[FIN] A Still, Small Voice (Elibrie/R'him)

[Meepfur]

It was cold - freezing, really - but that didn't stop Elibrie and Kesucianth from taking a moment to sit on their own and enjoy being outdoors, in the snow-muffled quiet of a new morning. She was warmly bundled in her coat with a flit inside the hood, and leaning against her little blue dragon, she had everything she needed to keep her safe from the cold. It was a good, quiet moment, and she had taken very much to such things.

While she had always been a soft, quiet girl, not all of it had been by nature - some of it had been learned, deeply-ingrained rules that governed how she, as female, ought to interact with the world and everyone in it. Quiet was expected, to speak when spoken to, to always bow to the wants of those above her, and so much of her quiet had been tinged by anxiety, buzzing with thoughts and considerations about exactly what to say and do and feel and how. Much of that anxiety was gone now, banished both by Kesucianth and by the hard-found knowledge of just how trivial many of those worries were.

Elibrie simply didn't have the time nor the space for them anymore. If she worried, it was for Juhvek, or for her sister. At first she had worried for Kesucianth, too, but after a very long first night and day, the clouds had begun to clear, and now, they were as they should be, safe and secure with each other. Perhaps they had not come together quite as they should have in a perfect world - instead a screaming, broken-hearted girl and a little dragon afraid and desperate not to lose her - but with help and love, they had found their way.

And Elibrie's quiet now was different. A little softer, a little slower, but above all, peaceful. She could sit, and be, without a head full of little anxieties, and appreciate things for what they were. And if she almost dozed despite the cold, well, she was very tired.

Uta

 

[Uta]

It had been a couple days since the Hatching, and things had been a bit of a blur for R'him. His life had been changed, completely and utterly, by the most perfect dragon on Pern. He had never thought he'd needed anything more in his life but after gazing up at Hybreoth, he'd realized just how wrong he'd been. He had needed Hybreoth, and hadn't known just how empty his life had been without the little beast, and knew, without a doubt, he could never--would never--be able to live without him.

Everything was more beautiful now that he got to see it with Hybreoth. Everything he felt was echoed in the bronze, and the love, pride, and adoration the two felt for each other was more than clear. It was not difficult for him to want to spend time with His, and for the most part, the two were like peas-in-a-pod. They were not quite insufferable--but though they were a proud lot, Hybreoth was and could well be charming--and R'him had never been narcissitic. Self-assured certainly--but there was some sense between his ears.

But though things appeared more than fine on the surface, Hybreoth and he were not the same being, and did have their times they did not see eye to eye. R'him could not forget exactly what had happened at the Hatching, no matter how often his bronze tried to bury the matter. Hybreoth had severely injured a Candidate--a man whose name he had learned was Juhvek. A weyrbrat. Son of the Headwoman. To complicate matters, there was a little friend of his who had also Impressed that day--a young girl he'd come to know whose name was Elibrie. While heh ad spent a small amount of time with her in goup lessons--rumors had it that her blue and she had a fraught relationship, and that she'd been devastated by her friend's injury.

Rumors were at least one thing that both Western and High Reaches had in common...

Z'von had made it clear from their first morning that what happened at the Hatching was to be forgotten, or at least, something to be dealt with so life might move on. Hybreoth was blameless, as far as the bronze was concerned--and much of the Weyr agreed. Not because he was without fault, but because he had been unImpressed--and an unImpressed dragonet could do worse than maim. Even still, it did not sit well with R'him.

He hadn't yet been able to craft an apology to Juvek, due to the man's state, and the trickiness of finding time to visit without Hybreoth suspecting a thing--but he could at least try to clear the air with Elibrie. They'd have to work with one another eventually, and more closely than the couple days worth of bonding lessons.

Thankfully, an opportunity had presented itself and he was going to take it.

R'him had never slept better since Impressing, but Hybreoth was an early riser. The dragon enjoyed the quiet of the Barracks and having extra time to spend with His. He hated to be in a rush, and instead, enjoyed being one of the first to the feeding tables, and be there to greet--or at least watch--his cluthcmates as they arrived. But there were others who also seemed to enjoy rising early, and one of those was Elibrie and her blue. Where he might have passed by without thinking twice about it, this morning would be different.

Hybreoth did not object for he was quite fond of Kesucianth. That he had been part of the reason his blue brother had been most distressed thep ast few days seemed not to occur to the bronze--and if it did, he would never admit it. That R'him wanted to make amends for something did cause the dragon to object--but the man was firm. Quite firm. He would not be pushed around--not even by his bronze.

R'him had never been a shy man, and he wasn't afraid. Whatever Elibrie felt, whatever had happened--there was no turning back time. But he would not avoid her, and he hoped, she would not him. They were weyrlings, and while he did not begin to know what she felt or thought... He would at least try to clear the air. "I didn't think anyone else would be awake at this hour," he greeted, giving her a nod.

Hybreoth, for his part, decided he might as well make the most of it. He did not object to seeing Kesucianth, though he did not agree with His dredging up concern yet again. Hadn't they already been over it? It was quite vexing that he, once again, would need to remind His that he was blameless. But that was between the two of them--and none of Kesucianth's concern. Instead, the dragon looked upon his brother with slowly whirling green-blue eyes. Your color has improved, brotherMine. It's good to see you looking less out-of-sorts this morning. And that, at least, was the truth.

Meepfur

 

[Meepfur]

At another time, the knowledge that she was the subject of rumors would have set Elibrie to worrying terribly, but it was simply one of those things she didn't have space for, and was too tired to muster up any cares about. In the wake of everything that had happened, and the storm of emotions that had resulted and which had been such a danger, she was exhausted. That accounted for no small amount of her current state, a distance and slowness and far-off look that likely contributed to speculations on the health of her and her blue, but how could she not be tired in the wake of so many raw emotions?

Kesucianth, more alert than she and always especially conscious of the proximity of his superiors, leaned into Elibrie with gentle, silent notice that Hybreoth neared. The surge of hate and anger the bronze had evoked at the Hatching had burned itself out almost as quickly as it had flared to life; such things were not and never had been a part of her nature, and once that initial visceral reaction had passed, there was nothing to sustain them. She knew, objectively, that the young dragon was not to be blamed - even before this, how many times had it been drilled into their heads what unbonded drsgonets were capable of? - and she had heard it far more times than was really necessary since.

No, the problem wasn't that she hated him or blamed him, but that it hurt to see him. She couldn't see Hybreoth without seeing him lunge for Juhvek, without seeing her friend lying broken and still on the Sands. And with so much still uncertain about his condition and future, it was a wound that would be hard to close. Though she and Kesucianth had yet to be assigned to a task with the other pair, seeing the bronze was still an unavoidable event, and she was already well used to that lurch in her gut and tightening of her nerves, even as she carefully set the feelings where they belonged and Kesucianth wrapped her up in soothing love. Together, they could get through all things, even this.

She first looked up to where R'him stood, and offered him a soft smile. The young man had had nothing to do with the incident, and Elibrie did not conflate him with his dragon. The smile might have been small, but it was genuine. "It's quiet. And it's good to get out of the Barracks."

The ability to sleep the night through yet escaped her, though Kesucianth was always there to soothe her when her dreams turned dark. But once she'd woken at an hour where it was permitted to be up and about, she was more than ready for fresh air, and so here she was. She let her gaze move to Hybreoth for a long moment, deliberately lingering before she nodded in acknowledgement of him and looked away and closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath. The bronze was a fact of life that could not be avoided, and she would not try. She would put all of her feelings in proper order, even if the path to doing so was unpleasant.

Brother, Kesucianth acknowledged warmly, dipping his head in deference to the bronze, though he'd not leave His' side to draw closer to his clutchmate. She needed him where he was. I am indeed well, and flattered that you would pay me such notice. I hope that the morning finds you and Yours well, also.

Uta

 

[Uta]

Meepfur

A smile was a start, and that was about all that could be done. Small starts. New starts. "I'd say it's a bit cramped for my tastes, but compared to how the Candidates were sleeping over in Western, I actually find it more peaceful." Even with honking, creeling, crooning, rumbling baby dragonets afoot. "I suppose that'll change once the rest of the eggs hatch though." He mused. Things had happened fast--he had touched both Anakumath and Banshideth's clutches, but never in a million Turns had he thought one of them His.

Everything seemed different now. The world had changed since Impression, and he couldn't tell if it was simply seeing it through his dragon's eyes, or if the act of Impressing literally changed him. He assumed it was a little of both--but already, he knew he could not live without His.

It wasn't hard to notice where Elibrie's gaze turned--nor was it difficult to tell she seemed uneasy. She had closed her eyes, breathed deep--what she was thinking or feeling was a mystery. Honestly, the man couldn't decide if it was better to bring something up, or just let it lie. While the Candidatemaster's had always told them injury and death were possible, the aftermath was trickier. There was no simple fix.

Hybreoth could tell his rider's feelings had changed, and not necessarily for the better. His tail flicked, but he leaned over and pushed his head against His' hand. The bronze's gaze remained a steady blue-green, looking between Kesucianth and His with mild-interest.

"Look--I know it's impossible to just clear the air, and you probably don't want to hear it. But let me just come right out with it." R'him wasn't one to mince words, and he wasn't the sort to dance around a subject. "I don't know why things went the way they did, but I do feel I owe some sort of apology. To that man, Juhvek--but to you too." He'd certainly heard the rumors, and by this point, had a good account that Elibrie was close to him. Given Hybreoth took down a weyrbrat, it was hard not to feel a little alienated--especially as it was the Headwoman's own son.

This time, a flash of red did whirl in Hybreoth's gaze, though it was not directed at anyone but His. You need not--

I can be sorry for what happened, without being sorry about You. I know you were upset. You're not the first dragonet to hurt someone, after all--but sometimes, Hybreoth, you have to put pride aside and show a little compassion. It wasn't that his bronze was unaware of the uneasy feelings the girl before him had of him...

It was just that he felt he was the one being wronged.

Had anyone asked Hybreoth of his side of the story, outside of His? Nobody knew the full story except Juhvek and him.

The bronze dragon shifted uncomfortably, before turning to immediately begin grooming one of his wings. If there was just a soft touch of grey in his eyes, it was purely because the little dragonet simply couldn't believe even His refused to let it go. He could handle the scorn and derision of some girl or anyone else in the Weyr. But not from HIs.

"I know it might not mean much, or might be too soon..but it needed to be said." Even if it put him on the outs with His.

Hybreoth, for his part, remained quiet--pointedly grooming, and looking away from all three. He was a proud little creature, after all. To his brother, he kept his words as staid as he could muster. The morning has taken a turn, I'm afraid--though I trust all will be as it should soon enough. Maybe. Or never again, if His continued on so. Not that he expected his brother to care--for surely Kesucianth had had rough days enough and likely more to come. Perhaps this was what they all wished of him.

He was not an unfeeling bronze. He knew his brother had been distressed and the girl upset at him for it; he knew His was torn on feeling pride and joy but also guilt. He knew there was a mess... but he couldn't understand why he kept getting punished after being told off so rudely by a once-Candidate's cruel thoughts. There had been little welcome from that quarter--but nobody cared to talk about that.

Hmph.

Lessons had been made, perhaps with more disasterous results than meant. But Hybreoth refused to budge from the line he had drawn. To have His weave over it was truly, and utterly heartbreaking for the little baby.  

[Meepfur]

Elibrie couldn't say she was looking forward to the crowding and the extra noise that would come with yet another batch of dragonets and their bondeds; though in time it would surely fade, due to her current state, things that wouldn't normally have bothered her had a way of becoming overwhelming - too much noise, or being cooped up for overlong. A lot of her nerves still felt raw, and while she and Kesucianth were developing ways to counter and heal that, little things that shouldn't have been stressful were. Not enough to create panic or a breakdown, but enough that it could be uncomfortable.

But soon, R'him turned the subject away from the Barracks. It didn't surprise her when he broached what had happened at the Hatching - it had only ever been a matter of time before they would have to speak of it, she well knew. If he hadn't taken the initiative himself, she was sure she'd have had to eventually, whether at the behest of the Weyrlingmaster or the Mindhealer. The wound couldn't just be left alone, no matter how much it hurt; it would only get infected. Not that she was entirely ready, but then, there were certain things one could never really be ready for. She looked off into the distance for a long moment, as Kesucianth leaned into her both physically and mentally. Nestled in her hood, little Lullaby crooned. "It's alright. It's...it's not your fault. Or his." The latter, perhaps, she had yet to fully accept, but she knew that she was expected to, that she had to. Maybe saying it would help. "It's kind of you to apologize, but you don't need to."

Another pause followed, as she swallowed back on the emotions that wanted to well up every time she had to speak about this. It was all well and good to cry while she was talking to a select few people, but R'him most certainly would not want or need to see that. But he, and even Hybreoth, deserved an explanation for how she yet reacted to the bronze. Otherwise, it would be no small wonder if they did think that she was angry. "It...it's just that seeing it...it was hard." Which was a gross understatement, but the simplest way to express it. It would have been one thing to hear about it after, to see Juhvek in the infirmary, or even for it to have happened across the Sands, but she had been so close, seen every horrifying detail, heard him break, thought him dead. There was no lesson that could have prepared her for that. "And I can't stop seeing it. But that isn't anyone's fault."

It was simply the nature of trauma. And she was fighting her own deeply-ingrained habits to say any of it. R'him was essentially a stranger still, and a man besides - not someone she should be burdening with her thoughts or feelings. But he deserved to know that though she struggled, it wasn't because of him, or due to anger.

Kesucianth's own eyes whirled yellow-gray, both out of concern for His and because his brother was involved. The blue was in an abysmally difficult place, because while he loved His above all else, as a dragon should, he also loved his brother, and was naturally inclined to bow to him in all things. He couldn't bear the thought of a strained relationship with Hybreoth, or the prospect of the bronze being made to feel slighted, blamed, or worse. I am sorry, brother. Please - it is as Mine says, I swear it. We would not wish to cause you or Yours pain. There is nothing that more pain would solve.

Uta

 

[Uta]

Meepfur

R'him shifted from where he stood, trying to figure out how to navigate the rough waters. He had little expectation that anything would be smoothed over just by talking about it, but he at least wanted to try. He wasn't the sort of man to just let things fester, and much preferred taking action than sitting idly by. He had been witness enough to little dragons maiming and killing Candidates--but nobody much talked about what the expectations were when you Impressed one of them.

Everyone had said that what happened before a dragonet Impressed wasn't meant to be held against them--they were young, newly hatched, and without Theirs. But the reality was much more complicated--especially given how sensitive His was about the entire affair. He didn't want their bond strained, but he wasn't going to simply disregard the reality.

Pain, death, accidents--it all was all part of fighting Thread--but that didn't make any of it easier. He didn't know what Elibrie thought or felt, and he hardly knew what she was like on the day-to-day. He couldn't tell if this was normal, if her words were genuine, or how to ultimately clear the air. Perhaps the air would never be clear, and the best thing he could do was just leave her be. She was still a young girl, after all--he could simply give her space and simply work with her when they were assigned projects or chores. But at least, at minimum, he had apologized.

That was the only thing he could do.

"Mph," he gave a small grunt and a firm shake of his head. "I don't quite agree with that, actually. I think not apologizing would just make things worse--and while I can't apologize to the man Hybreoth hurt yet, I can at least to you. It's a complicated thing--but not talking about it is just letting it fester. I don't expect it to make everything better, or suddenly change any hard feelings, but it's at least a start. Truly, it--I wish things had been different."

As the girl explained where some of her difficulties were--seeing it upclose, front and center--he did understand. He heaved a heavy sigh, reaching out so he might rest his hand against His. The bronze shifted away, just out of reach--he wasn't done grooming, thank you, hmph! R'him let his hand fall back to his side. "It's truly an unfortunate affair. Trauma sucks," he stated simply. "I hope--" he paused, trying to think of the right words. "I hope it doesn't haunt you forever, or strain things with Yours or your friend. Hope you've got a good support group here, too," he added. He knew what it was like to have to be alone, or deal with hard things with no one to turn to. His life had been far from sunny, or kind, but perhaps that's why he felt the need to take action. Life was a lot of pain, and trouble, and it was hard enough without added drama. He felt rather helpless and torn concerning this situation--but the only way he knew howto deal with it was to dive right into the thick of things.

That said, he wouldn't bother her much longer, or bring it up again unless she felt some need. If nothing else, it would allow him to (hopefully) repair the strain with Hybreoth, or at least push the subject far enough away the bronze didn't have to fuss about it. He'd support His indubitably, but it was clear, sometimes, they would not always see eye-to-eye. But if he leaned more on Hybreoth than he should, it was simply because he was a fish out of water. He was a stranger in a strange land, with no friends, no connections, and only a few faces from Western he knew passingly enough. There were few to turn to or talk to candidly besides His, at present.

Hybreoth continued his preening, though he did pause once or twice to peek up at Kesucianth, or His, only to resume. But there was little left to preen, and he could feel himself slowing down. I'm afraid it is too late for that, but I assure you, brother Mine, there is no need for you to worry or fret further. You have enough cares and worries at present--I would not wish to add to them, truly. Believe it or not, I am here for you--even if I am an undesired presence. Had not they been good to one another before Impression? Hybreoth might have been a proud beast, but he was not colorist; he was perfection incarnate, but that had little to do with his metallic hide.

Unfortunately, with His on the outs at present, the bronze was finding that there were very few he could trust or turn to. Kesucianth would have made a sympathetic headknob in any situation except that it was all terribly complicated now.

Bah.

Well, he would go on alone if he must.

R'him tried not to snort. Hybreoth was certainly prone to dramatics sometimes--but he couldn't tell if it was simply because he was so young, or simply because of who he'd been hatched. Sulking dragonets wasn't something he'd ever really considered before Impression.  

[Meepfur]

Elibrie was at a bit of a loss. He was a man - and a bronzerider, besides - and she was just a girl with a blue. She was well aware that she was outranked, not only by Weyr standards but by her own, which were quite probably even stricter. Having been taught to put herself last in almost all things, she was uncomfortable being apologized to; while it was mollifying to hear, it didn't seem proper to accept it, especially as R'him had had nothing to do with any of what happened. Hybreoth might now be his, but that didn't make him responsible for what the bronze had done before Impression...and Hybreoth didn't look at all interested in any of this apologizing business, which of course was his prerogative. He was blameless, in the eyes of the Weyr, and it was all just an unhappy accident that needed to be let go.

And she was trying, she really was. She didn't want this to be who she was forever, and she knew Juhvek wouldn't want any of this for her, either. But it was hard without him there, and with seeing so little of her sister, since her schedule and Oranie's were now so different. They were the two people she trusted the most, who she could more easily be open with without fretting overmuch about burdening them. Though she was friendly with Kinyegele and Yunara, she didn't want to impose on her fellow weyrlings, even if they might not have minded at all. They deserved to bask in the joy of their Impression and new bonds, and not have someone bringing down the mood by pouring out their worries and frustrations. It was better to save those for very specific people.

"I do appreciate it," she said finally, not about to reject his apology no matter her struggle with whether or not it was really appropriate to accept when it wasn't truly necessary. But clearly it was for him, and she wouldn't even think to argue. There were very few people she was comfortable enough with to dare to disagree, and only one was a man...and he was very much not here. And even in that case, it had taken a great deal of patience and gentle pressure on his part, to get in past her habits and anxieties. "I...I wish it had been different, too." What was supposed to have been the happiest moment of her life had collided with the very worst, and coming to terms with that was its own struggle as well. She couldn't possibly have loved Kesucianth more, or he her, but it still felt as though they had been robbed of something. But there was no getting it back, and dwelling on it was both useless and selfish. They had each other, and they were unharmed, which was more than could be said of others.

As for all of R'him's hopes... "Thank you. It...it will be fine, I'm sure, in time. I have Kesucianth, and my sister." And Lusialu, though again, their schedules were quite different now, and besides that, Elibrie would hesitate to burden her. She felt guilty enough as it was that she'd Impressed while her friend had not. "And Juhvek, he- he won't hold it against us, I know." Even if she did worry, even though something like surviviors' guilt continued to gnaw at her, she knew Juhvek wouldn't be bitter or jealous over her Impressing, even while he...well. Much was still terribly uncertain, but from what little she could gather, it would be a shock if he still had even a slim chance at Impressing one day. She obviously couldn't speak to how he'd feel about that, or about his injuries in general, but it wouldn't be like him to take that out on someone else, and certainly he wouldn't wish another had been hurt in his stead. Maybe all of this would change him, but she couldn't imagine that it would do so so fundamentally. He was too good and too steady a person for that.

"You can...sit, if you want. You don't have to just stand there." Maybe he intended to be on his way sooner rather than later, which was fine, but it seemed rude not to offer.

Kesucianth's posture drooped at Hybreoth's response - truly, he wanted his brother to be happy, and not have any such strains or cares, and somehow he felt partly responsible for the fact that he did. It was, after all, His that Hybreoth's was so intent on apologizing to, but there was nothing Kesucianth could do about that. And His' reply to the apology had been without fault, he was sure of it, just as he was sure that she was entitled to her feelings and her struggles. All of which meant that none of this could even tangentially be his fault, unless he were to retread what-ifs and how at least some of this could have been avoided if he'd gone to His sooner...but he'd been trying to keep out of the way of his higher-ranking siblings and the business they'd been about, out of deference to his betters. Hybreoth included. Oh, it was all such a mess!

In spite of his brother's wish that he not worry further, the blue's eyes held steadily at yellow-gray. But His leaned into him much as he'd been leaning into her, fingers rubbing gently under his jaw, and he settled himself. I will try not to worry on it any further, if that is indeed your wish. He was, of course, ever inclined to obey, even if this particular request might be difficult to comply with. You are never undesired, brother, certainly not by me. And not by Mine, either. Please don't think she would wish you ill. She is sad, but she is trying very hard. We both are.

Uta

 

[Uta]

Meepfur

Things still felt wrong, though R'him had half-a-mind to wonder if it was just because His was feeling quite put out about the whole ordeal. Still, the man was determined to clear the air--or at least try to clear the pink watch-wher out of the room. Things had been a bit of a blur since he'd Impressed, but it had not been as momentous an occasion as it should have been. He knew his bronze had his reasons, but it didn't really matter one way or another. It didn't change the results, and he wasn't blind to the girl's struggles. The fact she that she had lessons with Z'von, that they had already been told they would need to work things out.... it was perfectly clear that things weren't right.

Maybe they never would be.

"I suppose all the hope and wishing won't change the reality." It didn't matter that Hybreoth had been wounded at being denied a desire to more easily find His, or that unwelcoming and stubborn thoughts had pushed him to react; the only thing that mattered was that someone had been hurt and robbed of a chance to Impress. That he had caused trauma where there once had been none--and to multiple sources. Life would move on, as it always would, and with luck, time would heal some of the wounds... But it was most unpleasant in the here and now.

"I know it's probably going to be uncomfortable with this little beast hanging around.... But if there's anything either of us can do, I hope you'll let us know." And yes, he did mean both of them. Hybreoth might be stubborn but R'him knew he wasn't heartless. Shame wasn't something Hybreoth recognized or seemed to know how to handle. The little bronze had a lot of growing up to do, but that's why R'him was there. Tough as it was, he wasn't going to let the little beast off the hook so easily.

Even if it was the easier path.

"I'm glad you've got a sister here, and your little blue. And a few flits, too, I think," he added, mostly because that was one thing he did remember about her. She had flits, and a seemingly endless supply of blues, or so it seemed. He hardly knew how many she actually had because every time he saw her with one, it was seemingly a different shade of blue. He was beginning to think she had one for each day of the week. "Would be a fair bit harder without all that." And that he at least knew from experience.

At Elibrie's suggestion, R'him reached up to rub at the back of his neck. "Only if it's not a problem--though we'll see if my knees aren't frozen and can still bend." The cold had a way of making his joints stiff--though the tension didn't help, either. So he took a seat, and let himself sink more into the warmth of the clothes he'd been given upon his arrival. "I didnt't want to presume you'd want me hangin' around any longer than necessary, honestly."

Hybreoth did notice how his brother deflated, and the grey-yellow of his gaze was also noted. The grey within his own eyes deepened, before the bronze flipped back his wings, and resettled himself. He was a dragon who could and would hold a grudge for a lifetime--but he had no intention of upsetting his brother further. Just because nobody cared about his feelings on the subject, didn't mean he had to follow suit.

He could take a higher road.

Maybe.

If he felt like it.

The bronze dragon gave a small sigh, before curling up so he might rest his head upon his paws. Even his rider had abandoned him--sitting down farther away now. Huff. Still, his first concern was Kesucianth, and doing as His wished--clearing the air. While he doubted his brothers words to be entirely true, it was a fact that he would continue to exist, and would likely continue to cause his brother's rider distress. And it was true he had no intention to apologize, even if his lesson had yielded unintended results.

But he did wish to have a continued relationship with Kesucianth, and that would mean doing uncomfortable things. I did not intend to cause you such distress, or Yours. I am sorry scenes arose that made things most unpleasant to you both. The Hatching did not turn out as hoped for many of us, it seems.

It was as close to an apology as he might give. Seeing Kesucianth with eyes so yellow-grey irritated him...because his brother deserved to be happier. If they wished to paint him as the enemy, so be it. But he had not wished for his alliance with his brother to have soured for it.  

[Meepfur]

"It doesn't hurt to have them." Certainly, it was better than coldly shrugging it all off as having been nothing of consequence: just another Hatching, which everyone knew well could be dangerous and even deadly. So why dwell on it? She was sure there were no few who felt that way. And she understood; after all, she'd been on the Sands for other incidents, but she'd not been close to them nor to those affected, so while it had been a bit upsetting, it hadn't been traumatic. R'him, though, could easily have brushed it off - he was a Westerner who didn't know any of them, and now a bronzerider. He was under no obligation to do anything more than what the Weyrlingmaster might ask him to when it came to the subject, which made his willingness - insistence, even - on apologizing all the more surprising. He seemed genuinely nice, even seemed to have a sense of humor, and in spite of everything, she was inclined to like him. Fortunately, thanks in large part to Juhvek's progress at chipping away at least some of what she should expect from males, and her long-ingrained habits about how to interact with them, it was far from hopeless that she might come around. It certainly made slogging through an emotional conversation with a man easier, even if it still wasn't easy. But it was do-able.

"It's alright. I have to get used to it, anyway." Elibrie glanced the bronze's way again, watching him sigh and curl up. "And he's Kesucianth's friend, and I wouldn't- I've made things hard enough for Kesucianth already. Just because I can't see my friend shouldn't mean he can't see his." That was hard to get out without tears, but if any slipped by, Lullaby was quick to nuzzle away the traces. Because as hard as seeing it all had been, missing her friend was just as bad, if not worse, and there was really no cure for that but getting him back...and there was no telling when that would be. In the meantime, she could do little but learn to live with the open wound.

When he mentioned her flits, she reached up with her free hand to scritch under Lullaby's chin. "Five," she admitted with a tiny smile, using it to help take the edge away of some of the rest of their conversation. At the moment, she also had Little Lady from time to time, as Juhvek was obviously in no state to take care of her, but she thought better of explaining that. "I...was a little lonely when I got here, and they helped." Lonely, and lost; she'd had her sister, and her aunt and even uncle if she'd really been desperate enough to ask, but coming to the Weyr had been an enormous, overwhelming change no less. "Do you have any?"

She'd not noticed him with one, but to be fair, for once in her life she didn't have the attention to spare for cooing over every firelizard she happened to glimpse. "It's not a problem," she assured him, and it truly wasn't. Beyond the fact that yes, they had to get through this sooner or later, in some ways it was good to talk about it with someone who wasn't one of the authority figures she had to talk about it with. Not that it wasn't still difficult, but R'him was at least a step or two closer to being a peer. "I imagine you're missing the beach, after all this cold and snow."

I know you did not, and that what happened...it was your right, to do what you did. Kesucianth might not know the reasons, but Hybreoth was a bronze, and it was his prerogative to do as he had done. He would never say as much to His, though - he knew that they would never fully see eye to eye on that detail, and it wasn't worth rubbing salt in the wound. She hurt more than enough already. I know that in time, Mine will be able to move on. She is more resilient than she knows, and she is good. She did not have it in her to hold a grudge; all of this was only pain and trauma, not anger or hatred. The Hatching...was not what I had imagined it would be, but still we all have Ours.

He hoped that Banshidheth's soon-to-hatch brood would be able to say the same, that one of them had not had their hearts set on a certain someone now beyond their reach, but it was a thought he had been doing his best not to contemplate overmuch, and would certainly not speak a whisper of it to His. It was too terrible a thing to think on. No, it was better to let her focus her thoughts for that clutch on hope that Oranie or Lusialu would Impress and join them, and do the same himself.

Uta

 

[Uta]

Meepfur

"Sometimes hope is all we've got," he mused. It certainly was a Pernese mantra, especially now with Thread back. It was why he was here, at any rate. He had no more troupe--his friends in the Carvan had all been chewed up and devoured--but he had been picked out among the stragglers and tapped into Candidacy. He could finally make a difference, could finally do something good with his life, and embrace newfound stability. The future wasn't certain, and an early death was all but guaranteed--but he hoped he could do something worthwhile.

With Hybreoth--he knew he could--even if it was a rocky start.

R'him did look over with concern at Elibrie as she spoke--and while her fire-lizard nuzzled at her, he wondered if she really would be all right. He was beginning to feel like a heartless monster. She cared so much about this person, it was almost a wonder. Outside of Hybreoth, he had no such connections or care; he burned through relationships like the fire he once spun to make a living. He faked interest in others purely as a way to survive, to ensure his position was secure. While he had been devastated when Thread returned, while he had grieved, survival had forced him to find a new way. Even his favored past lovers were hardly more than a passing thought; the messiest of breakups hadn't left him so distressed as the girl sitting next to him.

Clearly, Hybreoth and he were a destined match.

"I know Hybreoth will appreciate it. Even if he's loathe to say as much now," he added, trying to think of something nice to say. That at least was the truth. The blue and bronze had been amicable at the Hatching, and it was one relationship the bronze did wish to continue. Just as he enjoyed the company of Ardoxshoth, so did he favor Kesucianth as well. "I hope you all will be reunited sooner than later. He's lucky to have such a caring and good genuine friend. Most people I knew would've been just as happy to see you as they would be to sell you down the river for a couple marks." His words were light and he almost smirked in amusement--but it also the truth. Clearly, he needed better friends.

"That's quite a brood. Impressive!" He commended, no judgment in his words. "Did you get them all while you were here? Have you been a Candidate long?" Never mind the fact that neither he nor she wore those knots. Old habits were hard to break. "They do make nice companions. I've got two--both of them blues. Sparks, and then one of his sons, Starfall. They've been a little scarce lately, both learning how to share, and exploring all the secrets of their new home. Honestly, Star doesn't seem to realize we've moved--but he's not a very clever fellow. He's sent me pictures of the beach at Western most recently, and the Candidate Barracks--so I'm pretty sure he's missing it more than I am." And that was the truth. "I don't mind the change, really--I've always been hot blooded anyway, so the cold is a nice, albeit shocking, change. Might be I won't boil during the summer months, at least. Western wasn't really home so I guess there's not much to miss, really. Am hoping it's different here though." Hybreoth, he knew, had little intention of wanting to leave, and that was just fine for R'him.

Hybreoth listened to his brother, considering his words. He appreciated the support, however secret; it assuaged his wounded pride, and made him a fair bit more receptive. Then it seems you have picked a fine match, brother Mine. I would not expect you with anything less. She deserves you, at least, if she is as good as you say. I would not see you with anyone less so. Not that Hybreoth had any say in the matter or choice--but it was true. There were certain clutchmates who had his blessing, whether they needed it or not.

The grey in his eyes was slowly receding, and he even deigned to lift his head and sit in a more regal position--though he continued to ignore His and Elibrie. For now, Kesuscianth had his full regard.

She is lucky to have you. The day might have taken a turn, but you are correct--we found Ours. There will be trials far greater ahead of us--but there will be newfound happiness and joy, too.  

[Meepfur]

Though Elibrie had no desire to snoop of her blue's conversation with his brother, she was well aware that a conversation was being had, and of the emotions that were stirring, and now and then her regard did flicker back to Hybreoth, sitting off by himself.  It seemed...a little lonely, if she was honest.  Kesucianth had thus far spent the vast majority of his time all but glued to her side, at the very least within easy reach when not physically touching her.  For all the worry about whether they would bond properly, if anything they were intensely co-dependent as things stood now.  She could, though, see Kesucianth's gaze, so focused on his brother, and feel his desire to be nearer to him, and so she gently nudged him to go over.  With some hesitation, and after a reassuring nuzzle, he did.

It felt strange to be without him after the last few days, especially in the midst of a difficult talk, but physically clinging to him wouldn't always be an option, and he deserved his own space to do his own things, even if he wouldn't presume to ask.  She really didn't know what to say as far as Hybreoth appreciating that he wouldn't be denied time with his brother in spite of not being willing to admit it, so she opted to let it be with a nod.  She knew very little about the bronze, and at the moment no desire to learn more.  Maybe one day, but she wasn't ready yet for more than co-existence. "I hope so, too.  He...he helped us a lot when we first came here, and it feels strange without him." The young man hadn't hesitated to take them under his wing, as it were, and help them navigate their new life, for no reason other than that they had needed a bit of help.  He hadn't asked for anything in return, he'd just...helped, and ultimately become their friend. "That's sad.  Not that everyone in my life has been so good, but- but I'm sorry you haven't had many.  I hope that changes for you now that you're here."

"I did, yes.  Lullaby here was the first, and the rest followed.  It's been a little over a Turn, now, since my sister and I were Searched." It was a rather extensive collection to have acquired in that span of time, she knew.  Most of her flits had been gifts, though Moondrop had been a bit of good fortune with someone offering up spare eggs from a large clutch to good homes, and she adored them all.  She'd found a great deal of solace in their company and care. "Starfall's a lovely name," she said with a smile, "One of mine is Brightstar.  Most of them seem to be adjusting well, except for Chomps, at least.  He'd have been perfectly happy if we'd had that same cot for the rest of forever, I think.  I just hope he doesn't go to try and hassle whoever gets it, since he thinks it should still be his."

"I thought Western was very pretty, when we visited," Elibrie admitted. "The beach was lovely.  I'd not mind that sort of view every day, but still, I'd rather be here, with my family and my friends.  I have an uncle at Western, but I really don't know him very well.  He left home when I was little, and no one ever said much about it after that." It had then been Turns before she'd seen him again, in the lead-up to Zenobiath's clutch, and then again before Khamaith's. "But here is home now, for me, and I hope it will be for you, too."  Having struggled initially, she certainly sympathized, and her hopes that R'him would make real friends and begin to feel at home were sincere.

Once released from His' side, Kesucianth moved quietly nearer to Hybreoth, to sit beside him and offer a light nuzzle, if his brother was willing to accept it. I am glad to hear you say so, and I am sure that Yours is no less worthy of you.  I know you would choose none but the very best, and he seems a fine fellow indeed.  It is very kind of him to reach out to Mine so, though he has no obligation to her. The blue was, of course, not privy to any struggles the other pair might or might not be having, having been utterly wrapped up in His' from the start, and he appreciated the gesture Hybreoth's was making.

I will hope that the trials are not too great, at least for awhile yet.  I know that there will be difficult days ahead, but peace for a time would be welcome.  I know that it would do me and Mine good.

x Uta

 

[Uta]

Meepfur

R’him listened as Elibrie explained about her friendship with Juhvek. He knew what it was like to be in a new environment--every Candidate who wasn’t part of the Weyr likely had some sort of similar story. But not every story was the same, and not everyone had good friends. How many Turns had he spent at Western--and besides having some amicable encounters, and Candidates he’d been friendly to--there were few he would say he missed now that he was at High Reaches. And even now, here in a Weyr that was covered in ice and snow, he was in a completely new environment. “Change isn’t ever easy, but it sounds like he was a good guy.” If he happened to shift from where he sat, perhaps out of discomfort, it couldn’t entirely be helped.

The more he learned about the Candidate, the more awkward he felt; and the more awkward he felt, the more upset Hybreoth became. Oh, he certainly did his best to shield his bronze from such feelings; the subject was still a tender one, on so many fronts--and the reality was that no matter how the Weyr might do its best not to hold the actions of unbonded dragons against them… the actions still had consequences and made waves. Surely, R’him would defend Hybreoth against any who came at him with negativity or blame; but accident or not, no matter the reasons, or the why, the consequences couldn’t simply be ignored.

“We’ll see what happens here. Kind of started things off poorly--suspect the Headwoman’ll be out for my neck next, honestly,” he half-jested. “But it is what it is. I’d say it’s a fresh start but that doesn’t seem right either. A bittersweet start, I suppose, is what it is. Regardless, I’m here now, and don’t see that changing anytime soon.” Not with how adament Hybreoth was that this was his Weyr. “Not until they throw down some transfer papers, at least.” This time he did laugh, amused at the self-deprecation. He was confident that no matter what happened, he would get through it. No matter how awkward it might be for others, no matter how awkward it was for him--he’d carry his head high. He wasn’t heartless, of course--but he was proud. It didn’t really bother him if he was disliked--he could certainly take care of himself and not worry about the opinions of others. But he did at least wish to make an effort to show he did care about The Situation and the ripples it made.

“Western was pretty, and the milder weather quite agreeable--but the snow covered peaks are breathtaking in their own right. And the snow is pretty for all that it’s cold! Can you tell I didn’t pack with the expectation of staying?” He’d certainly be sporting High Reaches hand-me-downs until he had a chance to update his wardrobe. Given weyrlings didn’t make marks, and his usual fashion for bringing in money was questionable at best, he’d be poor for a good while, indeed. “Lucky for us both, we’ll someday have the world just a dragonflight away.” Wouldn’t that be nice--assuming they all made it through to graduation. Hmm. Well. Maybe he wouldn’t linger on that too long. He had no doubt they all would but the reality wasn’t so certain. “It’s good you’ve got family here, and so many good friends. I’ve heard High Reaches has a rather cool air when it comes to outsiders, but sounds like that isn’t your experience. New Weyr, new friends, new family, I suppose.” Now he just had to fit in and find some.

You will always have me, and through me, my clutchmates. What else do you need? Hybreoth was still displeased by the morning’s turn of events, but even his pride and ability to hold grudges wasn’t greater than his love for His. He knew his rider’s most intimate thoughts, for all that R’him was independent and self-sufficient, there was more to him than was easily seen. He would not allow his to even begin to feel alone--most certainly not, hmph!

The bronze dragon’s gaze did brighten as Kesucianth ambled over. The nuzzle was accepted, and fondly returned, even as the bronze did uncurl from where he had been pointedly brooding. At minimum, he relaxed with his brother near, and leaned fondly against him. That each of us found Ours is what’s important, I agree. He was quite adamant about seeing Yours, and while little care seems to be had about my feelings in this affair, I would much rather clear the air and move on. Especially if it means getting more time with such a favored clutchmate, don’t you agree? I welcome peace, and comfort--for too soon, we shall face our Enemy. For Hybreoth, for all his pride, had always looked upon his pale brother with much favor.  

[Meepfur]

'It sounds like he was a good guy.'

Elibrie's heart lurched, and she clenched her hands in the fabric of her coat. Abruptly, she wanted Kesucianth back - not that she had particularly wanted him to go in the first place, but she was trying very hard not to be selfish and keep him from his brother - but even as he looked back in her direction, concerned, she bade him stay where he was. He'd only just gotten settled, after all. But hearing her friend spoken about in the past tense...that hurt. She knew things were still uncertain, but he wasn't dead, and he wasn't going to die. She had to believe that. "He is," she said, not intending it as a rebuke but to reaffirm it for herself. "He's a very good person."

And that was no small amount of the difficulty in coming to terms with what had happened. Why Juhvek, of all people, and why so badly? He'd not been the only one to not immediately respond to Hybreoth's summons, so why him? And even if he had been, would that really have merited that amount of violence? Yes, she'd heard over and over again in lessons that such things could happen, she'd seen others injured before - injuries like Miela's - but it was different when it was someone she knew, someone she cared about deeply. It was so hard to come to grips with that, and how cruel the world seemed for it. 'Life isn't fair' was no comfort.

Up to now, she had been wrestling her way through the conversation well, but with that one sentence, she'd hit a wall. Things hurt again, sharply so, and she had to stop and get ahold of the feelings before she could continue. A part of her just wanted to leave, but hadn't she told R'him that it was alright? That she didn't mind? But there was a reason her friend wasn't here, that he almost had been past tense, and that reason was sitting not far away, with her dragon. But she was supposed to let it go. She was expected to let it go. It would be better for everyone if she did...and yet, in some corner or her heart, she felt like she would be betraying Juhvek if she did.

It was a lot. All of it.

Elibrie really didn't know how to respond to R'him's attempt at humor, so she simply let it be. She was sure he didn't mean anything by it, but it was far, far too soon for her, and maybe it always would be. Slowly, though, she relaxed her hands, and tried to carry on. Lullaby slipped out of her hood and into her lap, so that she could soothe herself by stroking him in Kesucianth's (physical) absence. With some effort, she mustered up a smile - she was, at least, fairly decent at faking those when necessary. "I suppose you didn't have much use for a winter wardrobe at Western, regardless." For while it might not always be balmy and beautiful, there was cold and then there was mountain cold. "I don't really need the whole world, but it will be nice to give Kesucianth a bath somewhere warm."

She'd never been adventurous, and even now couldn't imagine up and going somewhere just because she wanted to - except to see a certain friend, but she didn't even want to consider the possibility that by the time such options were open to her, she'd have to go anywhere to visit him. Surely he'd long have been home by then...right? She still struggled with the fact that he'd been sent away at all, though she knew they'd not have done it if it hadn't been in his best interests.

"No, everyone's been fine, but maybe it's different for Candidates than it is for riders transferring in." Or visiting and making a scene, as everyone had heard that particular tale. Maybe some of the more jealous or uncharitable sorts might not enjoy it when a swap from Western went on to Impress a High Reaches dragon, particularly a metallic, but then, they weren't exactly Elibrie's type when it came to friends, so she wouldn't know outside of silly Barracks or Dining Hall gossip - and she wasn't among the Candidates anymore to hear it. "You'll find plenty of friends, I'm sure."

And it wouldn't hurt that he had a bronze, either, though she left that politely unsaid. Not that color biases bothered her - it was simply a fact that many bronzeriders seemed to enjoy a certain amount of popularity, and to keep their fellows' company.

Kesucianth had scarcely had time to even begin to soak in his brother's company when he felt the spike in emotion from His, and he'd quickly jerked his head around to look her way with worried yellow eyes and a wordless offer to return, but at her bidding he stayed in place. Still even as he returned his attention to his brother with an apologetic nuzzle for his lapse in attention, he leaned mentally into his bonded to wrap her in his love. Even if he wasn't physically beside her at this precise moment, he was very much still with her. He was also keen to make sure he was giving Hybreoth his due, however, though he hoped his magnanimous brother would forgive that moment of seeming inattention. Surely he would understand his concern for His. The pale blue was in an abominably tricky position, though he would never say as much to either his rider or his brother; he simply counted his lucky stars that his did not begrudge him his relationship with his sibling, even though he knew it was hard for her right now. He could feel it, and it was hard for him, too. Even though she'd assured him she was fine, that he could stay with Hybreoth for now, he felt guilty for not being right beside her, as he had been almsot all this time.

I care about your feelings, he assured him, and meant it sincerely, even if he was caught in quite a difficult place, since he also cared about Elibrie's feelings. And I'm sure if you wished to speak to someone about it, there are helpful headknobs to be found. After all, he and his had had talks with the Weyrlingmaster and a mindhealer - there were outlets, if Hybreoth wanted them, he was sure. Not that he thought his brother needed them, but...well, he was trying to be helpful, and he was only a very young dragon with limited experience, so that was what he landed on, since it was all very fresh in his mind.

He was honored and pleased to be called favored, and was happy to lean closer to his larger brother. I will take peace for as long as I can have it. Mine and I both need it. He knew that when the time came, she would be ready - that she was braver and stronger than some might realize, but first she needed time to heal.

Uta

sorry she had a moment orz

 

[Uta]

It wasn't difficult to see that something wasn't right. Between the girl grabbing at her coat, and Kesucianth turning to look at her abruptly with yellow eyes--it was safe to say that she was uncomfortable, upset, and that perhaps it would simply be best if he removed himself. Even Hybreoth, who had begun to settle and open up with his brother near, grew defensive once more.

This charade has gone on long enough. He spoke to His, even as he began to untangle himself from his blue clutchmate, eyes a mix of colors that ran from angry to distressed. I wish to be away. Now. And he would brook no opposition.

R'him heaved a sigh, sending His a wave of love and assurance. Perhaps his bronze was right. Maybe this...wasn't what was needed. Maybe he should have just left her alone.

To Elibrie, he gave a low dip of his head, in apology. "You okay? Er..It's not, is it? It's pretty clear I'm just shaffing this whole thing up, aren't I? It really wasn't my intention, coming over," he explained, crestfallen. "That said, I don't want to upset you, or Yours, or Hybreoth any further." He stood up, feeling a bit a fool, and irritated at himself for even trying. Perhaps he should have listened to his bronze and let well enough alone. Perhaps he simply should have given Elibrie more time. But what time was there? They would be working together, studying together, seeing each other every day--and the longer this festered, the worse it would be.

He didn't know this girl, and she likely had little interest in getting to know him, or His. And that would simply have to be the way of it. He wasn't here to torture anyone, and he never was the sort to walk on egg shells in any situation. Just because they were weyrlings didn't mean they had to be friends--but at least he could walk away saying he had tried to make things right. "I'm sure we'll be working together regularly, but you don't have to pretend to enjoy it or anything. No need to spare my feelings--I get it, it's a complicated mess. So long as we get the job done, guess that's all the matters, right?" Just another working relationship, like he used to have in his troupe. At minimum, that was something he could do. "Anyway--I'm sorry for taking up your time--I assure you, my intentions were well meant."

Hybreoth, for his part, didn't want to leave Kesucianth but he was only a baby--and a proud baby at that. As much as he loved his brother, even he could pick up on Elibrie's strong feelings, and Kesucianth's concern--and it upset him, equally. He reached out to rub a cheek against his pale blue brother, before untangling himself. And I will always care about you, dear Kesucianth. But perhaps it would be better if I distance myself from you when Yours is around. Consider it a courtesy bestowed only for you, for I would not shy away for any other. But oh, how it chafed to be in such a position. If he did not bestow Kesucianth with such favor, he would care little about what his presence did or did not provoke in others.

But he did hate to see yellow in his brother's eyes, or for His to feel so out of sorts. No. It was best they all parted ways for some time. Perhaps we can spend time together at a more convenient juncture.

Meepfur

Oops! Well, R'him isn't here to drag this on... pretty clear it's probably best to give her space. Yellow eyed dragons are a pretty clear tell. LOL .

 

[Meepfur]

She was trying so hard, and it was frustrating to fail in spite of all her efforts. She had to get past this, she had to, if she ever wanted to be a normal weyrling if she she didn't want this to be all anyone thought she was. Just a weak little girl who hadn't been able to handle what they'd trained for. One hand clenched in her coat again as she forced back tears.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely, for she truly was. "You said...you said he was, like he's dead." It wasn't accusatory, but she thought he at least deserved to know what had made her upset. She'd tried to stifle it, but clearly hadn't done so well enough - she simply had too many tells. "I'm sorry, it's- it's my fault. You- I know you mean well, I just-"

I'm broken.

Elibrie looked up as he made ready to leave, though it was difficult to meet his eyes...but she had always shied away from looking men in the eyes, so that was hardly a new development. "I want to try again, please. Not now, but we can...we can talk about something else."

She could try to be normal, if he could forgive her for being such a mess in the beginning. Not that he was under any obligation to - he was a bronzerider, after all, so the lead was his. He didn't owe her anything, not even the apology he'd come to give. She would understand if she wasn't worth the effort. The trouble.

The yellow in Kesucianth's eyes was quickly joined by gray as his brother bristled and moved to depart. His posture sagging, he looked sadly between his rider and Hybreoth. He loved his brother dearly, but His was his world, and to feel her hurt so... He nuzzled softly at the bronze, before moving to wrap himself around Elibrie. On his way, he gently tapped R'him's hand with his nose - he understood what the young man was trying to do, and he appreciated it.

Another time, then, brother. I will look forward to it. A courtesy indeed, though times when he wasn't near His were, by necessity, few and far between at this juncture. But eventually, perhaps.

Uta