[FIN] Those Left Behind (H'sad & Nebbi)

[DruidTigeress]

Masterharper

Warring her pale gather clothes (but not a dress, she hated dresses), Nebbi sat on the stairs of some back hallway, silent except for the occasional sniffing and the far-off din of the starting feast. She sat on her hands, feet tapping back and forth boredly. She didn't really know where she was, some staircase to something, but it didn't matter as long as it was isolated.

She was hiding from Vitre. She didn't want him to see her looking so upset. Not again. She'd finished crying now, though only recently, and that was fairly obvious. She still had to wait a few more minutes, until her eyes and face had cleared of redness, before she could go back in and face him.

She hoped he was better now. She tried to think about his awesome looking green and how excited she was to meet it and talk about it and dance and drink and eat and all that other stuff she'd been excited about until just moments before the end of the hatching, and anything at all that wasn't what was going to happen later tonight when she would have to say goodbye again and leave him. Anything to keep her mind off of that.

She sighed heavily and looked at her lap, wishing her eyes didn't go so blotchy when she cried...  

[Masterharper]

DruidTigeress

...okay sorry for the novel. H'sad apparently decided now was the time to pick through his feels. xD You can just ump to the last post where he finds Nebbi if you want to skip his wave of angst and fear.

H'sad had slipped out of the Hatching Sands almost immediately after he'd found out Dr'stan had Impressed. He had been stunned by the events, with surprise and shock turning into joy, and then suddenly, consumed by fear and angst. While some might wonder what H'sad, a bluerider in his own right, might have to fear about Dr'stan Impressing, the blonde could give a list a mile long.

While Impression was the greatest joy someone on Pern could experience, it also came with a heavy price now that Threadfall returned. H'sad had grown up all his life in High Reaches Weyr, and while V'mel was a capable and strict Weyrlingmaster, there were some clutches which were well reduced in size by the time Graduation came around. Between lessons alone often took innocent lives. Even the most capable of weyrling, or most responsible, could suddenly find themselves one coordinate off and never be seen from again! Those months were some of the toughest, and he knew first-hand how hard it was to lose a friend to such lessons. Who was to say Dr'stan wouldn't be any different? If a rider panicked just before the jump, or flinched -- that could do it. If they went Between too low to the ground, they could reappear again in the Weyr itself when they popped back. Then there were flame lessons, and while it was rarer, dragons who flamed could still get into accidents. Weyrlings died from one rogue belch of flame, or a dragon and rider not paying attention to where they aimed, or appearing from Between flaming... And then, if they even managed it, there would be Threadfall. Inevitably, Dr'stan would find himself having to join the fray and fight the enemy. While it was their duty, it wasn't fun, nor was it easy, and all it too was one hit to do a rider and dragon in.

Shards and shells, H'sad almost felt himself panicking. Dr'stan knew firsthand how bad Thread could be -- he spent time patching up the dragons and sometimes even the riders that suffered burns and scores. When he had to fight Thread, the one assurance he had was that Dristan was safe. When Thread returned, H'sad had been relieved that his love hadn't Impressed. Not because he didn't want the man to find a partner, but because it meant that he didn't have to worry about losing him. Shaffit all, now all he could do was worry...

Maybe it was because he loved Dristan too much. Dr'stan. Maybe it was because he grew up on the dreams of giving his life and limb to the Weyr -- it was the only real skill he had (besides really good hair). Dr'stan had talent though. His friend had tenderness and gentility and patience in droves. He made an excellent healer, and now. . . Now he had to give that aspect up. Ah, but who was he kidding.

Dr'stan would never give up healing. No, he could already see his lover wrapping up his portion of Threadfall, taking care of Cynosuth, and then immediately rushing in to help the healers. And the Weyr would let him, so long as he didn't risk himself or his dragon. Any free moment would be devoted to his craft, because he knew Dristan couldn't let dragons go untended, or have their wounds wait if he could take a moment to patch them up.

The bluerider's shoulders sagged, and he despaired as he took himself far from prying eyes. Let those at the celebration rejoice -- Dristan...Dr'stan....wouldn't notice his absence right away anyway. He had a dragon to tend to, and that would by H'sad enough time to sort out his feelings. He'd probably cry about it later -- when he'd return to his weyr and find some of Dristan's things gone, and the bed empty and cold -- but for now he allowed himself to despair.

Though he felt Cinonth's concern, he also knew the dragon was absolutely enraptured with the new weyrlings. That was probably good. He'd been bonded enough to know how to keep some of his thoughts and feelings private.

Perhaps, besides the overwhemling worries and concerns he harbored, the blonde wept most bitterly over a sliver of selfishness he couldn't control. Dristan now had what he wanted, what he'd dreamed of. He'd been depressed for Turns and nothing H'sad could do had cheered his lover up, or had him regain his confidence. But he had stuck it out, ever hopeful that maybe one day he'd get him back on his feet, open his eyes to all the good in the world. Now he had a dragon, to heal that broken piece within his lover's heart, to accomplish something H'sad could never touch. Now that he had Cynosuth, what did he need H'sad around for, anyway?

He knew it was an unreasonable thought, but the blue rider wasn't feeling logical--- he was just trying to process the shock of it all so he could move on to genuine happiness. Or at least be in a position to better comfortably fake it. He wasn't going to dampen Dr'stan's night -- he would be the happiest, most supportive weyrmate ever. But maybe, when nobody was around to see, he could let himself panic and fret.

Rounding the corner of some dark corridor, the man was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a sniffle (or was it a sigh?) and found what looked to be a little child settled on some stairs. He blinked a few times, stopping dead in his tracks. "Er..." Where was he? And what was the girl doing here? She didn't look like any weyrbrat he knew, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. "Are you all right?" He asked, trying to table his upset as concern from Dr'stan turned to concern for the little child. H'sad hoped the tears that had stung his own cheeks weren't overly visible, and he tried to casually wipe his face with his hands before she noticed. He didn't need that spreading around the Weyr anytime soon.  

[DruidTigeress]

Masterharper

Hearing someone coming down the hall, Nebbi couldn't help the natural instinct to lean forward and see who it was. Even if she was supposed to be hiding. Well, not that it mattered. While she'd never in a million turns let someone catch her crying in the Hold, she didn't even know these people. With any luck, her face would have cleared up enough that it wouldn't be too obvious and whoever it was would just keep walking. The man looked like he might be from the Weyr (at least, he seemed familiar enough with its layout to stroll casually through the halls without paying much attention) and she wondered briefly if he was a rider.

As he came closer, Nebbi quickly averted her gaze, glancing down at her own feet instead. She'd been told she had a bad habit of staring at people, which she often did as she tried to imagine who they were and what they did in life, but instead of moving on, the pair of dark colored boots came to a stop directly in front of her. Lifting her head again, she blinked up at him for a moment, wondering what he wanted. Her eyes wandered slowly backwards towards the stairs, before she suddenly jumped to her feet. "Oh. Sorry! Am I in the way?" she asked, realizing that she had been blocking the stairs.

Now that she was standing though, she got a better look at the man's face and realized he had been crying. She looked away again quickly, embarrassed at having noticed, when he probably didn't want her too. She glanced back at where she was sitting on the stairs. "I was hiding." she admitted, not sure why she was telling a stranger this though. "I didn't want my friend to know I'd been crying." There was no point hiding that she was anymore. She was sure he had noticed. "He... He just impressed." she said with a sigh, and it felt like she was giving a confession. He probably thought she was selfish or jealous... She half expected (half wanted) the man to reproach her. How could she not be happy for her friend?  

[Masterharper]

DruidTigeress

H'sad gave a small shake of his head when the girl bolted out o the way. "No, no, you're not in my way," he assured, forcing a small smile. He didn't want the girl to think he was here to run her out. While a sliver of him did worry that her parents or family might wonder where she'd gotten off to, there was still a small chance she was just a weyrbrat he didn't happen to recognize.

He was about to ask whether or not she was lost, when she actually broke into a confession. Strangely enough, everything she said was strangely relevant. He understood her feelings entirely, despite coming from two different worlds. His forced smile faded as he listened, and he felt his brows knit in concern for the girl. He understood her feelings only too well. The Impression, for all of the joy that it could bring, it also could also leaves others feeling hollow or forgotten.

So the man moved over, and settled down on same steps Nebbi had been sitting. He wiped his face, deciding there was no reason on hiding from a kindred spirit. "Looks like you picked a good place for it," he gave a small understanding smile, this one no longer forced. "I was looking to hide for awhile, too." There was no sense in having the girl feel like she was alone in her feelings.

"What was your friends name?" He decided to ask. Maybe if he got the girl talking, he could get her to feel a bit better. "I'm in a similar situation, you know. My weyrmate Impressed tonight, and... He wasn't really supposed to. At least, he wasn't a Candidate so I wasn't really prepared for it." He hoped the small girl didn't judge him too harshly, but it was the truth. "What's worse?" He added, "Is that I'm a dragonrider. I should be ecstatic for him, but I wasn't really ready for all the changes that this brings. Impression's not always fun for those left behind," he added gently, reassuringly. Nebbi had every right, if not more right than him, to feel her upset and disappointment.

"I guess I'm just not ready to have everything change."

Even though he was a dragon rider, even though he had Cinonth's endless love and care, he wasn't ready to face the thought of their lives changing so suddenly. He feared for Dristan's future, feared for what it meant for their relationship, feared that Cinonth and his love would now be a small side note to his new story. It was selfish, he knew, but he couldn't stop the feelings or the fear.

"What about you? What upsets you most about your friend Impressing?" He patted the seat next to him, in case she wanted to sit back down. Maybe if he tried to cheer her up, or at least give her a place to vent her frustrations freely, she'd feel a bit better prepared to meet her friend. Maybe by helping her, he could help himself, too.  

[DruidTigeress]

Masterharper

"His name was Vitre. He wasn't a candidate either." Nebbi explained with a light sigh. She listened sympathetically as the man spoke. It seemed like they were in the same boat, she could understand exactly what he was saying. Everything happened so fast. She was still trying to come to terms with the world as it was, which felt so different from the world of just that morning, when the evening would have involved nothing more intense than trying to hustle a rider into betting a firelizard egg, and eating far too much cake.

When H'sad patted the steps, Nebbi went to sit beside him, looking at her hands as she spoke. "You must think I'm upset that I didn't get a dragon.." she said. At least, she assumed that's what people thought about her. "But I don't care about that. I wasn't supposed to impress, and neither was he. Not really. We were just here to watch the hatching. Even if we joked about it, I didn't think it would actually happen." Her eyes widened a bit and she smiled. The wonder of that wasn't lost on her, even with everything else. They'd dreamed about this incredible, unlikely thing, and it actually happened.

"I mean, it's amazing! And I'm happy for him, I really am, but..." She bit her lip, her face crumpling. "He's been my best friend since I moved to High Reaches." She could hardly remember a day when they weren't in each others company. "And now.. I'm not going to see him anymore!" Maybe ever, if something went wrong. But she couldn't even bare to think about that right now. She hated that he would be here without her. Even if, logically, the danger would be no different if she had impressed too, still somehow everything felt safer if they could do it together. He was the nice one of the two of them, she was the rough kid with the bad upbringing. She was supposed to be there to look out for him.

The fact that his well-being was so utterly out of her control filled her with a whole new set of feelings that she couldn't quite describe. It felt like she was suddenly confronted with her own inadequacy as a person, exposed to how silly and conceited she had been all along. When the only danger in their lives was angry canines and the meaner kids from the Hold, it was easy to feel like she was strong and brave. Now Vitre would have to face things that a silly little Hold girl like her could barely comprehend. Who was really the tougher of the two?

"How does everything change in a day?" she asked quietly. In a minute for that matter. "I guess I'm glad. For him, things changed for the better, but.." She laughed, wiping her eye with the back of her sleeve. She was supposed to be done with that. "So dumb.." she muttered, laughing at herself. "He's the one who's going to be away from his family, so.. What am I even doing, right?"  

[Masterharper]

DruidTigeress

H'sad listened to the young girl quietly. Once Dristan had impressed, the rest of the Hatching had been a bit of a blurr. He had tried to find excitement and joy, but his focus had been shot; all he could do was think about what this suddenly meant for their future. He did sort of recall another boy coming down from the Sands... but that was near the end, and at that point all H'sad had wanted to do was get out of there so he could recompose himself.

"No, I don't think you're jealous like that," he assured the girl. Not everybody wanted a dragon, after all, and while there were some folks who might be green with envy, he certainly didn't think Nebbi one of them. She seemed too upset about her friend than his dragon. H'sad said nothing for a moment, allowing the girl to speak freely, to get her emotions off her chest. The poor thing seemed shocked and stressed about everything; losing ones best friend had to be hard. Shards, he was sure that Dristan had felt this way when he'd Impressed Cinonth turns ago. Though Dristan had been a Candidate, he had taken it hard when H'sad had impressed, and worse when he'd aged out.

At least now he had a green all his own.

"Change happens fast these days," he murmured. He reached in the front of his jacket, and pulled out the small unused blue silken handkerchief. Some tailor had said it was fashionable to have the thing stick out of his breast pocket; something about a splash of color, or some nonsense. He'd never used it, but the tearful girl might find it useful now. "It's okay to cry though. Okay to be upset, to admit those feelings. You came here expecting one thing, and now you'll be leaving alone. Worse, you won't know what your friend is up to, or how he's doing, or how this changes your friendship." It had to be doubly hard given that the poor boy was from a Hold. The change was going to be felt even stronger than if they were both weyrbred, and could still see one another between lessons and duties.

"Will you be able to write? Do either of you have a firelizard or know someone who does?" Given the boy would now be at a weyr, finding someone to bring messages to or from various Holds would be easy. Perhaps not quite as easy for her. "But just because he's here now doesn't mean your friendship changes any. He's got one Turn to go, and then he'll be able to visit you anytime he's able." He knew that must sound like ages from now -- and he was not going to tell the girl how fatal weyrling training could be. Or Threadfall, for that matter.

"Just goes to show how much you care. But you don't have to dismiss your feelings or feel bad about . . .well, feeling bad. Everything changed for you and you weren't ready for it. Vitre's probably not ready for it either. But this doesn't mean an end to your friendship. You can get it all out now, and then have a few smiles for him when you see him at the Hatching Feast. You are going to that, right?" She wouldn't want to hide forever, especially if this was the last chance she'd see her friend in some time.  

[DruidTigeress]

Masterharper

"Thanks." Nebbi muttered taking the handkerchief, though for now she just stared at it. He was right about one thing, the world was changing faster than ever now. A turn and a half ago the biggest thing they had to worry about was a bad rainfall ruining their crops. Then thread came back and changed everything. Now Vitre would be out there fighting it. It almost seemed unfair. Why did they have to grow up with this, when so many generations got to live free of deadly rain?

'How it changes your friendship' is what really had her worried though. Time changed things, and if you weren't together, you inevitably drifted apart. A larger and larger percentage of their stories would belong to someone else. And more and more of their inside jokes would be ones that the other didn't get. People moved on. Not everyone stayed close to their childhood friends, and least of all dragon riders.

"I don't have a firelizard. I might be able to borrow one, but it's not the same." she sighed. Who was going to feed the rumor mill for her? Who would come to bother her after classes? Who would be there to get her out of scrapes when things went too far, or at least stand by her through the fallout? She knew the rider was just trying to be helpful though. Still, it was hard to think about things a turn from now. If so many things could change in just a day, how much would change in a turn? "Will he even want to though?" she asked quietly. The look she gave him wasn't asking for reassurance as much as acknowledgement. He had to know what she meant. How many dragonriders stayed friends with the people from their Hold? How many spent every rest day going to hang out with some girl they used to know?

She looked back at the handkerchief in her lap, though she still hadn't used it. Somehow, being told that she could was enough to make her not want to. She took a breath, closing her eyes and letting the last of her tears dry on her lashes. "No.. I'm alright." she told him decisively, standing up. She could continue to mope, make people worry about her, make Vitre feel bad, and get the attention she wanted by forcing people to comfort her. But that wasn't her. More than anything, she wanted to still be cool in his eyes, even if she wasn't sure how. But if Vitre was going to a brave strong dragonrider, she would just have to be twice as brave and twice as strong.

"I hope you can work things out with your boyfriend." she said, holding the unused handkerchief back out to the rider. She doubted he would want advice from a fourteen turn old girl, but he'd been so nice, she felt she ought to try and return the favor. "I'm sure he still loves you, even if he has a dragon now. And like you said, it's just a turn right?" After that, at least they would still be in the same place.

She scrubbed her hands across her face briefly. "Okay, how gross is my face still?" she asked him, wondering if it had been long enough for the red blotchiness to have faded. With any luck, she could still catch most of the feast.  

[Masterharper]

DruidTigeress

Sounds like this is a wrap!

H'sad knew it wasn't easy. Sudden changes were difficult, and he knew that there was a chance that the girl and her new weyrling friend might well drift apart. Weyrling training wasn't easy, and Vitre was going to wind up focusing much of his time on his dragon. It was easy to become besotted, or so wrapped up in the bond, especially at the beginning, that others might feel neglected or secondary.

It was what worried him most about Dristan.

H'sad remembered how caught up in Cinonth he'd gotten; their relationship had suffered some, even when he was able to see him most days. But perhaps the young Vitre would be able to overcome such a thing. Perhaps he would be the exception. "It won't be easy, no, and you'll have to fight for it, as much as you'll have to be understanding. But I do know riders who are still friends with those they left behind. Just because he Impressed doesn't mean he's going to forget where he came from."

Friendship was a two-way street, after all. Nebbi wold need to accept the changes, just like he would. When the girl stood up, and offered his handkerchief back, he took it with a smile. "We'll be all right, Dr'stan and I. We've been through worse, and Impression isn't even something I should be sulking about. It's something to be celebrated." And here he was avoiding his lover like some sort of jerk.

No, it would be time to go back and meet his little green. Surely, surely this didn't really change anything between them. Surely, their relationship would be just fine.

When the girl asked about her face, he couldn't help but chuckle. "You look fine. The blotchiness is fading, and by the time you get back to the feast, you should be just fine." He gave the girl a good-natured salute in farewell. "Good luck to you, and your friend. Hopefully you'll get to better enjoy the rest of your night."  

[DruidTigeress]

Masterharper

Good with me ^_^

Nebbi dropped her hands from her cheeks with a silly grin. Well, that was good to know at least. Time to go find her friend! She was excited more than nervous now. She wanted to see him. They could figure out the rest of it later, they always managed it in the end. Once they put their heads together, they'd figure something out!

She gave a decisive nod and returned his salute with tongue-and-check stiffness before breaking into a laugh. "Don't stay away too long, lover boy." she called back down the hall, waving behind her. "I bet your boyfriend misses you."