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 Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 5:10 am
Ashton Jack Carver
FALSE SYCOPHANT  Lying comes as naturally to Ashton as breathing. He's an unrepentant suckup because he wants things, wants them desperately, but...it's so much easier to get other people to do all the work instead. So he'll say yes, yes, and yes again, and be the precious little selfless ever-suffering one people feel sorry for -- because, after all, if he did things for you...well. Don't you owe him right back? Isn't that just polite? If you think it's not -- don't worry. Ashton will dig the knife right in.Ashton is incredibly bitter -- but he knows bitterness won't get him anywhere. So, instead of doing something like talking about his problems, Ashton takes the alternative way out: being a sycophant! Yes, yes, you're so clever, how could he ever hope to measure up; no, no, he's really not that talented compared to you...and when you're not expecting it, he's going to take advantage. A boy wants what a boy wants, after all. And how could someone so humble be a manipulatorBOW BEFORE ME Ashton pretends to be selfless and caring, maybe, but in the end all he wants is to be better than you. If there's absolutely no way for him to get anything out of something he does, whether it's via favorsharking or doing something that seems like it's trouble, he'll refuse. What's the point in helping other people for no reward? Everything Ashton does is absolutely selfish at its' root, and he favorsharks like crazy because He Is Going To Win.
And if you're not useful to Ashton, he's going to walk all over you. You see: this is starting to become a problem. People are starting to learn that Ashton Carver is not a good person. And rumors can't be stamped out...especially when they're true. If Ashton doesn't change what he's doing...people are going to learn exactly what kind of person he is, and it's going to ruin his prospects.NATURAL 20 Whenever Ashton rolls a die, or flips a coin, or does anything else similar; the result is almost always favorable. ANYTHING ELSE? idk my dude they have a profile. its 8 in the morning what you want from me
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Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2016 8:15 am
Thanks for getting this up, Daekie! Someone will be buy with a full review later, but I can tell you right off the bat that your power does not work as a dreamer power, as it is something Ashton does rather than a way reality bends around him. However, you do still get to pick a power for her, as were abilities are additional, not instead-of. If you can edit your power before the next reviewer swings by, it would streamline things tremendously! Please check this thread for some ideas about what makes an appropriate Dreamer power! (Anything that can be described as "divining" or is consciously activated is no good.)
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Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 3:34 pm
Hey, not so much a crit as a legibility concern, but could you rewrite the profile to use one pronoun throughout? It gets pretty hard to parse for me with the constant pronoun swapping. I understand Ashton is GNC/bigender and am totes behind pronoun-swapping between threads, but as a legibility/ease of play concern I'd like it if you picked one pronoun set to use per thread ~ I'll swing back thru when you're ready!
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Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2016 4:32 pm
shibrogane Hey, not so much a crit as a legibility concern, but could you rewrite the profile to use one pronoun throughout? It gets pretty hard to parse for me with the constant pronoun swapping. I understand Ashton is GNC/bigender and am totes behind pronoun-swapping between threads, but as a legibility/ease of play concern I'd like it if you picked one pronoun set to use per thread ~ I'll swing back thru when you're ready! No problem -- fixed!
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 9:52 am
I think you need to relate your Trouble more to your high concept; I'm not seeing false-ness or sycophant here, and the disconnect is jarring now that I am not distracted by trying to track the pronoun swapping. I think something focusing on their ego and how it's fed or else re-wording the high concept and blurb might improve this a bit?
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 10:33 am
shibrogane I think you need to relate your Trouble more to your high concept; I'm not seeing false-ness or sycophant here, and the disconnect is jarring now that I am not distracted by trying to track the pronoun swapping. I think something focusing on their ego and how it's fed or else re-wording the high concept and blurb might improve this a bit? Rewrote the high concept, and developed a new Trouble!
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Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2016 9:09 pm
Hey, Daekie! I'm stepping in to put a fresh set of eyes on this! You're ALMOST THERE! I just need a little bit more on Ashton's trouble! Please elaborate on why this is a PROBLEM and not just an unflattering personality trait! What ISSUES does Ashton's ambition and selfishness create? How does his trouble create some kind of central personal conflict or setback for him to work towards overcoming? If not, it's not a trouble, just a character flaw. Please give this another shot and get back to me! smile
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Posted: Fri Jun 10, 2016 5:33 am
Added a few more lines in on how Ashton's trouble is affecting his reputation, if that works smile
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Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:55 am
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