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rp guild for the community "ashdown" 

Tags: magical, realism, roleplay 

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Nicolae Sparke // Playboy Foodie // APPROVED

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Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 5:57 pm


Nicolae Sparke
PLAYBOY FOODIE
A beautiful blonde man with the prettiest purple eyes that he has ever seen, thanks for noticing~ Nicolae has a deep love of cooking, and a deeper love of eating, and let’s not even talk about the love he feels for other people. Do you feel the love? He sure does. The thing that holds the most love for him though is his love for himself. He comes first, before anyone. Nic is so big headed, it's a wonder he doesn't fly away with the intensity of his ego.

TOO MUCH LOVE
Nicolae falls in love at the drop of a hat. Every love is as strong as a first love, and when he has to leave someone, that is clearly the most difficult thing in the world. So, it is just easier not to leave anyone. There’s more than enough of him to go around, more than more than enough. Of course when boyfriend A and Girlfriend C realize that the other exists…it has never turned out well for Nic at all. Eventually his cheating caught up to him, and now the good, beautiful, wonderful people of his beloved Ashdown have such a hard time giving him a chance anymore. That doesn't stop him from trying, and that sure doesn't stop him from cheating.


BURN HEAL
For as much as Nic likes to experiment with his cooking, he has never managed to burn anything, and that right there is such a great confidence boost. I doesn’t mean that his food necessarily tastes good, it’s just..not burnt. Ever.

ANYTHING ELSE?
Nic is a nineteen year old master of the realms…or pretends to be. He loves to look good, and is hardly ever seen without his overly confident swanky grin.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 29, 2016 11:00 pm


Hey, Orangeish! I'm excited to see you post a quest! I have a few questions about Nicolae that I would like you to clarify in his profile, and then we should be good to get him approved!

HIGH CONCEPT
-The overall idea for this high concept is very strong! Good job. However, I would love to see you talk more directly about Nicolae's negative personality traits. I get from your writeup that he's very vain and more than a little self-centered, but I want to make sure that that's actually something you are intentionally writing into the character, and not just me reading more into it than is there.

TROUBLE
I think that here you need to be both broader and more specific. I can very easily see why Nico's philandering is a problem for him, but "Of course when boyfriend A and Girlfriend C realize that the other exists…it has never turned out well for Nic at all." is too vague with regards to the consequences. Ashdown is not a huge town - does Nico have a reputation as a serial cheater? Have people been warned about him, and are therefore hesitant to give him a chance?

POWER
Looks good! I want that!

In general, I think that there is a balance between writing your profile how your character sees himself, and writing your profile from a self-aware player perspective, and you're leaning a little too far towards how Nico views himself at the moment - leaning heavily on his positive attributes and glossing over the negative. While this profile is presently a great example of show-don't-tell and informed attributes, for the sake of clarity, it might be beneficial to be a little bit more impartial.

Please feel free to hit me up with any questions you may have regarding this review! smile

Orangeish Sherbert

Silverah
Vice Captain

Handsome Shoujo

11,200 Points
  • Magical Girl 50
  • Team Jacob 100
  • Tooth Fairy 100

Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 9:31 am


Hiya Silv! I think I touched on what you were saying? =o I tried to find you on AIM, but you were not there so...LETS TRY AGAIN ;;

I am sorry I am so bad with quests like these ahahah ;;

Silverah
PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2016 12:37 pm


As long as his eyes aren't actually purple (normal eye colors only up in this nonsense) we good here

APPROVED !!

shibrogane
Vice Captain

Stellar Lightbringer

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