Tone It Down or Stay The Same?

[lurichan]

An interesting question I wish to put to the members of this guild, when you get a bit older and decide to have children (or if you have children already) do you plan on toning down your look a little, hidding the weaponry (if you have any) ect. in order to provide a neutral enviroment for a child to grow up in, or do you plan on keeping your look exactly the same as it's always been?

This is important in a lot of ways considering during the first 5~6 years of life a child has very few examples of what "normal" is other than their parents and close relatives. Teaching a child to be open minded is (to me at least) a very important aspect of raising them, but it is possible that a child would wish to dress all in black and "just like mommy and daddy" mearly as a means of seeking approval from their parents and not as a personal choice. Keeping all of that in mind, do you still think it's a good idea to dress up to the fullest with collars, spikes, makeup, ect, or do you think perhaps it would be better to take it down a notch or two in the first 5 or so years of life until a child has a chance to meet other kids their own age on a frequent basis (kindergarten) and interact and start forming social circles and their own opinions on things?

Mind you I'm not asking if you would completely give up the cloths, makeup, music or whatever aspects of goth you enjoy and appreciate, just asking if you would keep some of it away from you're child's viewpoint until they had a chance to grow up a little bit first.  

[Isobel Bellamy]

If/when I have kids I'm staying the way I am, it's how I feel most like me and if I have kids I'd like them to know 'me'. As for hiding weapons....well with kiddies that's just common sense...children + sharp shiny things = big mess....

Though, I would definately lower my playing of profanity laden music, some words need to be kept from children until they've had it drilled into their heads it's not a good idea to say such-and-such a word when you're little. (I'm liberal about swears but the really little kids swearing like a sailor does raise my eyebrows a little).

hm..a 'neutral' environment, well it could definately be argued tha the social norm isn't a 'neutral' environment because it's only showing a child what is the social norm, not showing the child what else there is.

For some reason I'm reminded of something I was told, "if you really love a child, should you raise it with your own prejudices? Who is giving their child the 'best start in life', the parent that raises a child to fear those that they fear, to hate those that they hate, or the parent that teaches their child that just because they don't like someone doesn't mean that the child has to as well?" Children aren't stupid, just young, I've found that children only become stupid if they aren't given the right stimulation or given the credit that they can think. Treat someone like an idiot and that's what they will become, show a kid that they're going to be rewarded by thinking the same as their parents and they're going to follow them blindly. Sure, little kids do it out of instinct and it's only natural, but it makes me sick when I see a kid that's way too old to still hold onto the whole 'mummy and daddy is right' because their parent's haven't taught them that it's ok to question them. If I have kids I'm sure as hell going to make sure they know it's alright to question me when they think I'm in the wrong, I'm not perfect, no-one bloody well is, and my kids are going to know that if it kills me ^_^

Though, this all being said, kids freak the hell outta me, they're pure evil and they hate me on sight....it's kinda mutual....  

[coriander18]

Well to be a good parent I think one should be more sensiable and what not. But apperance I think there are somethings that should be left behide. But not because it's bad for the child's state of mind or anything. I've seen mothers who have spikes on go and try and pick up their child and hurt them. Also if you have alot piercings, kids might pull on them and rip them. Somethings are just not kid friendly.

My parents were nudist before I was born. When I was born a friend of their's suggested they might want to put clothes on for the child's sake. Let me tell you, I'm glad they did. Now a days their much more normal looking, except for my mother's bad fashion sense. But they never changed who they were when they had me. Their still open minded, alternative religion followin, freaky a** people they ever were. I've been around freaky a** people all my life because of my parents. It's not a big thing. If anything I've been taught to tolerant other people in the way they look and how they decide to live thier life. Ive found that different looking people are usually the nicest friendlest people you will ever meet. It's the normal ones you have to look out for.

I have nothing agianst looking different when I have kids. They would be my kids after all. How much would could they really disapprove of?  

[CeciliaPhoenix]

I don't really have any reason to have to tone down my look when I have kids, but the one thing that I plan on doing is making sure that they have an awareness of as many different cultures as possible. i.e: listening to various genres of international music, and taking them to see various internation festivals and hopfully traveling with them to different countries.

Also, I plan on letting them get an appreciation for the finer things in life such as good food, art, music, and sprituality from a somewhat early age and then when I feel that their old enough, letting them choose what they want to do based on their experiences.

The one thing that might get in the way of that though is the fact that even though it's in the early stages at this point, I've had premonitions that I might end up having children with this guy that I've liked since I was 11, but to get married to him, I would have to convert to Judaism since he and his entire family are VERY Jewish.  

[Athiel]

First off, I will never have kids on my own, as i find it is just too much of a cruel thing to do. I might adopt a kid of 5 or something at some point though.

On to the subject. I admit there's nothing I'd rather do than stay true to myself and my appearence, however, a young child needs to see what the world actually looks like, not just my little scluded corner of it. Then there's also the paradox that just because the (let's say it's a boy) kid wears make-up from the start, it doesn't have to make him open-minded. He might feel that what he is doing is right, and everything else is Wrong. This, of course, is quite easy to fix by pressing the right things in raising him.

then there's the problem that, at a young age, children lack the spirit it takes to constantly endure the mocking of the people around him, also, it might be hard to get friends of his own age, as children have trouble understanding things so vastly different compared to themselves.  

[Spooky Wasabi Princess]

I don't really want to have kids but if I did I'd tone it down a bit. It just seems fair.  

[Loki Iago]

When I have children, I do not plan on overexposing them to anything, one of those things being my lifestyle. I am a bisexual wiccan, right? I don't want that shoved down their throats or exposed to them too early because I know it could make their lives difficult (at school or whatnot). They need to make their own choices on how to dress, worship, and experience romance. I don't want them influenced too heavily at home or else they rebel mindlessly.

I think I will still wear black and such, but I plan on having a high-paying job like a doctor. I do not plan, therefore, on wearing eyeliner that often. I will probably tell my kids Wiccan stories and legends and celebrate holidays but I won't ask them to practice with me unless they want to.  

[Krys_Night]

If I ever have kids, I would stay the same, it's the only way that I feel comfortable as me. Though maybe until said child gets to kindergarten I might tone it down. I wouldn't want them to think that black is the only way that they'll be accpeted by me and said spouse. Though I don't think that I have to worry about kids (i don't want them, and neither does my boyfriend). Though I think that toning it down for the child to develop would be a good idea. That and I wouldn't go shopping for him/her in Hot Topic like I see a lot of mothers doing. I think that the child should have a chance to make their choice as to what they want to be in the world.  

[KoRnfucius]

I don't plan on having kids so I don't have to worry. Only thing I gotta worry about is the piercings, tats, and hairstyle at work. Admit it, who's gonna wanna take their little kitties to a Gothic vet.?  

[CGurp]

I'm never going to have kids, but even if I did I'd still stay the same.  

[Shadow`s Enigma]

When I have kids, I don't think I'm going to tone all that much down. (Like I can, anyways) Because it's me, and plus, (no offense to anyone on here) but I'm not the goth that wears make-up and some 30 spike braclets, fishnet, etc. Anyways...
I would try and get my child to be as open minded about everything out there. If they like the music I'm into, fine, but I'll try and get them to listen to other genres out there as well so they can get a feel for whatever music they like, not what their parents like.
However, I don't see how being dressed in black, boots, and trenchcoats would change the child's mind to hate certain groups or anything, because for the most part, most goths I know are very open minded about everything, and don't try and shove their ideas down your throat, you know?  

[mee_shee]

I'm not going to change for society. Simple as that.  

[littlewonder]

If I was full-on like in that first post, perhaps a few things (aka collars and spikes). But I'm good as I am.  

[MysteryCross]

I probably wouldn't tone it don't at all.... I am who I am, and if he/she/they don't like it; then tough s**t....... XP  

[DreamerSpirit]

In terms of my apperance, I likely won't tone it down. I'm not one for peircings, spikes, and possibly harmful things, so I needn't worry about that.

The only thing which I would need to change is some things with interieor design, such as not using candles as my primary source of light during the nighttime, since such is pure common sense. Alongside that, I would have to keep my antique books and knick-knacks out of my child's reach during thier early years... but thats just another common sense issue.


However, despite keeping my lifestyle, I would never expect my child to conform to MY lifestyle choices. I would try to expose them to different styles of art, music, literature, dance, and theatere, from an early age. I would let them dress how they pleased (within reason of course, since it's not good to let a little kid run around in a mini-skirt), and try to be a very liberal and open-minded parent.

However, I needn't worry about children for another decade or so, as I am only a teenager at the moment.