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Kaguya Hisake - Red Blood - Crit please! [ACCEPTED]

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Tasinei

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:16 am
Name: Kaguya Hisake

Blood colour: Red

Gender: Androgynous

Symbol: Cherry blossom

Profile: Kaguya was attacked as a wiggler in the breeding caverns on her way to her crane mother. She was a very weak redblood, it is a miracle that she even made it out of them alive. She was attacked by a beast; it swiped at her and caught her mouth, ripping it open in the process. When Obaa found her, she had to stitch her up immediately and watch over her day and night so she wouldn’t die. Kaguya made it through that but she still has the scars even to this day.

Since the attack, Kaguya is highly aware of her place in the world as a red blood, she knows its low but she is all for doing her best at what she does. She does treat highbloods with a lot of respect and tends to generally give them a little more than lowbloods. She feels she needs to appease them since they are more than likely to kill her on a whim. Generally that’s why she’s nice to people even if she’s afraid of them. She hopes that she’ll pass incognito and won’t offend anyone. She's not as afraid of redbloods as she is of purebloods since she herself is a redblood, but there is still some mistrust there.

Since Obaa is known for her dancing, she passed this on to Kaguya as if she were her actual chick. The troll picked it up quickly as it was her only hobby for the longest time. Obaa regularly watches over to make sure she is doing well. Kaguya has since expanded her dance to something that is more troll friendly, she doesn’t only do the crane courtship dance anymore. Though it will always be her go to dance that she is most comfortable in. Kaguya enjoys the dancing because she feels it brings her close to Obaa. In fact, she often tries to teach her crane mom some new moves.

When Kaguya was younger and she was sick, her mother taught her how to fold paper into little cranes. It’s not exactly a hobby since dancing takes up most of her time but when she has some spare time, Kaguya will go back to old habits and fold some cranes. She’s never learned any other shapes since she folds cranes because of her mother and she likes it that way.

Since dancing is all she knows at the time, Kaguya wants to keep that up as she grows older. She hopes to be an entertainer of some kind at some point. She doesn’t quite know if she’ll get there, but she believes she’s trying her best. She has thought about perhaps picking up a more practical sort of hobby that might help her finding a job in the future, but hasn’t given it much thought since she feels safer in what she knows. Obaa is the driving force behind Kaguya's future career. In fact so much so, crane mom always tries to sign her up for dance competitions and hopes that one day Kaguya will have the initiative to do it own.

A typical day for Kaguya will probably wake up and taking care of the household chores. Then it will be dance lessons until noon where she will have lunch. She will have a few more hours of dancing before she spends the rest of the day with Obaa generally around the house or out if they need anything in particular. Obaa does want her to socialize a little more, so she tries to take her out to do some outdoors activities some day.

As for Obaa being a red crowned crane, I was indeed fully aware that she was going to be all white. I couldn't just pick any crane willy nilly for the profile though, I picked this one as it's known specifically for its intricate courtship dance. The crane also represents longevity and I feel like Obaa’s existence is to ensure Kaguya lives as long as possible.

Strengths:
Benevolent: Kaguya is charitable and generous with those in need. She is considerate of everyone and their feelings without exception. She is self-sacrificing if she needs to be without blinking twice. Even if it doesn't always work out, she only tries to do good and nice things for other people. Kaguya does not hold grudges. Even if you've hurt her multiple times, she will always give you a second chance. She doesn't like to keep count of such things and prefers staying kind and spreading that kindness around to as many people as she can in the hopes that other trolls will take pity on her.

Modest: Kaguya as a troll is very modest, she does not need excess amounts of jewelry or fancy things when some can barely keep the clothing on their backs. If given a compliment, she'll probably just laugh it off and fire another compliment right back at you. Kaguya doesn't let compliments get to her head, and on that note, she hardly lets anything get to her. Overconfidence can lead to misfortune, she knows this much.

Hardworking: Kaguya is constantly working, either mentally or physically. She sticks her hands or mind into the problem at full capacity, giving every situation or whatever she’s doing her 110% always. She cannot abide by laziness or self-pity since she was attacked. Kaguya works hard to build something for herself and to keep it with her always, in this case it’s to keep her beloved home alive.
Flaws:
Wary: Kaguya is, understandably, skittish about other trolls. She may seem open, but she is uneasy around other trolls and paranoid of their intentions. This abates somewhat over time if she knows them well. She is least comfortable in crowds, preferring there to be space between herself and other people. However, not wanting to be alone, she doesn’t shy away from actually meeting people. So, when meeting new trolls, Kaguya will often consult her mother (or particularly long-standing and trusted friends) about how far she can trust them – her mother typically erring on the side of caution and hiding her with her wings. Even with trusted friends, however, that trust is not complete – she is always concerned that it could all turn sour at any moment.

Possessive: It's pretty easy for Kaguya to get attached to physical belongings as well as people, and she doesn't like letting go of them. She hangs on to items past the point where they aren't actually useful or valuable simply because she associates them with fond memories or people she holds dear. If you even think of trying to borrow something from her you can forget it. You should also not let her borrow anything from you as she will immediately adopt it as her own and won’t let go. She attaches herself very quickly to people once she gets past her trust issues and they show her kindness and won't know or understand when they need their space because she's choking them. She is extremely possessive of people and things which she deems ‘hers’ and it doesn’t take much to receive such a label. People who reject her once she starts getting clingy will be left alone for a few days, but generally she’s back once she believes things have settled down.

Humble: Kaguya is skilled in dancing, but you will never hear her take any kind of praise for it or for anything she's done for that matter. Being humble is good, but Kaguya just takes it too far. She'll never take any duly earned credit for her contributions or achievements and will often downplay her successes entirely. You will never hear her brag about things she's done or speak about anything amazing she has completed. If she is given a compliment or praise she'll deny the whole thing and avoid the subject. Such things make her feel uncomfortable and she tries her best to avoid any situation revolving around the above.

Weapon: Bladed japanese war fan

Appearance: Based off of this OC. So maybe a neat little bun and a children's yukata to start her off. If okay, id't like her to have mouth scars to resemble where the OC has the threads.

Home: Chittentown - Kaguya’s home is essential one large square with the entrance area, kitchen, bathroom, toilet, and the large closet as extensions sticking out of her home as well. The frame of the home is all lacquered wood intergrated in the stone and has a post and lintel design to it. The exterior walls are all made from that same lacquered wood and some translucent paper. Around the exterior of the home home is a type of wrap-around veranda to protect the delicate inner walls, storm shutters can be attached to create a narrow passage way when needed. The home also sports a curved roof protruding from the rock.

Inside the home, the rooms are separated by decorated sliding panels that act as doors and walls and can be maneuvered however wanted. Above some of the sliding doors will be ornate wooden carvings to allow light into the room. On all four corners of the home, there is a slightly elevated area against the wall where Kaguya usually stores art or flowers. The entrance of the home is on a slightly lower floor level where she asks trolls to remove their shoes or wipe their feet. All the floors are tatami in the home and Kaguya does not want to ruin them.

Lusus: A huge red-crowned crane named Obaa.
Obaa is a rather peculiar mother. She may come off as a cold and standoffish because there seems to be no love between the two. When out in public they almost seem to ignore each other. The crane is always on the lookout for danger. However, Obaa’s love is private; she does not like to show it to the world. It is also a physical love, having Kaguya by her side, following her around the home, watching over her is typical behavior for the crane mother. Kaguya knows that when they are out in public, Obaa goes into guard mode and she understands that this does not mean her mother does not love her.

Obaa actually has attachment issues ever since she found the poor beat up wiggler. When Kaguya was younger she carried her on a sling everywhere, now she lets her child ride on her back. Obaa also insists that Kaguya sleeps right under her like a baby chick (in an egg-shaped recouparoon!). Obaa believes that her existance is to ensure Kaguya lives a long and peaceful life. Obaa would love for Kaguya to find a Matesprit one day. Though Kaguya doesn't really think about such things.

She is a strict mom though; making sure Kaguya always behaves properly. Obaa expects her to be kind and polite, not to cause any disruptions are anger any other trolls. She wants to see her child live a long and happy life and believes this is how Kaguya will be able to survive as a redblood. Kaguya takes her mother’s advice very seriously; you won’t see her misbehaving or ever talking back to her mother. Mother does know best after all.

Power: N/A
 
PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2017 8:21 pm
Kaguya's profile section is kind of sparse. I recommend checking out the completed quest subforum to see what the average character app looks like. Here is also a thread detailing what we look for when we critique character applications. I want to point out #7 on the list regarding characters based off of real-world ethnicities. Please take care that Kaguya's theme is researched appropriately so that she reads as a unique individual and not a collection of "things that are Japanese."

You mention several times that Kaguya has been attacked at some point--what happened there? What does the average night look like for Kaguya? How did she come across her hobbies? Why does she enjoy them? Why does she try so hard to be nice to people? Does she treat highbloods differently from lowbloods? What does she want to be when she grows up?

What does it mean to Kaguya to be benevolent? Does she simply do whatever favors are asked of her, or is she more proactive about getting involved? It sounds like she tries to mother other trolls. Is this true? How does she decide when to get involved with people? Does her reservedness interfere with her ability to help out?

Kaguya's "wary" flaw and "reserved" flaws have a lot of overlap in that they both cover Kaguya's discomfort with socializing. How does Kaguya deal with her paranoia? How does Kaguya interact with strangers versus people she knows?

In what ways does Kaguya's stubbornness manifest itself negatively in her life? Right now it reads more like a strength in that Kaguya has a lot of common sense and moral integrity. If you want to keep it as a flaw, I suggest explaining how Kaguya's stubbornness would get her into trouble or negatively impact her on a regular basis. I'd also like to know more about how Kaguya's reservedness can be an obstacle for her.

I know that red-crowned crane is the actual name of the species, but just to clarify, Kaguya's lusus will be entirely white in appearance.

I'd also like more information on Kaguya's relationship with her lusus. Why is Obaa standoffish? What are her attachment issues? Where did those come from? How does her cool personality affect her relationship with Kaguya? What does it mean by Obaa's definition for Kaguya to behave properly? How has Obaa's upbringing affected Kaguya? Trolls can't typically understand lusii that aren't theirs, so whether or not Obaa "speaks" about Kaguya will probably be a non-issue.  

seekingCylem
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2017 7:46 am
Hi, seekingCylem!

Yup the profile section I know to be short as Drac has mentioned it to me but I was struggling with that section particularly since I’ve never had to fill one out before. I’ve added to it with the answers to some of the questions you’ve asked me though, so hopefully it looks a little more filled out!

I was wary of adding Japanese words to some of the text because some people might not understand what I'm talking about. I'd be more than happy to include them if necessary. I’ve been studying Japanese for a year now (plus a 3 week trip to Japan to see some of my student exchange friends) so I think I’ve got a good handle on things and references if need be. Though the reference picture for the OC may be off, I did try to provide as many reference pictures to the artist but some things could have gone awry a few years back.

I've addressed her benevolent trait. Added to it to make it more to the point and removed some parts as well.

I've rewritten out both her wary and reserved traits in the hopes to cull any overlap between them. Also hopefully answered your questions.

I've completly removed her stubborn trait since I couldn't quite get it to say what I wanted and replaced it with humble instead,

As for Obaa being a red crowned crane, I was indeed fully aware that she was going to be all white. I couldn't just pick any crane willy nilly for the profile though, I picked this one as it's known specifically for its intricate courtship dance. The crane also represents longevity and I feel like Obaa’s existence is to ensure Kaguya lives as long as possible.

I've added and expanded on things relating to Obaa.

Thanks for the crit!

seekingCylem
 
PostPosted: Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:05 pm
With regards to properly researching a character, I'm not referring to the use of correct terminology. I'm referring to the use of a real-world culture as a generalized theme. It's in a similar vein of using an ethnicity as a Halloween costume. There has to be a character-specific reason for Kaguya to do the things she does beyond "she's Japanese so she does Japanese things." Kaguya taking up dance because her lusus is a crane and it's an activity they can share is a good example of adding multiple layers to the character so she doesn't become a parody. Great work there.

Overall Kaguya is looking considerably more well-rounded. I only have a couple points to bring up.

Kaguya's "Wary" and "Reserved" flaws are still reading too similarly. Both talk about how Kaguya has difficulty opening herself up to other people, even those she cares about. In this particular instance I'm not sure how you could further separate them, so you'd probably be better off combining the two, and picking a different third flaw. Personally I'd suggest the fact that she'd willingly run herself ragged for the benefit of others who may or may not appreciate her efforts.

How does Kaguya's desire to be an entertainer interact with her fears of socializing and inability to take credit for her skills? Does she take an active role in trying to overcome her shyness, or is it mostly Obaa's doing?  

seekingCylem
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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:01 am
seekingCylem


Wow I did not see this ._. Sorry about that!

I didn't meld the two traits, just kept one and decided to added a third one. I did write one up for your suggestion but then decided to go with possessive. We'll see how that one fairs xD

Added a bit about her career, definitely Obaa who is the driving force behind that but Obaa hopes that one day Kaguya will do it on her own.
 
PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 8:04 pm
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seekingCylem
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