Zac stood before the bathroom mirror, leaning close enough to it that his breath fogged the silvered surface, forcing him to lean back again and twist trying to examine the new mark along his collarbone.

we will give you a gift, but it is a reminder to not follow this path again

He could still remember the words, they were almost as terrifying as knowing what he had nearly become. He wasn’t sure that he could say that he had found ‘himself’, in truth. But he was at least sure he hadn’t lost himself either.

The mark hadn’t really appeared for a few days, it had needed to heal, red and irritated and aching until the stars had started to appear from the ‘injury’. It was a tattoo, eight bright stars, surprisingly clear white against his darker skin with implication of a galaxy behind them making it all the brighter.

He shook his head and ran a finger over them again, they still ached some, itched actually the way he’d read ‘real’ tattoos did. He picked up some of the lotion he’d bought to try and make the sting go away. It was marginally helpful at best.

Not, honestly, how he pictured getting a tattoo.

He settled back on his feet, taking the pressure off the balls of them.

Reaching back he pulled the tie from his hair, it was getting longer, which gave him a moments pleased distraction before he picked up his shirt and heading back to his room, Mogget tagging at his heels almost close enough to be a tripping hazard, though he and the small feline had a long history of walking dangerously close to one and other. Paws and shoes moving so close to each other that if you looked too close your breath might catch in anticipation of an awful feline scream, though it didn’t come.

“I got pretty close to some real trouble there, didn’t I Mog?” Zac said tipping his head as he glanced to the cat. “Almost became a faceless, thing, just another mind in a greater whole… I almost made you find a new human.” He stooped and swept his hand over the thin back, the base of the cat’s tail pressing against his hand as he reached it, tip curling with surprising tightness.


“Prrrrp!” Admonished Mogget, little feet pressing down on the toes of Zac’s shoes.

“Yeah…” Zac agreed and rubbed behind the little cat’s ears.

“That would have been super selfish, I mean, it’s pretty hard for you to get out on your own. “

“Mrrrwah!” The cat replied, bumping his head against leg.

“Well, I think there are a lot of people who would give you shelter though, so don’t close any doors alright?” He said softly. The cat glanced up at him, gold and silver eyes looking right into his own and let out a small ‘hufff’ sound, that could easily have been taken as disapproval.

“Yeah, yeah, at least with you I know I won’t turn into a faceless sometimes mannequin with constant chatter in my head.”

It was odd, as grateful as he was for the quiet, it was lonely too. He had been ‘part’ of them for such a short time, it was troubling, and he didn’t know what to do about it, wasn’t that feeling of being lost what got him stuck in the situation in the first place?

He settled onto the floor, leg’s crisscrossed before him and leaned over his knees with a small sigh as he continued to pet Mogget, who took the chance to climb into the new lap room that had just been provided and curl into a white contented ball.


“I wish, I wish that I could just –talk- to Jer.” He sighed. “I hate that he can’t… see me, can’t feel me. With everything else that is going on it’s just… I guess I want it more because I can’t have it. Maybe that’s part of why I felt so…” he waved his hand and glanced towards the ceiling, though his eyes weren’t focused there. They were focused on nothing really; just some abstract thought that slithered through his mind.

“Mrrrrp” Mogget said, pressing small paws into leg, digging sharp claws into leg, the rumble of his purr soothing, and more so when combined with the slow blink of trust he gave.

“Yeah, I know, I could text him.” He sighed. “It’s just not the same though you know? I can touch him and he doesn’t respond at all, If I stand in front of him I just…” he let out an exasperated sigh.

“It’s not his fault though. I know it’s me.” He shook his head, but like I told them, if I do anything I’m doing it as me. My bad choices, my regrets, I fell into the trap I keep worrying that other people are going to take, that’s what’s got me so upset about this.” He sighed and tickled at the white fur, the hint of pink belly exposed through the pale fur.


“I took what amounted to an easy way out, and I knew better.” He rubbed his eyes. “I mean, I can’t say I won’t ever do it again but, just because something magical offers you what seems like a good fix… right?”

He angled back, letting his shoulders bump against the wall as Mogget stretched, limbs sprawling out over his legs, looking absurd and at the same time exceptionally comfortable.

He let out a heavy sigh.

“… I know, I know I might end up, attracting them again, I know that. But, I’ll try.” He told the air, told the cat… told the people whom he cared about who weren’t there right now but deserved to know that, even though he might never tell them in that way.

“… I can at least say I fixed it, for now though. I can tell them that.”

It was something, wasn’t it? He’d gotten this far, and he was stil going. It might not be the most spectacular of accomplishments, but he had managed.

Sometimes that was all you could ask for.