Quiet contemplations on qualities of color (Luiciand Illa)

[faesinger]

Luiciand had managed to contain his emotions for the duration of the hatching. Mostly because he had no desire to be responsible for the distress of a dragonet, much less the death of one. But as he walked off the sands he could feel his anger rising and knew he needed to get away from people for a while. At least there was time before the feast to collect himself.

Basically he was livid and envious of not only C’ryn but all of them, even the ones that impressed colors he thought beneath him. This confused him as he felt that those impressions should not matter to him, but yet they did. So he knew he had to do some serious thinking.

He was not handling the aftermath of his first hatching well. He wanted to rage, to fight, to expound on the reasons that it was unfair, and hurt someone the way he was hurting. But the people he wanted to yell at were not the ones at fault, and the very action of the yelling could endanger the lives of the new hatchling. So he removed himself from the area, and found a ledge at the top of the bowl to be where no one would bother him

It wasn’t fair that C’ryn, stupid infatuated with a different egg C’ryn, had impressed the bronze. Though it as not to be unexpected considering the fit that had been thrown at the touching. Still. Didn’t he deserve a dragon too? He was just as good as anyone else that had impressed, right? He didn’t feel as good as them though. Even the ones that impressed greens were now better than him and it chaffed at his pride.

How do they do it? What secret did they possess that he was lacking in? Could it be that he wasn’t meant to have a dragon at all? He tried to remind himself that this was only the first hatching he had ever attended, there would be more hatchings. That this wasn’t the end of it. Even aging out wasn’t the end of ti as Dristan had proven. So he still had a chance. But could he stand there again as people impressed around him and he did not? But for a dragon? He could.

Was a green as good as a bronze? Everything he had been taught both said yes and no. The Weyr clearly valued bronzes above greens, but then a brownrider, a female brownrider at that, ran his company. With a greenrider mate. How did V’kas do it? The green did not make him less of a man…even though that was what some thought. It was clearly not the case. And V’kas didn’t seem to care what others thought. But Luiciand did care. But why should he care? He would know and isn’t that what matters?

Luiciand started stacking small rocks on top of each other with controlled rage. Then knocking them down in frustration. He wasn’t getting anywhere with his stewing and he knew it. He was just getting more worked up. And dejected. Maybe aspiring to only be a bronzerider was not going to work for him. What would he have done if a green had approached him? Would he have rejected her and sent her between? He couldn’t imagine doing so, but at the same time, would he have in his desire for a bronze? But if he did, he would never have had the chance at a dragon at all again… So maybe any dragon was better than no dragon and likely exile.

Stack the rocks. Knock them down. Stack, knock, stack, knock. He became entirely focused on this task. It was easier than focusing on his heart right then.  

[Fated Fable]

A tall woman came and stood a little behind where Luiciand had began to stack and knock down rocks, her gait long and easy. She moved like an ambling wolf, the confident stride of a person who knew that no one would dare to attack. They'd certainly tried. Illa had known this young man from boyhood, from infancy, really. She had watched him grow. So, in watching him now, she knew something was eating at him. "There now, lad. What's troubling you?" She squatted down, beginning her own rock pile a little ways off from his own. She'd never been great with kids, but new, raw recruits? Well, you had to start somewhere.
 

[faesinger]

Luiciand had heard the other approach and had hoped they would leave him be. When that was clearly not the case a sneer began to form across his face only to have it wiped away when he realized that Illa was the one that was there. He could not sneer at Illa. It wasn't right. His face became very blank as he weighed what to say. He knew better than to lie to the leader, but if he said what was bothering him, he would sound like a whining child.

After a pause and some frantic thinking, no he couldn't yell at her, couldn't cry, couldn't attack her (that was just asking to get his butt kicked), he finally, quietly asked, "How does V'kas do it?"  

[Fated Fable]

Patiently, "Do what, son?" For although Illa had an idea of what Luiciand meant, there was an idea, and there was certainty. And she needed to be certain. Luiciand's emotions demanded nothing less than the seriousness she could command in this conversation. He was having a hard enough time adjusting to the Weyr without making it harder by guessing when she could ask.
 

[faesinger]

Luiciand knocked over his current tower of rocks with a especially sharp lash of his hand. He stared off into the bowl, not avoiding looking at Illa just thinking, at least that was what he told himself. "Command, demand, the respect that he does while riding a green?" It was hard to get those two last words out. They nearly didn't make it out in fact, so quiet they were. He felt guilty for thinking less of V'kas' dragon but she was a green. Weren't they less?  

[Fated Fable]

Illa quirked a brow at that. "Lad, do you think it's the color of the dragon that makes 'em what they are? Or d'you suppose maybe it's who they are that commands respect? V'kas is a damn fine rider, and an excellent weaponsmaster, to boot. Who wouldn't respect the man, or his Green? You've heard all about what Weyrs think... but what does your heart tell you?" She waited.
 

[faesinger]

Still not looking at Illa, but now flushed with shame, Luiciand muttered, "I don't know anymore. A day ago, I'd have said a bronze is better...but watching that hatching...what would I have done if a green had approached me today? I truly don't know. And that scares me." He stopped to take a breath and realized how much he was saying. Well, might as well say it all now and let the lady flay him for it. "A man on a bronze is right. A man on a brown is right. Even sort of on a blue. But today, today, I have to wonder, why is a man on a green not?"  

[Fated Fable]

A wrinkle parted Illa's brows, and she considered him and his words. "A thousand Turns ago or more a woman would ne'er be seen on a Green. Why is a man on a Green not right? An' why is a woman on a Brown wrong? You've let them get to you, lad. An' they don't know one thing about a dragon except what they've been told." Would he have let a Green die, just for some shameful old tale?
 

[faesinger]

Would he have let a green die? He didn't know, but he was damn sure glad he hadn't had to find out. Because he was afraid. Afraid he might just have. They had gotten to him it seemed. But maybe he was just that stupid. "But if that were the case, why are they considered less than? Why can men only impress to bronzes and women to golds? Why can golds not flame but make all the children and then are the better of the females? Why does it all matter?" His voice had been getting more shrill as he went on and actually broke at the end. He looked down at his hands, still avoiding looking at Illa.  

[Fated Fable]

Cocking her head to the side, Illa considered Luiciand's questions. "Truth is, son, it doesn't. None of the dragons are less. None are less important. An' I've heard it said that a dragon will do what they believe they can. So. Bronze dragons and Gold dragons believe they can Impress only to men and women. There were no female Greenriders until there was one, and there you are. Suspect it might be the same. An' a Gold is needed to make more dragons, an' because they can use their thoughts to command them. Just like I use my voice to command the troops." He knew which voice, too. "But don't you think Western Weyr wouldn't keep on runnin' if all that's said of dragons were true?"
 

[faesinger]

He finally looked at her, if only out of the side of his eye, to see if she was messing with him. A dragon did what they believed they could...but...surely in all this time, one would have done it if they could? Still, that was not really what was bothering him so he let it be. For now.

"If you were to believe the people here, Western isn't far from ruin." He was muttering again. "Some people also say that greenriders are all gay... which is provably not true I guess...and some even go as far as to say they are all really girls...but if girls weren't the original ones to impress does that make all girls not on golds actually boys?" He sighed and knocked over his last stack of rocks and stood up. "We aren't going to change the thought patterns of anyone up here are we? And there is a feast to get to." He was sure at least one of them wanted to be there, and it wasn't him. But he would go because they deserved their day, the new weyrlings did.  

[Fated Fable]

"D'you think, then, that V'kas is a lady? Don't tell him so, or he'll be quick to prove he's not." Not, of course, that there was any shame in being gay or a woman. Not at all. "An' they'll talk, as much as they want. It won't serve High Reaches to say their way isn't the only way, see. So they'll say it until they're blue in the face, even there's other ways." Illa set her hand upon Luiciand's shoulder again. "The only thought patterns I'm like to change are yours. So come, let's get something to eat."