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 Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:40 pm
Hi Everyone~ My Name is Ari I joined this Fabulous guild just before I disappeared for like... ever *Cries* So... Hello If I haven't spoken to you yet~~ ((Promises to be more active))
So I've got this Strange... I don't know whether to call it a feeling or a sense... or something. *Shrug* But it's weighing down on my brain and concentration so much that I can't seem to focus on anything else.
To clarify, this topic is about relationships: Oh geez I hope I put this in the right place? sweatdrop
I start with the background I suppose...
Insert "I am _(20)_ years old and I've been seeing this guy for _(2 going on 3)_ years now" Here
Now that that's taken care of. He started out as my best guy friend in sophomore year. We really hit it off- to the point where people who didn't know us thought we were twins. Hell, people who DID know us were convinced. After a long and complicated Friendzoned-girl Disney story that I will not bore you with (Your welcome~) We started going out in our last year of highschool and are, according to everyone we know: 'Absolutely perfect for each other' in our quote on quote 'Successful' Long-distance relation ship. ((Which, until now I never would have thought was a potential problem.))
I bet you are waiting for the 'however' are you not?
Heh heh
Well, HOWEVER... Lately I've started feeling like things are going... in reverse? Maybe that's not a good way to explain it... I guess the only way I can put it into words is (As horrifyingly anti-cheesy as it may sound) 'Falling out of love' seems to be what my problem is.
(I'm the kind of person that feels When something's changed there must be a problem- I have to find the problem, and fix it. So Naturally I start contemplating why I would be doubting.
My Anonymous BF is your average gentleman. Sociable, Easy to get along with, optimistic, incredible funny... etc etc blah blah blah and all that jazz. SO the problem must be, me, right? Isn't that usually how it works?
"Oh it's not you it's me..." talk2hand
So I guess my question is... Could it be that the Long distance is finally getting to me? (Nah, he visits often, that can't be it...) Or maybe we are just too much alike that things are -and I hate this thought- becoming boring? (Tis a possibility, We never have anything to talk about anymore stare )
To add icing to the slowly staling cake, Every time I'm around him I feel... dark.
What I mean by 'dark' is I just get really down or irritable OR I just start avoiding him completely, no hugs, no kisses, nope. 'Just don't touch me. It feels... off.' I can almost 'see' the end of our relationship but I can't figure out why or how.
The part about all this I can't stand the most... is that part of me- doesn't want to fix it, part of me is patiently waiting for this to end so I can start over.
((That's been a big thing for me- this being new years and all. New Starts and the like.))
Former classmates and Good friends of mine are going about everywhere announcing Engagements and such.
Far to Fecking early if you ask me stare I most certainly wouldn't want my life to tied down like that at 20.. Tsk, too young. Imma a big baby, look at me and my trading cards....
*Ahem* Sorry, I digress a lot. sweatdrop
~
So I guess All I'm looking for with this post is... actually nothing in particular. We all love to vent, am I right? But if any of the above made sense to any of you... What would you do?
A little voice in my head says "If you don't feel like its working, cut the boy loose before you end up making it worse," ..... I don't know how to do that. Here's naive me not wanting to hurt anybody. He's been nothing but patient and kind with me and All my other issues which I won't bore you with- He's already came to me about nightmares where I broke up with him stressed Dammit Universe Stop foretelling things. Is a big believer of Fate(both determined and changeable) and has foreseen previous relationship outcomes the same way.
So Here I am, Feeling both Uncaring about the outcome but to empathetic to end it sooner. Am I being selfish? Or Stupid. Meh, Maybe both. emo
4laugh I look forward to haunting you lot with my Sillyness around the other parts of this guild~ <3
~Aria
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:20 pm
All Relationships go from being perfect to having a time when you doubt everything, the distance can make this stage in a relationship utterly difficult.
People that get past this stage often end up in happy marriages, most relationships end at this time.
You need to decide how to handle what you are feeling.
you need one of those over the top moments that make you go He's the one and you'll get past it.
Or you need to end things because you've reached that time.
It's a natural cycle in relationships.
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:12 pm
*nodsnodsnods* Absolutely. I Just gotta figure out which one of those is gonna happen first, and soon before the opposite of smooth outcomes happen. I really wish I could tip within guilds Haha blaugh *Tips you 1 imaginary Hug*
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:37 pm
Arillena *nodsnodsnods* Absolutely. I Just gotta figure out which one of those is gonna happen first, and soon before the opposite of smooth outcomes happen. I really wish I could tip within guilds Haha blaugh *Tips you 1 imaginary Hug* How long has it been since you've last seen him in person? It could just be you haven't seen each other recently enough.
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:49 pm
cool4 How long has it been since you've last seen him in person? It could just be you haven't seen each other recently enough. I saw him just this past Friday. We were hanging out with a couple of our friends who happened to be in town. I got like this... Dark cloud of Foreboding Doom every time I was close to him. I'd had the "doom" feeling for a couple weeks now. It's like... I'm either forgetting something important that I really need to remember or something bad is gonna happen OR Something Bad is coming I need to watch out. The sense got stronger every time I he got too close.
Course I might just be a loon~ gonk
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Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:24 pm
Arillena cool4 How long has it been since you've last seen him in person? It could just be you haven't seen each other recently enough. I saw him just this past Friday. We were hanging out with a couple of our friends who happened to be in town. I got like this... Dark cloud of Foreboding Doom every time I was close to him. I'd had the "doom" feeling for a couple weeks now. It's like... I'm either forgetting something important that I really need to remember or something bad is gonna happen OR Something Bad is coming I need to watch out. The sense got stronger every time I he got too close.
Course I might just be a loon~ gonk could be an instinct that things should maybe end. are there others you've looked at and wished you could be with? Since you're 2-3 years in have you had talks about what marriage/children/religion/ect goals are for each other? It could be you only see your relationship as something now, but not in the future.
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Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:42 pm
cool4 could be an instinct that things should maybe end. I've considered this a possibility- since similar doom senses have befallen me before and have never ended well Quote: are there others you've looked at and wished you could be with? Not really. I don't get out of my house much (Online school, stays homes to help family) unless you wanna count my imaginary dream man emotion_dowant Haha~ I kid. Quote: Since you're 2-3 years in have you had talks about what marriage/children/religion/ect goals are for each other? It could be you only see your relationship as something now, but not in the future. Yes and no actually, with half of out friends announcing engagement the topic's come up but- neither of us are really that into the subject. CHildren? Meh I want a daughter~ he don't those kinds of things we don't really talk about. Haha Our brains are still kids. Religion... hm. That might be something now that you mention it. He's from a catholic family whereas I was born into a not so religious family. A couple weeks ago I asked him how things like Marriage and Kid raising would differ if one of the partners wasn't that religious. (I'm over here border lining religious beliefs of Buddism, Christianity and Wiccan views combined..) I guess I did feel a bit odd after he answered my questions. Hm... Course talking about to future with me is Taboo anyway, every time I do something goes wrong. THAT or I'm a paranoid mess~ *Shrug* You've givin me somthing to think about. I thank you for that~
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Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:56 pm
Arillena cool4 could be an instinct that things should maybe end. I've considered this a possibility- since similar doom senses have befallen me before and have never ended well Quote: are there others you've looked at and wished you could be with? Not really. I don't get out of my house much (Online school, stays homes to help family) unless you wanna count my imaginary dream man emotion_dowant Haha~ I kid. Quote: Since you're 2-3 years in have you had talks about what marriage/children/religion/ect goals are for each other? It could be you only see your relationship as something now, but not in the future. Yes and no actually, with half of out friends announcing engagement the topic's come up but- neither of us are really that into the subject. CHildren? Meh I want a daughter~ he don't those kinds of things we don't really talk about. Haha Our brains are still kids. Religion... hm. That might be something now that you mention it. He's from a catholic family whereas I was born into a not so religious family. A couple weeks ago I asked him how things like Marriage and Kid raising would differ if one of the partners wasn't that religious. (I'm over here border lining religious beliefs of Buddism, Christianity and Wiccan views combined..) I guess I did feel a bit odd after he answered my questions. Hm... Course talking about to future with me is Taboo anyway, every time I do something goes wrong. THAT or I'm a paranoid mess~ *Shrug* You've givin me somthing to think about. I thank you for that~ Not talking about the future might just be why you're in such a weird place. You haven't really discussed or given your relationship something to look forward to. Similarly the doomy feeling could be you know what you want, and you don't really see him wanting the same things. My boyfriend has gone back to the Catholic Church and I come from a non-religious background. I've been going to Mass trying to understand it. We're about 2 years in. It can definitely cause issues.
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Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:13 pm
cool4 Not talking about the future might just be why you're in such a weird place. You haven't really discussed or given your relationship something to look forward to. Similarly the doomy feeling could be you know what you want, and you don't really see him wanting the same things. My boyfriend has gone back to the Catholic Church and I come from a non-religious background. I've been going to Mass trying to understand it. We're about 2 years in. It can definitely cause issues. Hm... Maybe. I guess I kinda see myself being that Parent who's all- "It doesn't matter to me what you believe in so long as your happy~" Whereas I'm afraid he'd be wanting to raise his children strictly catholic. Do you think that's a valid thing to be concerned about? Meh, the whole anti freedom concept bugs the hell out of me. stare Like when he told me that a wedding would have to take place in a church and not somewhere cool like... a beach or a pretty garden I was just, like..." What? " I felt out of place during my short time in youth group choir for a church i did not attend. Twitchy and panicky. Had to book it after every song crying Love the buildings~ Freak over the all the lectures. ... Wow. I never realized how bothered I was by the idea. O_o
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Posted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:37 pm
Arillena cool4 Not talking about the future might just be why you're in such a weird place. You haven't really discussed or given your relationship something to look forward to. Similarly the doomy feeling could be you know what you want, and you don't really see him wanting the same things. My boyfriend has gone back to the Catholic Church and I come from a non-religious background. I've been going to Mass trying to understand it. We're about 2 years in. It can definitely cause issues. Hm... Maybe. I guess I kinda see myself being that Parent who's all- "It doesn't matter to me what you believe in so long as your happy~" Whereas I'm afraid he'd be wanting to raise his children strictly catholic. Do you think that's a valid thing to be concerned about? Meh, the whole anti freedom concept bugs the hell out of me. stare Like when he told me that a wedding would have to take place in a church and not somewhere cool like... a beach or a pretty garden I was just, like..." What? " I felt out of place during my short time in youth group choir for a church i did not attend. Twitchy and panicky. Had to book it after every song crying Love the buildings~ Freak over the all the lectures. ... Wow. I never realized how bothered I was by the idea. O_o In order for a Catholic Marriage to be Sacramental and Valid both parties have to be Catholic (baptized Christian). As a Catholic they are required to Marry in the Church and promise to do the best they can to raise the kids Catholic. You can do Catholic non-catholic marriages but it requires dispensation from a bishop. So it is something you have to think about. If he is not that committed to his Faith then you can get Married the way you probably planned as a kid. But it sounds like he takes it somewhat seriously. Also Religion tends to be passed down through the male. A Practicing Catholic father independent of what the wife believes is likely to have Practicing Catholic kids. I've been going to Mass and trying to decide if conversion is something I can do. I feel like I've gotten closer that I could make that leap, but it is a leap.
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Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 11:50 am
cool4 In order for a Catholic Marriage to be Sacramental and Valid both parties have to be Catholic (baptized Christian). As a Catholic they are required to Marry in the Church and promise to do the best they can to raise the kids Catholic. You can do Catholic non-catholic marriages but it requires dispensation from a bishop. So it is something you have to think about. If he is not that committed to his Faith then you can get Married the way you probably planned as a kid. But it sounds like he takes it somewhat seriously. Also Religion tends to be passed down through the male. A Practicing Catholic father independent of what the wife believes is likely to have Practicing Catholic kids. I've been going to Mass and trying to decide if conversion is something I can do. I feel like I've gotten closer that I could make that leap, but it is a leap. *Nods* I see. A lot of this I never considered before. I hadn't realized how big of impact Religion has on people different then what I've always known. I guess since I never thought of the topic as a big one, I didn't realize that for others- it really is huge. This will definitely take some contemplation. Since I feel cursed to talk about the future -silly paranoia, heh heh...- I hadn't pressed the conversation further with Him, and neither did he. (We don't wanna grow up emotion_donotwant ) Hm... That could be it. You know that 'Dark feeling' I mentioned? At first I didn't connect it to my relationship until we had that conversation. I tend to push back things I don't want to think about and then they build up and leak out little by little into my subconscious... No wait that doesn't make any sense. stressed Gah, but that still doesn't explain the emptiness. Guess I'd better get to thinking. I feel like I've confused something with something and it's blocking what I should really figure out. Haha, Have I lost you yet? I think this summer- if I can make it that far (He's completely unaware that I'm having these doubts sweatdrop ) I'll see about going with him to his church a few times. Just to see what strange 'sense' I get from the place. I don't think I'll be able to give up my acceptance of all the other beliefs I've stashed under by belt... But if I don't try something My Doomish visions will only accelerate and the pain will only be worse.
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Posted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 4:16 pm
Arillena cool4 In order for a Catholic Marriage to be Sacramental and Valid both parties have to be Catholic (baptized Christian). As a Catholic they are required to Marry in the Church and promise to do the best they can to raise the kids Catholic. You can do Catholic non-catholic marriages but it requires dispensation from a bishop. So it is something you have to think about. If he is not that committed to his Faith then you can get Married the way you probably planned as a kid. But it sounds like he takes it somewhat seriously. Also Religion tends to be passed down through the male. A Practicing Catholic father independent of what the wife believes is likely to have Practicing Catholic kids. I've been going to Mass and trying to decide if conversion is something I can do. I feel like I've gotten closer that I could make that leap, but it is a leap. *Nods* I see. A lot of this I never considered before. I hadn't realized how big of impact Religion has on people different then what I've always known. I guess since I never thought of the topic as a big one, I didn't realize that for others- it really is huge. This will definitely take some contemplation. Since I feel cursed to talk about the future -silly paranoia, heh heh...- I hadn't pressed the conversation further with Him, and neither did he. (We don't wanna grow up emotion_donotwant ) Hm... That could be it. You know that 'Dark feeling' I mentioned? At first I didn't connect it to my relationship until we had that conversation. I tend to push back things I don't want to think about and then they build up and leak out little by little into my subconscious... No wait that doesn't make any sense. stressed Gah, but that still doesn't explain the emptiness. Guess I'd better get to thinking. I feel like I've confused something with something and it's blocking what I should really figure out. Haha, Have I lost you yet? I think this summer- if I can make it that far (He's completely unaware that I'm having these doubts sweatdrop ) I'll see about going with him to his church a few times. Just to see what strange 'sense' I get from the place. I don't think I'll be able to give up my acceptance of all the other beliefs I've stashed under by belt... But if I don't try something My Doomish visions will only accelerate and the pain will only be worse. I'll tell you from my experience with going to church, it really makes a difference which church you go to. Also going once and then never again doesn't really work. You also might figure out a lot of what you believe is aligned with the church. since I am probably in a similar situation to you, 2-3 years into a relationship and sorting out the importance of religion, feel free to ask me any questions you have, especially if you aren't ready to talk about it with your boyfriend.
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Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:12 am
cool4 I'll tell you from my experience with going to church, it really makes a difference which church you go to. Also going once and then never again doesn't really work. You also might figure out a lot of what you believe is aligned with the church. since I am probably in a similar situation to you, 2-3 years into a relationship and sorting out the importance of religion, feel free to ask me any questions you have, especially if you aren't ready to talk about it with your boyfriend. You're awesome. I'll definitely do my research~ ^u^ Maybe I'll get to the bottom of this and realize that I was just over thinking a long term bad mood. Hopefully things get sorted out for us, and you too~ heart
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Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 11:33 am
Arillena cool4 I'll tell you from my experience with going to church, it really makes a difference which church you go to. Also going once and then never again doesn't really work. You also might figure out a lot of what you believe is aligned with the church. since I am probably in a similar situation to you, 2-3 years into a relationship and sorting out the importance of religion, feel free to ask me any questions you have, especially if you aren't ready to talk about it with your boyfriend. You're awesome. I'll definitely do my research~ ^u^ Maybe I'll get to the bottom of this and realize that I was just over thinking a long term bad mood. Hopefully things get sorted out for us, and you too~ heart He's been talking to other Catholics, and refers to me as his inherited girlfriend from secular life. Catholics date for marriage so it's more typical when they're ready for kids they date someone for 6 months then get married.
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Posted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 12:29 pm
cool4 He's been talking to other Catholics, and refers to me as his inherited girlfriend from secular life. Catholics date for marriage so it's more typical when they're ready for kids they date someone for 6 months then get married. Pfft, Inherited Girlfriend? O_o Huh, That's different. my dude gets annoyed when my 10 year old sister asks if he's gonna marry me. *shrug* everyone's different I suppose. In my opinion we're still too young to be contemplating all that jazz. I think what I'll do is give my brain a few days to erase all the gloomy negativity and try and filter out what the problem really is. 3nodding
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