[META RP] Feeble Optimism (Leeroi + Elidae)

[blackbird cake]

 

[blackbird cake]

The awkward ride back to the planet was filled with a number of thoughts that rattled around in Elidae's thinkpan. It took the whole time of travel for her to decide whether or not she would approach the blueblood- though she had trouble deciding what to say exactly. She didn't want the animosity between any of them to be a continuous occurrence, especially considering Leeroi would have to continue working under Kursha. The relationship between Leeroi and Kursha perplexed her. She needed to understand. She also needed information and clarity on what the blueblood meant when he said "It's her." It had been bothering her deeply since.

From somewhat of a distance, she saw his recognizable form walking away and Elidae hesitated behind him. With uncertainty, she jogged up behind him and attempted to approach, reaching to tap or gently grab his shoulder. Instead, she redacted her hand and held back for a moment. Her stomach churned with anxiety and images of him baring his teeth, laughing. She breathed in. Then, she suddenly quickened her pace and came up beside him, but with a few feet of distance.

"L-Leeroi, can I talk to you?" Elidae blurted suddenly, but she felt very frond in mouth the moment she spoke and braced herself for his reaction.


Kimbley Kitty

 

[zeflamigo]

Leeroi was not one to plan. This situation he was in with Kursha, with Elidae... it was not one that he knew how to deal with. He had no idea how to spin the odds into his favor, how to get under Kursha's skin. All he knew was that his military career was being threatened by that brat of a commander. He had to sit still and take orders from a troll he did not in the least respect. It was eating at him.

He turned his attention to the tactile, to keep active. Workouts, engineering, gerbils, anything to take his mind off his shitty situation. At least his moirail was on the base, giving him someone to complain to. But even that was a bandaid on a wound that was still bleeding.

Recognizing Elidae's voice, he stood still for a moment, then turned halfway to confirm that it was indeed her. This was another thing he didn't know how to deal with. He frankly didn't have the energy to be nice. Pretending like things were alright wasn't something Leeroi could do.

"What do you need?" Leeroi's response was curt, indifferent. It was as professional as a troll like him could offer.

blackbird cake

 

[blackbird cake]

His apathy came as a surprise, relieving almost, yet she knew it wasn't necessarily a good sign. Of course he wouldn't be happy to see her, she knew that, but being treated with disinterest always made a troll feel bad. Especially Elidae. It was difficult to think a troll she had such a genuine and pure interest in now made her feel a multitude of negative emotions. With furrowed brows, her lips pursed as she assessed his body language, trying to determine how to approach it.

"There were some things said- and done- on our mission. That might be an understatement, but-" Elidae grimaced and brought a hand to her face to somewhat conceal her discomfort. Taking a deep breath, she peeked through her fingers and then slowly removed them. She straightened her back and looked head on. Her hands shook as she balled them into tight fists at her side. "Why? Why did you say "it's her"? And what kind of relationship do you have with Captain Vidari? I want to understand your perspective."  

[zeflamigo]

Leeroi sighed, looking at the floor. Slowly, he turned to face Elidae. He crossed his arms, still indignant, but willing to share his story. If Elidae wanted to hear it, she deserved it.

"I used to admire the Captain when I was younger- when I signed up for my first mission with the military," Talking about the failure he felt from that mission somehow still felt raw. He chose not to bring it up. Scowling, he looked away.

"At that party, where we met?" His eyes flickered up at Elidae for a short moment. "Well, he bullied me, stole my book, then beat me to unconsciousness." Leeroi paused, thinking. He squeezed his arm. How did she not already know this? The whole thing made a huge scene. He supposed the whole party was one big scene on its own.

Leeroi laughed, softly like a hum. "I thought I just would have to hate him from afar, after that." His expression soured, and he scratched the back of his head. "Then he recruited me." He looked away, face contorting into a snarl.

"I didn't get it, so I asked him why," Leeroi was getting himself worked up, talking fast, face flushing. Then, he was silent for a long moment, staring daggers into the floor tile. "He did it as a joke!" he finally yelled, feeling awful to even say it.

Leeroi pulled at his arms, fidgeting and trying to remember to breathe. "This- this isn't a joke to me!" He glanced back up at Elidae, expression contorted but not intentionally malicious. "I'm not a joke!" he added, pressing a hand to his chest. He could feel his bloodpusher beating fast.  

[blackbird cake]

Dealing with Leeroi felt akin to trying to help a hurting wild animal. While she didn't want to get too close, she could tell everything that happened wounded him deeply on a level she wondered if she could even get to, even if she wanted to. Elidae glanced around momentarily. Where was Psykgi? Wasn't she his moirail? As he progressively became more and more upset, relinquishing his indifference, she became more aware. Avoiding his gaze, he looked upwards and everywhere but him.

Awassi's... she remembered now. A few memories tucked away from her own self began to project clearly in her thinkpan. Eridia's speech replaying. The library, seeing Leeroi bandaged up from afar. Kursha tripping him. It was amazing how many things about Kursha seemed to continuously pop up, even when in deep with their moirallegiance. More importantly- things about her younger self she had to deal with even now. The guilt set in badly, even if it wasn't her fault. Or... was it. He never directly answered her question of what he meant when he said "its her".

"Y-You're not a joke!" Elidae agreed almost instantaneously, coming back to him. Whether or not Kursha did consider Leeroi a joke was beyond her; she just needed to slap a band-aid on this real quick before it escalated.

"At least- I don't think you're a joke!" Elidae put a hand to her chest. "... Look, I-" She paused. She didn't know if Leeroi knew what she and Kursha were. She held her tongue for a moment, deciding not to bring it up; it could have been obvious by her actions. "Kursha takes his job pretty seriously and given that anyone he recruits- its kind of a big decision- I'd say that's a, uh, good thing!" Was she sprinkling salt in his wounds or sprinkles?

"I don't know if it helps, but I do believe he picked you for a reason. A-And not because of what you think!" She said with a hard nod, trying to offer a reassuring smile. "You're incredibly smart! And-and-and talented! That arm? So amazing! You did great work out there! I mean- until you kind of... shoved him." Elidae then made somewhat of a grimace.


Quote:

 

[zeflamigo]

Leeroi stood tall, a frown still plain on his face. He was assuaged by Elidae's comments, but it felt bittersweet. The unearned platitudes weighed heavy in his chest. He was not at all satisfied.

"He shot at me, Elidae," Leeroi's tone was plain and gruff. "Made me dance like some kind of clown," He pulled and scratched at his arm again. Had it not been made of metal, he would have drawn blood. He huffed, turning his face up towards the yellowblood again. "If he takes his job so seriously, why don't I get the same courtesy?"

He sighed, bringing his palm to his cheek, then using it to sweep back his hair. This really wasn't worth all the tribulation. There were other lieutenants who were interested in him, right? Maybe he'd have to try and work something out. But there was something else he wanted to know.

"Why did he recruit you?"  

[blackbird cake]

As she observed him, she gave somewhat of a concerned look at his body language and the scratching at his arm. Her words weren't working. Elidae winced.

She knew Kursha's actions were wrong, but the greenblood was a whole other problematic issue that needed to be dealt with, albeit differently. She could apologize on Kursha's behalf, but perhaps another time. For the moment- Elidae needed to address Leeroi's sudden question that threw her off guard.

"I-I... I don't know!" She sputtered after a moment, somewhat indignantly. It was half the truth. The obvious answer held significance. The question had Elidae question herself. It vexed her. "It's different for me." That wasn't the right thing to say. Returning back into a state of defense and somewhat ready to backtrack, the yellowblood stood straighter and held his gaze, unwavering. The pusher in her chest quickened.

"Why did you say "its her" when I got between you two?"

 

[zeflamigo]

Leeroi's bloodpusher sank. His anger faded from expression, filling with something more akin to pain. Elidae's reaction answered a question he already expected the answer to. He sighed, not knowing why it affected him as much as it did. "I figured it would be," Leeroi said, looking away, kicking idly at the ground.

He couldn't dodge Elidae's question again. She was adamant, wanting to know more. Somehow, Leeroi didn't feel like it was his information to share. He cleared his throat, trying to figure out how to phrase his thoughts.

"Well, I started thinking... about why Kursha is doing this..." Leeroi started fidgeting again. "I couldn't help but realize that, well... You're always there." Leeroi winced at what he was saying. "And I'm nice to you, sure... But maybe that's the problem?" He couldn't bring himself to look at the yellowblood.  

[blackbird cake]

Immediately, her fists relaxed and Elidae stood there somewhat surprised. Her bloodpusher squeezed a little in response to the sudden shift in demeanor. He looked so... sad? What did she say? She expected him to pick a fight with her, yell, stomp, scream- not... act disappointed.

The turbulent flipping between emotions reminded her strongly of Kursha, yet she didn't know this blueblood as well. She had some ideas. He was sweet, fascinating, charming. And then he was utterly terrifying, belligerent, uninhibited, and had a clear distaste for the troll closest to her. It was stupid, but she couldn't help still think he was cute. Why did she always think they were cute?

As she exhaled, there was a soft laugh. It was neither malicious or mocking, but a little in disbelief. "Huh?" Blinking, she put a palm her forehead as she stared at him with a dumbfounded expression. "Why would that be a problem?" Elidae wondered aloud, unable to put two-and-two together. "I would hope my moirail would be happy to see someone being nice to me!" Her lips cracked into a smile, and then she fell into a string of giggles at the thought.

She suddenly stopped. She dropped her moirallegiance. Would Kursha have cared? Would Leeroi care? Did it matter? She didn't know.

"Uhhh! What... do you mean, though...?" As she spoke, Elidae's expression seemed to dip down from her previous high and fell into one reflecting his own pained look a few moments earlier. "O-Oh. Wait. D-... Do you want me to stop talking to you?"

 

[zeflamigo]

Moirail. There was a word. It wasn't the one he was expecting, but it wasn't one he liked. Part of him couldn't help but judge. Leeroi knew he was a handful for Psykgi- even her presence alone gave him some clarity of mind. He wouldn't have gotten through the mission with Tamiya without her, probably. He failed to see how Elidae inhibited similar emotions in Kursha.

Shrugging off the thought, Leeroi once again fell into the feeling of not knowing what to say or how to say it. Psykgi was better at this, coaching the words out of him when in the middle of a million emotions. Honestly, she could read Leeroi's expression and probably figure out what he thought. He'd need to talk to her after this.

After a long, painful stretch of silence, Leeroi spoke. "I don't want to..." He said, expression unreadable. Shifting his footing, he looked back up at Elidae. "I might... have to." He explained.  

[blackbird cake]

This was harder than she expected. This wasn't how she wanted this to pan out. Leeroi gave him the answer she didn't want to hear. She didn't even care if he said he didn't want to.

Swallowing hard, she realized her eyes began to sting with the presence of unwarranted tears. She dabbed at them and stared at her hand blankly. "R-Right.." Shutting down, Elidae needed to reboot and start over. Instantaneously, her expression flickered back on to something resembling friendliness.

"Unfortunately, we're both under the same commanding officer." The yellowblood said matter-of-factly, adjusting her sleeves. She didn't spare him any glance, nor the wet marks on the cuffs of her uniform. "Given Captain Vidari's generosity, that is. ... And mine." Finally, the yellowblood glanced up to him with a hard look. And then she smile at him. It gave off eerily cheerful vibes and did not translate well with the situation, but it was Elidae's only defense. She came to him, trying to find an answer to help the situation, so they could all get along. She felt like a failure and she couldn't stand it.

"Excuse me, Corporal. I have another assignment to get to!" Elidae moved past him, keeping her head straight on and her back aligned. It wasn't until she turned a corner and out of Leeroi's sight where she let her guard down and breathed in a sharp breath out of anger and hurt. The sting felt raw in her chest. She didn't know who to blame. Or talk to. But she certainly had to pull herself together. With a steadying sigh, she made way back to her office to prepare for her next ship.

 

[zeflamigo]

Leeroi leaned back, eyes wide watching Elidae. She was crying. Leeroi didn't know what to do about it. He squinted, looking almost pained. She didn't deserve this. He didn't want this. He wanted to wipe away those tears and promise to make things better. But he didn't know how to do that. So he didn't.

He stood in the same spot, scratching his arm like before. He couldn't even watch her go. Instead, he listened for her steps, waiting until he couldn't hear them anymore. When she was out of earshot, he yelled. Hands balled into fists, he stood angrily in place, shaking with emotion.

What was he thinking? Military be damned, this was not how a hero acted. Running around, making innocent trolls cry. He was supposed to defend them. He was supposed to stand up for himself. This business with Kursha was utter bullshit, but he wasn't afraid of him. He had to confront him, do something.

Leeroi tapped his feet, crossing his arms. He started to get an idea, however clouded by anger. A smile crossed his face, and he chuckled. This would require some preparation...