Awesome thingy... hee hee Charge of the Chocolate god/dess

[Light Chakra]

Charge of the Chocolate Goddess

Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old called: Godiva, Ethel M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies. In the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be free from depression. And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence. For mine is the ecstasy of phenylalanine, and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even into high orbit, for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand". Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy padding pounds on your hips. I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy onto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death,well, I can't do much there. Sorry about that. I demand only your money in sacrifice, for behold, chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.

Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere: I, who am the beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of candy, from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and again.... and again. Before my smeared face, beloved of women and men, thine innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within thy mouth that rejoices. For behold, all acts of yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite-size pieces, peanut butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you. And you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery: "We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it". For behold: I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land. Messed be.

Charge of the chocolate God

Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was called Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely, Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many other names: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on the floor but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate. No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out, and I will become your sacred prey. I am warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown. I give you my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of a piece of chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away. By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you, by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you, and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you. Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy. Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that which is called "baking chocolate, for it is vile and bitter. Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself beknown as a conoisseur. Leave a little for someone else. I am with you always, just over your shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of Chocolate, and when you have reached the end of you hoard, I will never be further away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner. I am the spirit of the wild child, the inner child who can never get quite enough. If you are a true chocolate-lover, then your soul and mine are intertwined. May the great wings of Inanna enfold you, may the wisdom of Hecate guide you, and above all, may the curiosity of Persephone always keep you fresh, young at heart and mentally alive.

- Copyright 1993, John Shepard, Performed at Dragonfest, August 1993.  

[Light Chakra]

Charge of the Credit Card Goddess

Listen to the words of the Great Mall Mother, who of old was called
Bargain Basement Shopper, Flea Market Browser, and The Half-Off
Sale Spotter: "Whenever you have need of anything, or simply have
an irresistible urge to spend money, once a month, or more often if
your credit limit permits, and better it be when your charge card isn't
overextended, you shall assemble in a huge place called The Mall, to
adore the Spirit of Spending, AKA The Great Mall Mother. You shall
be free to charge as much as you want, and as a sign that you be free,
you shall have Mastercard, Visa, American Express, Sears, and
J.C.Penney cards at your fingertips. Charge pagan CD's, charge herbs,
candles, and Tarot cards, charge chocolate, charge anything that shall
bring you ecstasy of the spirit and make your life more joyous on earth.
For my law is CHARGE EVERYTHING! The charge card is the secret
that opens the doors of all the shops in the mall. The Cauldron of Credit
is the Holy Grail of unlimited spending and high finance charges. It gives
knowledge of eternal debt in exchange for the freedom to buy what you
want even when you can't afford it. It brings reunion with all your friends
and neighbors who've also come unto the mall to use their plastic. Nor do
I demand aught of sacrifice, except that you shall deposit your entire
paycheck in the bank to cover your credit card bills, for behold, I am the
bringer of all material things, and my account number, expiration date, and credit limit are poured out to all who apply and are found to qualify.



- Unknown.  

[Light Chakra]

[ Message temporarily off-line ]  

[Light Chakra]

This is awesome, there was a group who took the time to imagine all the reasons why initiation doesn't work over the internet... lmfao


HPS>> Before we start our initiation ritual, I have an announcement. Fluffy Moon Ferret has totally burned out her hard drive and probably won't be able to get back on line for at least two weeks

EAST>> Darn! She was going to teach us how to make cyber corn dollies next week sad

HP>> Can I suggest that we table this and get down to business?

EAST>>Yes, sorry

HP>> We're about to start the initiation ritual. Is everyone ready?

WEST>> Present

EAST>> Ready

SOUTH>>Roger

INITIATE>> I am ready

>~~(1 minute pause)~~

HPS>> North?

>~~(1minute pause)~~

HP>>NORTH??

NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot

HPS>> Ok, we are all here. Initiate, are you skyclad and ready?

INITIATE>> Not yet-- hold on, I need to get a pillow

HP>>Pillow?

INITIATE>>Yes, I have a metal chair here at my desk. OK-- BRB

>~~(2 minute pause)~~

INITIATE>> Ok, I am ready and skyclad

HPS>>Good, now do you have the cord?

INITIATE>> Yes, I have an orange one I got on sale at the fabric store today, is that ok?

HP>>It will have to do. OK, now, tie your hands behind your back, then bring the cord up around your neck...

INITIATE>>Ummm.... I can't do that by myself..

HPS>>Do you have anyone there to help you?

INITIATE>>Only my mom, but she would kill me if she knew what I was doing in here

HP>>OK, forget the cord. Do you have the blindfold?

INITIATE>>Yes, I do

HPS>>OK, put the blindfold on and don't peek while we cast the circle. Give us about four minutes

INITIATE>>OK, I'm going to put the blindfold on now, how will I know when you are ready for me?

HP>>Do you have an alarm clock?

INITIATE>>Yes, but it's in my room

HP>>Can you go get it?

INITIATE>>Yes, but I'd have to put my clothes on-- my mom is in the next room

HPS>>Never mind, just put on the blindfold and count to 240

INITIATE>>OK

>~~(4 minute pause)~~

HPS>> Initiate?

>~~(1minute pause)

HP>>INITIATE??

HPS>>Maybe he got disconnected?

INITIATE>>I am here-- are you ready for me?

HPS>>Yes, the circle is cast. Do you have your sword?

INITIATE>>Sword?

HP>>Yes, while you imagine that I am holding my sword with the tip against your heart I want you to hold your sword in the same way

INITIATE>>I don't have a sword..

HP>>Do you have an athame?

INITIATE>>no..

HP>>Do you have anything sharp in there?

INITIATE>>There's a pen on the desk..

HP>>Ok, point the pen at your heart

INITIATE>>OK

HP>>How do you enter this circle?

INITIATE>>In perfect love and perfect trust

HPS>>Good, now I need to whisper the sacred words to you

INITIATE>>whisper?

HPS>>Yes, do you have two phone lines? I can call you with them

INITIATE>>No, only one

HPS>>Ok, I'll e-mail them to you BRB

HPS has left the chat room**

>~~(1 minute pause)~~

HPS has joined the chat room**

HPS>>Ok, I mailed them

INITIATE>>OK, I'll go look

INITIATE has left the chat room**

>~~(1 minute pause)~~

INITIATE has joined the chatroom**

INITIATE>>I can't get into my hotmail-- I keep getting a message that the servers are down

HPS>>OK, you can get them later. Now imagine that I am pushing you from behind into the circle

INITIATE>>from behind?

HPS>>Yes, kinda like you are tilted, I am holding on to the cord. Oh wait.. no cord.. ok, just pretend I am pushing you into the circle

INITIATE>>Ok

HPS>>Now we are going to go around the circle three times.

INITIATE>>OK

>~~(1 minute pause)~~

HPS>>Now we're stopping in front of the altar and I am holding the scourge

INITIATE>>OK

HP>>You must kneel at the altar while the High Priestess scourges you

INITIATE>>Do you want me to imagine that I am kneeling in front of the altar or do you really want me to kneel in front of my computer?

HP>>Can you kneel and still see the screen?

HPS>>If he kneels he must also put his head down on the floor

HP>>Well, I guess he can't kneel then

HPS>>Yes, he can, I have an idea. Initiate--kneel and put your head to the floor and imagine that I am scourging you

INITIATE>>OK

HPS>>I am now scourging you

>~~(2 minute pause)~~

HPS>>Initiate you must now scourge me twice as many times

>~~(1 minute pause)

HPS>>Initiate?

HP>>INITIATE???

INITiATE>> I am here, now what do I need to do?

HP>>You must imagine that you are scourging the High Priestess

WEST>>I need to go-- the baby woke up and needs to be fed

HP>>Can you feed him at the computer?

WEST>>Yes, I'll bring him back here with me. North, can you cut me a door?

>~~( 1 minute pause)~~

WEST>>I really need to go-- the baby is crying

HP>>NORTH??

>NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot

HP>>Can you cut West a door? NOW?

NORTH>>OK, all set

WEST has left the chatroom**

HPS>> Ok, should we continue or wait until West comes back?

SOUTH>>I think we should continue

EAST>>We should wait

WEST has joined the chatroom**

WEST>>I am back, North can you cut me back in?

>~~( 1minute pause)~~

HP>>NORTH!!!

NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot. West you are all set

HP>>Ok, where were we?

HPS>>The initiate has to scourge me. I am going to kneel down here now, and imagine that he is plying the scourge

INITIATE>>Ok, I am imagining that I am scourging the High Priestess

>~~( 2 minute pause)~~

INITIATE>>I am done

HP>>Priestess?

>~~(1 minute pause)~~

HPS>>I need to go right now

HP>>Why? We are not finished here

HPS>> I banged my head on the desk when I got up-- hard-- I am bleeding all over my computer. I need to go to the ER for stitches

HPS has left the chatroom**

HP>>OK, we'll make this a healing circle instead

INITIATE>>I have to go too, my mom is in the hallway screaming and wants to know what I am doing

INITIATE has left the chatroom**

HP>> OK, everyone go light candles and we'll try to do this again tomorrow night

**Chatroom closed**

credit for this goes to a Raven Gilmart