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Kell Braumeister// Woodsy Artist// APPROVED

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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Wed Oct 26, 2016 6:23 pm
Kell Braumeister

Woodsy Artist

Kell is almost always found in the woods with her sketchbook. She relates more to animals than humans. Her high intelligence could take her far, but she would rather stay home and make art.

Wikipedia is not a source


Kell looks down on anyone she thinks has a lower intelligence than her, which means she pretty much looks down on everyone. Very confident and stubborn, she will argue a point until either the other person gives up, or she is proven wrong with multiple sources. Being right is more important than being nice, but leads to very few friendships.

Kell's birth family mocked her intelligence. She was not allowed to speak to people often, and her parents did not put her in school at age 5. Not introduced to school until 8, she was constantly made fun of for her twangy accent, her fits when she was frustrated or made to touch another student, and her know-it-all attitude. She grew very sensitive to anyone using the term stupid or dumb. Taken from school at 11, her adoptive parents facilitated this by sheltering her from social contact, and by constantly complimenting her on her intelligence.

She doesn't see herself in the wrong, which leaves her perplexed after each conflict. She really wants friends, she just hasn't quite found anyone who can be patient enough with her or willing to agree she is right all the time. Small talk with no real goal comes easily to her, but she hasn't mastered valuing other's opinions yet. She has overheard several of the college students in town. Their conversations pique her interest, but she has yet to get the courage to speak with them. Her socialization tends to go south quickly, so the people she wants to speak with most, she avoids so she won't ruin the chances. When spoken to by another, she seems to do well, so she now tries her best to let others steer the conversation.

After an altercation between her parents, and many arguments with her mom, Kell has enrolled in a few classes at the community college. She is resistant to the core, but it isn't worth bad blood in the family.

Strike a Pose


When sketching animals from afar, they always seem to stay still just long enough for her to finish.

More on Kell


Kell was raised by Gaus and Clara Braumeister. Standing about 5'8" and weighing 140 she is very thin. Her athleticism has given her a decent muscle tone. Her red hair is always cropped short and she prefers camo shorts and dark tee shirts. She was found wandering the woods at the age of 8 in St. Augustine by Gaus on a hunting trip. After a few days of questioning and medical treatment, it was determined she had not been maltreated, but no one could get her to tell them where she came from. All she would say was that she didn't like it there and would not go back. She was placed in foster care while they looked for her parents. No one ever came forward, but they used medical records to find her identification. There was a huge deal on the news in Florida when the birth parents claimed they didn't even know their child was missing. Both were convicted of negligence and abandonment, but the publicity made life very rough for Kell. She was put into school a grade behind to catch her up, but tests showed that she was more than capable of being in her age group. She hated being touched and refused to look the other kids in the eyes. She would be bored immediately after finishing her work, and would often get in trouble for taking the pass and wondering the halls. Kids made fun of her speech, her fits, and her smarts. Most of all they teased her for not being wanted by her parents. It took 2 years for her father to adopt her, and upon doing so, they moved to Ashdown to give her a fresh start.

They moved to a peaceful cabin on the bay, within trail distance of Rider-Waite State Park. They put her in school for another year, but she could not get along with the kids here either. Gaus removed her from public school when they told him she would have to be in an ESE class. In doing so, Kell did not have much interaction with others her age at all. Without the distraction of a class environment,Kell earned her GED at the age of 14. She is uncertain where her education will lead her. Trying to stay out of trouble for her parents' sake, she does not travel into town much. Clara often pushes her daughter to find a career she can show off her intelligence in, like the medical field she employs.In an attempt to get her to socialize, Clara often finds little classes or clubs at the community college to try and enroll her in. Kell herself has considered applying to the forestry service, but she does not have the requirements for internship nor work. She is much more comfortable in the woods with animals. For now she is content with selling her art on Etsy and in town when she can.  
PostPosted: Thu Oct 27, 2016 8:34 am
New people yay!

Ok let's get into it..

High Concept - This is the boiled down essence of Kell's personality. If 'Woodsy Artisan' completely defines her as a person, explore this aspect a bit more and how this is the core of her being. The family history and personal description should be moved to the 'Anything Else section'. Saying that 'family comes before life itself' and the insinuation of her intelligence in the profile make me think that 'woodsy artisan' may not actually be her defining traits.

Trouble - Being attracted to trouble is definitely a problem. Explore this more. She is very young to not be in school (as you mention she's been finished school since she was 14) and constantly be wandering in search of problems. We have active player characters in the school system (HS and college; students and teachers), police department and the parks service. People who look for trouble often find it and I highly doubt she's able to get away with sneaking and snooping all the time (especially with intelligent, competent qualified professionals everywhere). This part of her personality is also not presented as a 'problem'. Has she gotten in genuine trouble? How is her social life at her age while not attending school? The Trouble section should be an exploration of the problems of your characters life and personality as a segue into the social aspects of the game as well as plot fodder for our GMs to customize plots for you. You don't have to answer my questions exactly, but they are an idea of things you should ask yourself when thinking about her personality and life. What you have here is very bare bones so please expand on it!

Power- The intended effect of this power is very niche. I don't think your wording is explanatory enough. This power cannot be OP, a ravaging beast will not lay down and purr for a portrait when she enters the scene, nor will wild creatures be suddenly okay with her presence. That would encompass more than one ability. An animal laying in a visually appealing manner is just as likely to flee at being disrupted when she shows up. All this power dictates is that animals seem to lay around in a nice way if she's secretly watching to do art. If this is what you want, please add in the addendums I've noted here.

Usually I don't crit on character history but I have questions based on what you have here. You mention she was found wandering in the woods at age 7. This is very dramatic to be glossed over so I suggest expanding on it more or possibly expect the GMs to questions you on it. You also mention she finished school at age 14 but only insinuate her high intelligence in the profile. It seems like a pretty big deal to have a fully graduated kid at that age, and most would expect someone with such high intelligence to do more with it. This may be something you want to explore as well. I personally don't have extensive experience with home schooling but a wayward 14 year old may be questioned by people in the community, especially if she's out and constantly looking for trouble (especially because of the number of active, responsible, competent adult characters in jobs that would NOTICE). Despite our fantasy basis, and flexibility on a lot of things, we do like to have some level of realism so at the very least things like this need to be explained a bit more fully.

Overall I think the profile is kind of all over the place but you have the base for some good things that can be explored more fully - mention of family being the utmost importance, but no expansion on that. Hints at extreme intelligence but no exploration on that. Mention of seeking out trouble but a lack of consequences for such behavior. Take what you have here and focus on what you really want for her and what her true self really is. Right now you have a sketch of a character and not a full portrait.

kyllswitch
 

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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2016 12:03 pm
She prefers to use her hands than her brains. She also stays away from people her age because she cant relate to them. Hopefully i found some way to relate that properly  
PostPosted: Fri Oct 28, 2016 1:29 pm
Power revision looks good. I think this works.

High Concept - I am not seeing the 'Aloof' in your concept title. You also again mention how important her family is but that is not reflected anywhere in the high concept title at all. You should move this out of this section and explore it in a different part of the profile, or you should change your high concept title to reflect this sentiment.

Trouble - You seem to have just inserted a past experience in here instead of really exploring the trouble. I would remove the entire retelling of her 5th grade experience and summarize this to make room for real trouble exploration. Leading from your own sentence - 'Bored with classes she would use a hall pass and spy on teachers and other students.' you can summarize with something like, 'This behavior led to her expulsion from school and eventual homeschooling.' This shows us a problem and a consequence - but you still need to explore this more. We need to know more about Kell as a person.

You've made a character who essentially would have no reason to socialize with anyone in the game - so show us where she comes into the story! You present her more as a problem to others, but we want to know what her personal trouble is. What hangs her up? What gives her issues? Does her age war with her intelligence level? Does she have a difficult personality? Does she dismiss and waste her own intelligence because she'd prefer the arts? All I can really see is that she likes to snoop and make things... but that isn't the purpose of our profiles here - we want to bring the characters into the story on a more personal level and craft plots that play on your characters weaknesses... but I don't see them here.

Think about exploring aspirations and goals, associations with her family and others, barriers that stand in the way of getting what she wants, plans she has for the future or LACK of them and why things stop her.. Any variety of things can be a trouble for a character! Make sure you adjust your Trouble title accordingly once your revisions are made!

If you are having trouble feel free to ask for help in thread, ask any of our current players, or take a look at some of our approved profiles and journals (as well as some that have gone through extensive review so you can see the process at work!)

Quote me when you are ready for this to have another look!

kyllswitch
 

iloveyouDIE
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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2016 8:47 pm
Made several changes with AMI's help. I'm really looking forward to writing with you all.

iloveyouDIE
 
PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 6:44 am
kyllswitch


It's definitely shaping up better! Let's get to it-

High Concept - I'm not reading 'feral' or 'savant' here and honestly a feral child would probably need extensive therapy and would need to be further approved by a higher up GM as it would be very out of the ordinary. The use of the word savant also, by definition, implies either a cultivated learning in a particular subject (extensive schooling to make them an expert- which we know she has not had) or a natural expertise in something in particular that is other than standard natural intelligence (such as savant syndrome). Something like 'Nature Loving Genius'.. or even 'Natural Genius' would be better I think - showing us a preference for the outdoors and a natural gift of smarts. If you were aiming for true feral aspects or savant syndrome, you must explain this somewhere in more detail but please be careful and accurate in your explanations.

Please make sure you also update your thread title with a new high concept since it's been changed!

Trouble - I think this is a good start for a trouble but you need to dig a little deeper into how it's an actual problem for her. In some way she has to know this is an issue... or does she truly not (and that is the problem)? We are still being presented with a character who, for all appearances, isn't and doesn't want to socialize and thinks they are better than everyone else... so where is her personal conflict and path into the game? What drives her life and what does she actually struggle with day to day? In reality a genius teen who doesn't challenge their own intelligence is, as time goes on, not going to be the smartest in the room more and more as she gets older.. and this may be something she's dealing with now. What happens when someone IS more well read, more learned, and can back it up? You leave us with her parents enabling her behavior- but give some information on where she goes from there. I think another short paragraph tacked onto the end of what you already have, explaining her feelings and path into the future may wrap this up nicely.

We essentially look for certain notes to be hit in this section - What is their personal problem? How does this effect them and those around them? What is their path forward, or thoughts on that, when it comes to making changes (or not) in their life?

It's definitely coming along better so hit me up when you think you've got it revised adequately!  

iloveyouDIE
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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 9:42 am
iloveyouDIE



I hope this sounds better. Thank You  
PostPosted: Thu Nov 03, 2016 10:32 am
kyllswitch


It definitely sounds better!

High concept matches the description and I think is fine now biggrin

Trouble- Way better. My only criticism is that it reads like the only progress she's made is on account of her mother solely. Show us how she feels about her mother's pushing, or the fact she seems to not be able to make these strides herself and is relying on her parents. I understand that she is a minor and her parents a big part of her life, but it reads like they've done her wrong by withdrawing her socially, and as of right now she isn't capable of much without their direct intervention. Maybe she realizes this in some unspoken way? Show us how Kell is working on her developing social skills on her own!  

iloveyouDIE
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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2016 7:20 pm
iloveyouDIE


Took off a bit in trouble and added the end. Sorry it is so wordy. This is my first rodeo, and I'm trying to learn how to minimize word vomit.  
PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 1:10 pm
kyllswitch
sorry for the delay! meta started and i got caught up!


We are so close! I think the last paragraph can simply be summarized without the minutiae!
Kell has enrolled in community activities to appease her mother but still rages against socializing. Only upon hearing a fight between her parents did she decide that for the sake of her family she would tough it out, even against her own wishes.... ...or something along those lines.

Remember that it's about Kell and not her parents so the details of the altercation aren't really necessary.  

iloveyouDIE
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kyllswitch

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2016 9:58 pm
iloveyouDIE


no worries. I am enjoying reading the meta smile  
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:53 am
iloveyouDIE


I was hoping to join the meta.  

kyllswitch


iloveyouDIE
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 10:56 am
shibrogane

silverah


Calling in bosses for review  
PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2016 8:35 pm
=APPROVED=  

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