nikolai "blue" rainsworth
self-indulgent slacker
self-indulgent slacker
With all five feet of him, Blue pulls off an impressive figure when he's not sticking himself in cozy oversized sweaters and burying his nose in home-knit scarves. Born in Austria and raised in Virginia, Blue has been a figure skater since he learned that water was wet and the sky was blue. A regional and national competitor, Blue now lives in Ashdown on his parents wealth, scholarships and grants paying his way through a degree in kinesiology and sports management at raider-waite. A part of him wants to move to the international stage - and, well -
Maybe here, he'll find the courage to be ambitious. Or fall flat on his a** instead.
INACTION IS STILL ACTION
Blue could be talented, if he tried.
Unfortunately, Blue doesn't try. At relationships or classes or anything - not even the one thing he's been good at since he was put on the ice as a child to learn how to skate. On his surface, Blue is relatively charming and sociable, if not socially awkward when others actually want to get to know him. Blue flits from one thing to the next a lot like a hummingbird, never settling on one thing in particular. To most, this just manifests as Blue being fickle and insecure in tying himself down to any one thing. However, the case is at the core of Blue, straight through his heart, is a crippling sensation of fear.
Blue is afraid to try because he's such an anxiously ridden perfectionist that failure is not an option. Failure in any form is something that Blue cannot handle, and it manifests externally and to others as an inability to try at anything that seems remotely difficult. This means that Blue shies away from serious relationships, or actually giving 100% on papers, in classes, even in discussion, because he doesn't want to be the one in the wrong. His self-indulgence is a secondary manifestation of this, a material way of easing anxiety and stress when his coaches push him to try harder or his teachers say that if he put in more effort he could be great. Because the concept of success is a lure to him, but it is crippled by his fear of failure, leading to a fickle nature that keeps him from being able to settle and focus and try. Try to make friends, try to reach the international stage, try to get an A instead of an A-, try to tell someone that he likes them because god knows that there could be a rejection waiting there.
Blue is aware to some extent of his own anxiety and the reason why he slacks, but actually fringing on that subject, wanting to change it, sends him spiraling into self-induced panic attacks when he thinks too much on it. Having been raised in a public sphere, especially on the ice and from a young age, Blue has known the stress that comes from performing, from being second-best or last-place, from trying and failing and fearing doing it all over again. A part of Blue wants to overcome it, to let go of that fear, but to do so means facing the idea of failure in any capacity, whether with new friendships or grades or reaching for the international stage.
ICE WALTZ
Icy surfaces are never slippery to Blue when he walks on them. It's very frustrating to everyone else.
ANYTHING ELSE?
- 5'1, eighteen years old, gender-fluid and very tiny but will kick your a** in heels, old concept art! (curly hair bob like this a more accurate representation of haircut), no tattoos, pierced ears. closet looks a lot like this.
- born in austria, raised on the east coast of the usa by his doting parents, and makes annual trips out to vienna to visit relatives. has dual citizenship.
- blue is a nickname developed and used eventually to separate himself from his public figure on the ice. his family usually calls him "kolya" or "nika" if they're feeling mean.
- is always bundled up, claims to be cold all the time even though he's been raised in cold climates all his life! wears scarves and beanies and owns approximately 10,000 cardigans and sweaters. can usually be found in winter under a lumpy nest of blankets.
- doesn't like the heat though and will complain all the time if it gets upwards of 65 degrees on any given day.
- an avid ice-skater, competed throughout high school and continues to figure skate competitively even now while pursuing his degree at regionals and nationals. in fact, he is at raider-waite on a scholarship for his choice of sport.
- brought his two dogs with him to ashdown - a lumpy great pyrenees (victor) imported from his austrian grandparents as a gift and a canadian eskimo dog (trinket).
- allergic to shellfish and peanuts. has really junk reactions to them and has grown incredibly picky about his food because of this.
- loves waltzes and dancing around with others, and when he's studying, he'll often be in motion, either on the ice or just dancing around his own house as he reads.
- lives in his parents holiday home in ashdown, a small tudor revival house with an extensively tended front garden and backyard for the dogs. looking for roommates to help with utilities so he can stop relying on his parents income.
- super self-indulgent. if he's feeling down he indulges in food, or buys something new and shiny. and even when he's not, it's a danger to put him anywhere near a shopping mall. good for business, bad for your wallet.
