to choose between my honour system and friends. As cold as it seems, I will drop friends if my honour system demands it. I have bent this rule once or twice but I will never break it.

My honour system is a set of behavioural guidelines I have agreed upon with my Gods.

In the past, I have lost five friends to my honour system. I view these losses as deaths. I mourn the friends and then move on.

How does your path/how do you deal with conflicts such as these?  

[Pelta]

reagun ban

I have, several times at this stage, been in a position where I have had to choose between my honour system and friends. As cold as it seems, I will drop friends if my honour system demands it. I have bent this rule once or twice but I will never break it.

This sounds a bit worrying. neutral Is everything ok?

Quote:

How does your path/how do you deal with conflicts such as these?

Nothing lasts forever. As painful as it may be, friendships die like people do. Sometimes it's just natural and sometimes you can be cut off from them for whatever reason. There really aint much you can do about it. You do what you have to do and life continues.

You can always have hugs if you need them though. biggrin  

[TeaDidikai]

[ Message temporarily off-line ]  

[[GWW Guild Mule]]

Wow. I am the same way, if I am going to do something, and if I promise I will go it, to myself, my God or Goddess, or anyone, then I am going to do it, no matter what.
Yet, I cannot promise something I can't do, or think I can't do. I can't be a nice person, but I can Try and be a nice person. <3
Yeah, sorry if I went off track.

 

[TeaDidikai]

Kansas Kandi

Wow. I am the same way, if I am going to do something, and if I promise I will go it, to myself, my God or Goddess, or anyone, then I am going to do it, no matter what.
Yet, I cannot promise something I can't do, or think I can't do. I can't be a nice person, but I can Try and be a nice person. <3
Yeah, sorry if I went off track.

Have you found that such standards cause you to sacrifice things?  

[midara the happy banshee]

Heh, it' so ironic for me to see this right now. Just earlier today my fiance's father had a hissy fit that escalated into him screaming at me inches from my face and running after me yelling as I exited the house. It was highly insulting, and not the sort of behavior I tolerate from anyone, regardless of their relation to me. I now have to decide whether I'm going to sacrifice my time with my fiance (his house is the only place we get real quality time, and neither of us make enough money to move out after paying for tuition), or allow a slight like this to not be dealt with. My code of honor obviously disallows this sort of slight, but it also disallows abandoning a relationship. Regardless, my relationship with my inlaws is terminated.  

[Doctrix]

I'm rediculously loyal. Luckily my honour code is such that I don't often come into a position in which I am tempted to compromise it at all.  

[PurpleDragonsGems]

I'm not sure 'honour' code is the correct terminology for me, 'moral' code seems to fit better. My family has a very strong set of morals and I have lost friends over it. But I do not mourn these losses. As far as I or my family is concerned, if you could not fit into our morals, you were not worth being a friend in the first place. Example: a girl I knew invited me to spend the night with her and her boyfriend to celebrate they're new apartment, so I go over and we are watching movies, then he brings out weed. I ask to be taken home and have little, until evenually no contact with these people again. I'm not saying that if someone has ever done drugs at all that I won't be their friend, but if they are actively doing any kind of illegel substance, or involved in illegel activity, then no, I will not be around that person. Much of my family were/are military or work in correctional facilities.  

[TeaDidikai]

That is something to note- I don't put myself in the middle of other people's issues. While slights visited upon my friends can compound problems that already exist issues between the person who commited the offence, they do not unto themselves warrent action on my part unless the individual is my charge, or the action is unconscionable.

Civil authorities hold no sway in my overall ethics and do not trump my loyality.  

[Pelta]

Dragon_Witch_Woman

I'm not sure 'honour' code is the correct terminology for me, 'moral' code seems to fit better. My family has a very strong set of morals and I have lost friends over it. But I do not mourn these losses. As far as I or my family is concerned, if you could not fit into our morals, you were not worth being a friend in the first place. Example: a girl I knew invited me to spend the night with her and her boyfriend to celebrate they're new apartment, so I go over and we are watching movies, then he brings out weed. I ask to be taken home and have little, until evenually no contact with these people again. I'm not saying that if someone has ever done drugs at all that I won't be their friend, but if they are actively doing any kind of illegel substance, or involved in illegel activity, then no, I will not be around that person. Much of my family were/are military or work in correctional facilities.

Just on the flip side, I've been on the recieving end of something like this. I told my best friend I smoked in 8th grade because I thought enough of her not to want to hide anything from her. She thereafter refused to talk to me except for the short conversation in which she terminated our friendship. A couple months later I shared a joint with that very girl's older sister and I remember being so bitter. Of course it was ok if her own family did it, it just wasn't ok for me to. Malleable honor codes suck, especially if you're on the recieving end.  

[CuAnnan]

missmagpie

This sounds a bit worrying. neutral Is everything ok?

I'm a little sore, stiff, injured, bruised and angry.

I've been obliged to terminate a friendship and came very very close to terminating another.

There will be some frying involved, hopefully the pair of us can refrain cap'n carrot from doing anything we'll all regret.

Other than being a bit of a physical and emotional wreak, I'm good. Once the frying and cap'n carrot containment is dealt with, I'll be great.

missmagpie

You can always have hugs if you need them though. biggrin

smile  

[Starlock]

Seems that a great many people have honor systems which I personally wouldn't call honorable, but that's somewhat irrelevant as honor has many definitions to different people. Like Dragon Witch Woman, my Code of Honor is something much more akin to a moral or ethical code. In my mind that's what a Code is supposed to be, or at the very least a Code intrinsically has ethical and moral repercussions. I can't say I've ever lost friends due to holding a Code and it confuses me that other people have lost friends due to their own Codes. Perhaps this is because one of my own tenants is to choose friends (and by friends I mean close friends, not aquaintences or people you casually have conversations with) carefully, because a friend that offends your Code will be very difficult to keep...  

[CuAnnan]

Starlock

Perhaps this is because one of my own tenants is to choose friends (and by friends I mean close friends, not aquaintences or people you casually have conversations with) carefully, because a friend that offends your Code will be very difficult to keep...

In the first two cases, the people asked me for a blessing on their relationship. My condition was an oath. They broak the oath. End of friendship.

In the second case, the guy trashed my room, scattered my altar on the floor, broke my wand and bent my athame. End of friendship.

In the third case, the guy acted in my name, contrary to my wishes, defended the actions. End of friendship.  

[saint dreya]

hmm, i'm still a bit sketchy on what my honor code fully entails. the little i know of that i hold fully, yes, i have had circumstances that have 'put my back to the wall'.

i despise lying. this cost me the friendship i had with my cousin. she is still my family, i do still love her, but i refuse to spend time with her outside of family gatherings until she acknowledges fully the ramifications of her lying, and chooses to refrain from doing it again.  

[TatteredAngel]

I don't know if I would call it my code of honor necessarily, since it's less code-like and more driven by patience or lack therof, but there are points at which I stop tolerating certain behaviors. It has ended friendships, but when it gets to that point, it's not like I feel that I have to end the friendship even when I don't want to- chances are their actions make me not want to be friends any more.