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 Posted: Sun May 14, 2017 7:45 am
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Cass had set up a specific set of rules for their friendship. Ultimately, they boiled down to: Yes we can ********, but it doesn't mean anything. We aren't a couple. She'd even tried 'dates' with other people and yet...
Here she was. Day three of crab dinner (and still just as good as the first time, mmmm~) on Marcus's couch, her plate set on his coffee table as she leaned into his side. She'd brought over some movie she'd grabbed from a $5 bin at the store and it had looked half interesting and he'd popped it in. Nothing unusual.
He was settled in next to her and Cass looked at him, sighing and leaning into his side. She just fit into that space so nicely and sometimes he'd snake his arm around her and she'd just...enjoy the moment. Her head nested against his shoulder and she sighed contently.
Dinner, a movie, cuddles...
"God, I love you," she thought aloud, the statement mostly muttered and apparently...she didn't realize she'd said it out loud.
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2017 8:02 pm
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Marcus was falling for her. He knew her feelings on the matter, they'd discussed it. This not-relationship they had. Sex was great, (actually, it was fantastic and he never thought he'd find someone willing to do it with him as often as they did). She was fun, (making him laugh, pulling him out of his shell, not minding when he felt things were a bit much). She entertained his eccentricities, (listening, actually listening even if marginally to him ramble and prattle about this or that).
He tried, he really tried to not fall in love with her, but, he was not so successful at that. Without realizing it, he had, and when he realized it, it had been too late. But she didn't deserve to be sent because of his feelings. To have to leave because he'd miscalculated.
So he kept it bottled up. He'd had loves before, had breakups before. He knew this would end one day. It was just a preemptive measure he told himself. Still-
He didn't want it to end.
Tugging he a bit closer as the movie played, belly full of delicious crab, he was content to enjoy the time he'd have with her. When she spoke, he didn't hover over her words until after he'd replied.
"I love you too."
Suddenly, he felt his blood run cold.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Sun May 14, 2017 8:44 pm
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I love you too
Her posture stiffened as the words came out of his mouth, pausing and looking up at him with a half-fearful expression. "Did I say that out loud?" she asked. He'd said 'too'. That meant he was agreeing with something and the warm, totally sexually-platonic snuggles suddenly had her posturing like a limp fish.
She clasped a hand over her mouth and immediately pulled away from him, face red and now suddenly refusing to make eye contact. No no nononononononono. No. This had not been the arrangement she'd agreed with him on, and she couldn't blame it on him thinking with his d**k. Because she was thinking with something very different she'd tried to rip out the feeling from her chest because relationships were just....
they were something that got tested. Every time fight-or-flight kicked her into flight to another town or city or wherever, the need to leave outweighed the feeling....and now her heart was a web, a trap laid like a spider out to catch Marcus - sweet, honest, heart-on-his-sleeve Marcus - in it. Another victim in her path.
"I gotta go." she was almost immediately up, grabbing for her jacket.
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2017 12:12 am
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That tiny little ripple of her body tensing told Marcus all he needed to know.
She'd heard him. And she was not pleased with that information no matter how sincere or true.
Her question made him face her, his own face neutral but his eyes filled with unwavering concern. He should lie, maybe then he could say it was him talking to himself, about something. He was having a conversation with some.. magic thing. Yeah, that would be it. But Marcus looked at her face, that fearing expression and swallowed. He couldn't lie to her. She deserved better than that.
"You did."
Then- she moved. Rather they moved. Because when he felt her pull away he followed, movie forgotten, his heart thundering in his ears. He meant it, but he didn't. He knew they'd break up eventually but that was okay, that was fine, he wanted to just enjoy this, to be happy while they could be together. He'd be okay with that.
Right?
"Cass no-" He jumped over the back of the couch, trying to cut her off.
"Please, we can- we can work this out please don't-" He was trying to find the words.
"I didn't mean to say it." Yet it was the truth, and he knew he couldn't deny it. He loved her.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2017 6:23 am
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He was pursuing her. It made her heart pound with that fluttering feeling she'd been trying to murder, but it also scared her. Not because she was afraid of him - lord, he was too gentle for her to actually think he'd ever hurt her (unless she asked for it). Her panic was trying to run wild, but he stood there - between her and the door she was trying to flee out of. Could she actually bring herself to fight past him to flee into the night?
Then what?
"Marcus, don't-" she recoiled back away towards the other end of the couch, what was it she didn't want him to do? This was her fault, why was he acting like he'd hurt her?
"Why would you want to-" to what? Work things out? What was there to work out?
I didn't mean to say it.
She stood there at the other end of the couch, heart crumpling into her chest. He was looking at her in that way she realized he didn't know he did. She hadn't been stupid. 'Friends' and 'Benefits'. Right. Yet every time they were together how easily did his heart fall into her mouth, then into her own. Cassandra wasn't stupid.
"But you meant every word." she finally said, quietly, "and so did I...." she pressed both hands against the arm of the couch and leaned her weight into them with a sigh. "And here I am, punishing you for my ********. <******** class="quote">istoleyurvamps
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Posted: Mon May 15, 2017 9:44 pm
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She said don't but he wanted, had to, ignore her wishes. Just this once. Not for long but, at least long enough to try and reason with her. To try and get her to stay.
"Sweetheart-" He cringed at the endearment, knowing it would just cement how much he'd cared. How hard he'd fallen for her. "Cass. I- I know you didn't want this. Didn't want me like that and it, it's okay. It's okay Cass, we talked about this and I knew you'd leave. You'd have to one day."
He didn't want her to, he wanted her to stay. To stay and curl back up with him, watch the movie and just... be happy. With him.
"It's my fault, I know. I kept pushing you and kept thinking that you'd not want to stay and I was, am okay with that." He wasn't, and his voice and face betrayed the truth.
"Please, just stay for a bit longer. Talk with me. We don't-" We didn't have to end what we had "-we don't have to make any decisions right now."
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2017 5:07 pm
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He wanted to say that she was being selfish and stupid and that there was no reason to leave. But the fact was, he didn't know why she had told him one day she would. He'd never asked, he'd never pried. Maybe, in hindsight, he should have.
Maybe he should have done what she wanted, disconnected but if he had? He didn't think he'd have been happy. He didn't think she would have been happy either. At least, he thought she'd been happy with him.
"Sorry." He apologized, what for, he couldn't say. When she sat back down he remained standing, between her and the door. His heart was still thundering and he feared, feared, she's still run.
"That's a lot of compliments." He said, unsure how to respond. Marcus felt so many things, and none of them were working together,.
"You can't break me though. I may be... eccentric, but I don't think I'm someone who would break over-" His words died in his throat. He had broken when he'd lost someone before, it was that trauma that had changed him. She was right. She could break him.
"Why do you have to leave?" He got close, whispering, reaching to touch her, to just feel her warmth as if it would vanish.
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iStoleYurVamps
iStoleYurVamps
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2017 6:35 pm
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"It's a lot of truth," she whispered, trying to not sink farther into the couch than she already had. She was practically melding with it. She continued to run her fingers through her hair repeatedly, almost a nervous habit now.
"I'd do worse than break you...I'm not a fool, Marcus." It felt pretentious to use the word 'fool' in that context. But it was the only word for it. She was definitely stupid and she could be an idiot, but she wasn't a fool.
As he reached out for her, she reached her hands back for him, as if she needed aomething, even representational, to hold on to.
"I made a mistake, Marcus. I made it and now I can't find peace no matter where I live...it always finds me and then I have to leave."
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Posted: Fri May 19, 2017 2:42 pm
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She gripped his hand tightly, almost desperately, but didn't lean in as he sat down. Looking up, Cassandra stared at his face, the way he looked at her and her heart curled into itself, but comfortable and terrified in her chest. The little gestures, they were so sweet.
He really had expressive eyes. Had she ever told him that or had she considered that something that would just be so....intimate she'd kept it to herself?
"I'm still paying for it. I'm here because I'm paying for it. I exist to pay for this mistake," but if she really told herself what she thought about it, the truth was that there had been no mistakes: only consequences she hadn't been ready for. It had been the right thing to do.
If you didn't leave, what would happen?
Cass frowned. She'd never really held onto that thought long. Twelve half answers and no answers at all battled it out in her mind as to what would happen if she stayed. She took a deep breath and shook her head. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "I'm afraid to find out."
What was it she had told Gloom about the type of person she'd wanted to be? Be afraid, then do it anyways. She didn't see herself having the fortitude for it.
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