Vikabro is Overthinking

[Vikabro]

I have been blessed by the gods with skin that doesn't burn too easily. Yet I never really try to take advantage on my genetics to try to get a nice tan.  

[Vikabro]

Things have been good lately. I'm feeling a little less stressed. But not really that much motivated. But I'm at least trying to get a few things done at least. Even though it isn't as much as I would have liked.

I checked my weight today. No change to report. I'm just maintaining. I guess better to remain as I am than to gain weight. Though honestly aside from added stress the quarantine isn't really really having too much of affect on me. Luckily no one I really know had come down with covid.

I'm trying to save up some money. I'm using envelopes to help with that.  

[Vikabro]

Some nights I don't really sleep too well. Which would in turn have me sleeping all day. It doesn't help that I don't really have any type of structure as I don't actually have any kind of job right now.

Weight loss progress isn't really going anywhere. I haven't really been losing weight as I was hoping I would. Yet at the same time I'm not gaining weight either. So I'm glad I'm not gaining but I'm not really happy I'm not losing.

I'm thinking that if I can drop at least ten points in the next month I'll set $100 aside. Put the money in envelopes as I thought to start back with that savings plan I started at the beginning of the year. I kinda stopped doing it when the covid lockdowns started happening back in march. I thought I'd start back on that as things seem to becoming a little bit more stable. Or at least it seems like it is. Unfortately there have been a spike of new cases in my stare probably because of the idiots that don't wear mask. I still feel bad about the one time I forgot to take a mask with me into one place and when I realized I wanted to hurry out. I guess at least no one pointed it out but it was feeling awkward.

If I never mentioned the savings plan I'll go over it here.

The original idea is to take 100 envelopes and number them 1-100 and then each week take two envelopes and put the amount listed on the envelope and put them all into a box.

The way I've been doing it have been very different.

First off I have way over 100 envelopes. I don't even know how many I have numbered at this point. All I know is that I have bought at least 5 boxes of 80 envelopes from a dollar store. That isn't including the envelopes I already had on hand which is over 200.

To number I either used a random number generator or up to 5 D20 to pick the numbers. I take out anywhere between 10 - 30 out from the box in which I store the numbered envelopes and fill them when I can. I can probably fill up quite a few of these envelpes due to hyper-fixation on wanting to fill the envelopes. So I can save up quite a bit at once if I really wanted to.

This is something I do recommend, though probably not to the obsessive degree that I've taken it.

I believe that for the majority of myself I considered myself as trans. In a way I still do. But perhaps I fit more under the term of non-binary as I've started embracing my feminine side instead of shunning it as I did for a good portion of my life.

Though I haven't told my family this. Mostly because I'm a bit scared of what they might think. I figured do what makes me comfortable and happy and those who don't like it can ******** right off. I have a few family members who HATE it when my hair is cut short. Even though I prefer short hair most of the time I love it when I get my hair cut after having it kinda long for a while just to piss them off. Like, it is my hair. Your opinion doesn't ******** matter to me, Karen.

That being said I actually did try to get top surgery under the guise of a simple breast reduction. Since they actually do cause me pain I figured it would actually be covered by insurance and I'd just go as flat as possible.

Well that didn't work out as I hoped as they didn't operate on me because I was too fat. I don't blame them. With my body weight it would be a risky thing to do even if it would ultimately alleviate my back pain.

So if I would manage to lose enough weight for the procedure would I try again? ******** YES I WOULD!

I guess that is enough rambling for today.  

[Vikabro]

Not a lot for me to say for today.

Beginning of the week I received a mask that I ordered from Wish at the beginning of the month. I completely forgot about it. It has a butterfly pattern.

Aside from that my stomach issues have spiked slightly. But I have lost a few pounds.  

[Vikabro]

Getting a bit of a cooldown. Things are okay so far aside from some stomach issues I'm facing,  

[Vikabro]

heart heart heart

I am hoping that next month I can have better control over my spending. I am probably saying this every month. One thing that really doesn't help is that I spend most of the month being broke and when a new month starts I use most of what I get on things I need. This causes me to run out of money quickly and just resume the cycle.

The problem, I only get money at the beginning of each month. I don't have a job so I rely on disability. I'm at least in a position where I don't really have to worry about making payments for the house I live in. [Basically rent free]

The things I do actually cover are three of the four streaming services used here. though one of those three I pay for are ones only I use anyway. The ones used here are Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus, and Crunchy Roll. The one I'm not paying for is Disney Plus. I will also buy things I feel are needed for the house.

The issue is that the list of things that either I need or things that are needed for the house tend to pile up while I'm broke that I burn right through my money when I do get it in order to get some of the things I need to buy.

One thing I'd like to try is not to buy everything at once. Pick the item that would take the highest priority then get that first. Then after getting it to wait at least a week before getting the next item if it can wait.

 

[Vikabro]

Lately, I haven't been sleeping well at night. Either I can't go asleep until after 5 AM or it isn't as bad and I'm able to fall asleep at about 12.  

[Vikabro]

What do you think would be the worst thing about being famous?

For me I think it would be the amount of attention would get at all times. Sure there'll be people who love you. But there will be people that would hate you that would love to see you suffer and would look for any mess up you might have in order to try to destroy you.

Then there are the perverts who would think it is okay to objectify you for one reason or another.

I can't even imagine being at all popular. For a while, I've been wary about showing my actual face online yet alone anything about me. But on the other hand, it's amazing how supportive other people can be to others.  

[Vikabro]

Had a pretty good nap. I really like naps.  

[Vikabro]

Lately, I've been overthinking my gender identity. It's just getting frustrating.

Sometimes I'm okay with the way I am. I was strangely excited when I got a bra and it fits me well and it looked good. Other times I see myself in the mirror and I absolutely hate what I see and end up thinking, 'Maybe I would have been better off born a man.'

I ******** hate the back the fourth where I can sometimes accept myself as I am, and then suddenly hate everything about myself. Lately, it has been so extreme where I'm often asking myself, 'what am I?'

I suppose right now the best I could come up with it either gender-nonconforming, non-binary or probably genderfluid. The last making the most sense as I seem to have two modes.  

[Vikabro]

Figuring my idenity.

For so long I've been questioning my identity. Flipflopping between questioning if I'm trans or if I'm not then other times not really caring. I believe at this point it might be best just to settle on Non-Binary/Gender Fluid.

If anyone wants to know the situation about pronouns I don't really care. Use what you feel suits me. Not that it really matters here.

Vax

So, today I am to get my second shot. I got my first one last month. Only because the store I was in just happened to have a few extra doses. I didn't register or even made an appointment. I only got it when I did because the pharmacy tech happened to pass me on the way to a bathroom.

Budget Envelopes

In March I started with budget envelopes in hopes that it would keep me from spending my money too quickly. I found this really is helpful as I have a very limited income. Also find it better to primary use cash instead of a card.  

[Vikabro]

I somehow got some extra money. The first thing I did was to buy a new Vita because the one I had before had gone missing on me. The only reason I didn't bother getting a replacement until now is how expensive those things are. The one I as was just a little shy of $500. Though I do occasionally see them for less but that isn't often.

What sucks is that GameStop doesn't seem to sell them anymore, and the Disk Replay I live near doesn't seem to have it in stock too often. The only time they had it it wasn't really available yet. Then the next time I'm there it was gone.

As much as I wish there was a better option I did end up sucking it up and buying it. It's a bit crazy because the first one wasn't nearly as much. I think I paid only $200 for the first one and that one came with a memory card. Figuring out how to get one of those is a completely different nightmare as it seems like the price of those things had gone up. Why couldn't they just use Micro SD cards? Luckily for there are adapters. So I could just a micro SD card. But I think I've already got a decent one somewhere that I could use.

Then I went to check prices for a PlayStation 5. In which I didn't really get good results. In short, most places are currently sold out and the only ones available are being sold by scalpers by double the price as they should me. But since I went and got a Vita it probably isn't a good idea to go and get a Ps5. But I partly don't want to get the 5 yet because my 4 is still working pretty well.

Either way, these scalpers are really pissing me off. Not only is this being done to PlayStation systems but also to Pokemon cards. Not too long ago I found that my collection binders were missing. I couldn't find them anywhere. So I had to start over with what spares I had. When it came to buying new cards I was irritated I couldn't find any anywhere. Luckily for me, I was able to buy a good portion from Disk Replay, yet it isn't the same as opening a booster pack and finding either something you don't have or a better version of something you already do have. There are still options I can use in order to get cards. But I would still like to get packs from a store.