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hahaha. Triste, you suck. |
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Total Votes : 24 |
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 4:40 pm
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aka Help! My friend is possessed by fake demons!
aka How to exorcize demons when you don't believe in exorcisms.
aka Triste has bad taste in friends. And girlfriends. Seriously. My ex is a crazed Neo-Nazi (Oh god I loved her so much. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.) and now one of my new friends, Felicia, is under the impression that she is possessed by demonic entities.
Let me preface this by saying that I do not believe in demons, or evil spirits, or magic, or anything of the sort: I'm an atheist. Even if I did believe in demons, I think I would find it extremely unlikely that Felicia is actually possessed: apparently there was an incident a few years ago where she pretended to have amnesia for four days. This is someone who is seriously desperate for attention, and not in that ROFFLE LOOK AT ME way, more in that please mommy, pay attention to me for two seconds for God's sake please way. And I have no idea what to do about it.
So why the ******** am I asking you people? Besides the fact that many of you are older and wiser, you, as pagans, probably have a lot of experience with nutjobs who are desperate for attention. No offense. I mean, it's not as if atheists aren't 90% LOL LOOK AT ME MOM angstards. You know what I mean.
Anyway... yeah. Anybody have any good advice for dealing with friends who are in the midst of an imagined Mr. Dark Story?
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 8:48 pm
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It depends on how much of a "friend" you really are to these people. If they aren't really good friends, I would be inclined to refer them to a Catholic priest and see how far they make it through that system before getting laughed at or tactfully declined.
If they really are good people with just this one screw loose, I would offer to do an exorcism. Then do something that sounds super-coolbeans and convincing. Having done this myself for a distraught, but otherwise sane, individual, I suggest the following thing that has been plastered all over the Internet for years. It seems to really excite some people who need excitement in their lives.
Quote: By the crimson and the gold, by basilisk and bloodstone, by the garlic in the fields, by the poppies and what they yield, invisibly I make your shield, to detect them and deflect them, and keep their harm from thee. By dragon's blood and salamanders, by horses when their hooves strike sparks, by the dragon breathing flames, from the Book of Life I erase their names! I cut the cords and unlock the chains! I sever all the ties by which you were bound, and with impenetrable walls I surround against their power and its source; against their evil and its source. Vesta, Pele, Lilith!!! Kali!!! Kali!!! Kali!!! I banish them forever from thee, and any harm from them to thee, doubles back and tables turned, they shalt by thyselves be burned! Lilith, Vesta, Pele!!! Kali Ma!!! Kali Ma!!! by the power of three times three, I banish thee, I banish thee, I banish thee! You are set free! So mote it be!
Maybe dance around with a sage smudge flashing a knife around and stomp a lot at the end, and then smile confidently and send them on their merry way. But don't let them tip you, or you'll feel like an a**.
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Posted: Sat May 06, 2006 9:00 pm
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 7:21 am
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[Kudzu] It depends on how much of a "friend" you really are to these people. If they aren't really good friends, I would be inclined to refer them to a Catholic priest and see how far they make it through that system before getting laughed at or tactfully declined. If they really are good people with just this one screw loose, I would offer to do an exorcism. Then do something that sounds super-coolbeans and convincing. Having done this myself for a distraught, but otherwise sane, individual, I suggest the following thing that has been plastered all over the Internet for years. It seems to really excite some people who need excitement in their lives. Quote: By the crimson and the gold, by basilisk and bloodstone, by the garlic in the fields, by the poppies and what they yield, invisibly I make your shield, to detect them and deflect them, and keep their harm from thee. By dragon's blood and salamanders, by horses when their hooves strike sparks, by the dragon breathing flames, from the Book of Life I erase their names! I cut the cords and unlock the chains! I sever all the ties by which you were bound, and with impenetrable walls I surround against their power and its source; against their evil and its source. Vesta, Pele, Lilith!!! Kali!!! Kali!!! Kali!!! I banish them forever from thee, and any harm from them to thee, doubles back and tables turned, they shalt by thyselves be burned! Lilith, Vesta, Pele!!! Kali Ma!!! Kali Ma!!! by the power of three times three, I banish thee, I banish thee, I banish thee! You are set free! So mote it be! Maybe dance around with a sage smudge flashing a knife around and stomp a lot at the end, and then smile confidently and send them on their merry way. But don't let them tip you, or you'll feel like an a**.
*slaps forehead*
See, this is why I KNEW it was a bad idea to let her know that I was an atheist and didn't believe in this stuff.
That exorcism is SO ******** COOL.
Also... what the ******** are Lilith, Pele, and Kali doing in the same exorcism?
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 8:48 pm
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Posted: Sun May 07, 2006 9:20 pm
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 1:04 am
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 11:21 am
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 12:18 pm
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 10:22 pm
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 5:30 am
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Posted: Tue May 09, 2006 1:13 pm
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:10 pm
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 3:41 pm
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 6:49 pm
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