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Jo was positive the word '********' had never crossed her mind in her life, as many times as it had crossed in the past hour.

Her stomach was tight, heavy with lead and flighty at the same time, her palms sweaty and her breath short; if she didn't know better, she'd have said she was sick. In a way, she wasn't wrong. The very thought made her pause in her walk, hand over her mouth for a moment, world ******** green eyes, she drew in a shaky breath and continued on her slow, uncertain walk, hoping the fresh air would clear her head but there was a lot more in her head than it seemed Ashdown could erase. The fear was there, clawing at the back of her skull and racing up her spine -- and she was trying desperately to squash it, to push it aside, until she could figure out how to deal with it, how to compartmentalize it, to talk to --

Jo blinked slowly, standing on the street corner and staring dully at the firestation across the way. Pursing her lips, an immediate game plan came to mind, most of which relied on dragging a perfectly innocent man into the fray of her own personal war. Convinced that was the only logical thing to do, she padded across the street and practically made herself comfortable in the back of Rylan's truck, knowing he'd be out soon. He would just have an extra unit to take home with him.

Or two.

"There's my favorite guy!" Jo called when she caught sight of the two, hopping out of the back of the truck and kneeling to ruffle Fidget's fur. It was only half teasing, of course, as she stood and kissed Rylan's cheek. "Not yet, great things take time, I mean, look at you~" She smiled, and for one brief, beautiful moment, her mind was clear. Then he asked the most innocent question and it all went to hell again.

Her smile faltered. "No. Yes? But mostly no. Can I ride with you?" She knew it was abrupt and sudden, but she wasn't in the mood to give the poor man much of a decision, looking a little flushed. Climbing into Rylan's truck from the driver's side, she slid over to the passenger seat, looking at him almost sullenly -- almost apologetically. Probably a sure sign that something was up.

The seatbelt clicked into place (with a wry thought of who she was protecting), and that alone seemed to set her off again. Jo rubbed her hands over her jeans and practically curled up against the back of the chair, as if she was trying to climb over it and away. Green eyes flicked over to Rylan, then back out the window, drawing in short breaths between her lips.

How did she start this topic? How did she broach it? Her heart was beating so fast she nearly felt faint, and words were beginning to feel jumbled --

"I'm pregnant," she blurted suddenly, gripping her own knees in a white knuckled hold. "I'm pregnant and it's Cas's and I'm trying to not crawl out of my skin." Jo, while usually fair skinned, looked positively pale, especially with flushed cheeks.

"Tell me it's not the end of the world," she said numbly through tight lips. "Tell me my life isn't ending and Cas isn't going to flip out harder than I want to." She swallowed hard and glanced briefly to Rylan, wide-eyed and on the edge of a bad headspace.

Hearing Rylan suddenly in shock only frayed Jo's nerves, her body tensing, practically bending in half to bury her face into her hands against her knees. She began to shiver a little, and his question made her bolt upright, gasping softly. "I don't -- I don't know! I never planned on -- oh my <********> Rylan, what am I going to do? What am I supposed to do? Dios mio, ayudame!"

It said something that a woman of little faith was resorting to asking for help from something she didn't believe in. She dumbly took the water and tucked it between her knees, untouched, automatic. A shaky hand drew over her face, partially covering her mouth, a fine tremor going through her. "What's right? ********, Ry, I don't want him to -- to do something dumb like propose, because I'll kick him in his damn face, I just -- I don't -- I don't know. What to do. ********. God."

She gasped, and with it came a distant sort of whimpered sound. "I don't even know -- how. How? How."

"I don't know," she whispered softly, eyes washed out and distant. "Ry, I just...I literally found out a half hour ago and just...started walking to try and sort things out. Saw the station and..." Jo exhaled slowly, though it shook, especially when he was describing what she was about to endure. It was terrifying.

Her mouth felt dry. Taking a sip of the water then, she tried to blink away the fuzziness at the edges of her vision. "It's up to him, too. I never planned for kids, I -- I -- I don't want to be my mother." That probably didn't make a lot of sense to Rylan but she was a touch beyond sense.

Nine months of carrying someone else's child was terrifying, yes, but being tied to said person for the rest of her life was what was really ******** her up. Would Cas feel the same? "What -- what should I do? Ry, I -- I'll have to move. Start saving money." She sucked in a nervous breath and held it, trying to stave off the borderline hysteria that encroached on her. "Selling restored cars is good chunk from time to time, bakery pays the bills, but I can't fit under a car with a big -- "

Belly, she wanted to say, but it ended in a strangled sound. A child, in her womb. Jo was in no way equipped to handle this.

"Yes," she answered immediately, knowing that it was the one thing she had to do, if not the very first. "I don't know if he's...he's gonna take it well, but he has to know. And -- and I guess how he reacts is going to set me on the path I need to be on." The words came out slowly, worn, a little ragged around the edges.

It helped, though, Jo taking in gulps of air and water, alternating, but her voice wasn't cracking and she wasn't squirming in her seat. "I'm -- I'm sorry to dump this on you Ry, I -- I don't have anyone else I can tell. And you're brothers with Cas, it just..." She went quiet for a moment. "I was drowning and you're a fire fighter. It just made sense, somehow."

"No it's not," she countered with a weak smile. "You're here to rescue hapless old women and people who don't know how to put out a cigarette, not comfort someone who should be happier about the news they have."

Was that what was going on? Jo had no idea. Her head spun, and she nursed the water while she responded to Rylan's questions, eagerly following his lead so she could calm down before facing Cas. He was much like she was, and she wasn't entirely sure he was going to be happy about the news. She had to not hold it against him - or herself.

In the driveway, she stared at the house with eyes that were unseeing, listening to the rush of blood in her eras and the pound of her heart. "It's not just my life that can change with this." Jo tore her green eyes from the house and looked at the man, nodding slightly. "Not ready at all, but this is the time to do it. When everything is raw and new."

And minds could still be changed, and life wouldn't be harder than it had to be.

She offered him a small smile as he stroked her hair, bowing her head slightly and welcoming the comfort. Jo had no parents to turn to and her friend circle was very broad and encompassing but the type of friend she could talk to about this? Very small, and perhaps only truly included the best friend of the man that had caused her predicament.

Yes, she was blaming Cas while she could.

"I'll only be surprised if he's totally cool with it. And then I might kick him in the shins anyway." Jo sighed and let herself out of the truck as well, a little lethargic in her movements as if her limbs had suddenly gained weight. She gripped the near empty water bottle a little too tight, following Rylan's lead and reaching to pet Fidget as a last attempt of normal. The second she stepped through the door, the life she knew was truly over. For better or for worse had yet to be seen.