How do you tell someone you...loathe...them?

[albonatious]

Okay maybe that's an exaggeration, but let's break it down (be warned, very long necessary story):

My best friend got a girlfriend about 2-3 years ago. Cool, whatever, great! I'm happy for you!
But all of a sudden we rarely started seeing her because she was always with her. Fine. Newlyweds always have that bout of never being apart. I mean I admit i was totes jealous that this girl comes out of nowhere and somehow overshadows me and our other mutual best friend who also noticed the drastic change. Like, my BFF was in love and she fell in it HARD!

1.5 years goes by. It's 2 weeks before Christmas, 2 days before I went home. The day before I had just finished skyping my BFF (I was at school working and she was home so we skyped until i was able to come home) and she was talking about her girlfriend and all bein in love and making her pants from Christmas. I'm like, that's cool and everything, which it was!

Next day. The girlfriend texts me and says that she "was going to break up with my BFF, what should I do?" And I'm like, "you're both my friends, but do whatever makes you happy, but think about it to make sure that this is what you want." She said okay, and the next day I get a text from my BFF and she solemnly said that her girlfriend broke up with her.

I was pissed because I wasn't home to be there for her, and she spiraled down into a deep depression that was terrifying (she actually has depression and it was under wraps until this happened). She would pace back and forth talking down about herself because she really loved the girl! The next two weeks was just her moping around being depressed--we would hang out but half the time she would cry and ask me to text the girl to see how she was doing. I would walk circles with her and talk to her about stuff--I even cried with her about what happened and I never cry man!

Its just that the girlfriend broke up with her because she felt like God was calling her in another direction. Do what you want, but I knew that my friend loved her almost unconditionally and I knew the girl loved her back. It was heartbreaking to see my best friend like this. She was always there for me when I was crying being basically the rock that motivated me to defend myself and dedicate myself to trying hard and excelling at school. When she broke down like this, I couldn't help but cry because I didn't know what to do--I was the one who was supposed to be sad not her! It was scary seeing her like this.

A month rolls by and its about the 15th of January. All of a sudden I hear that my BFF and the girl got back together. And this just enraged me because after my BFF finally realized that she was better than the girl and didnt need her playing with her emotions, she comes back and says lets try this again and my BFF accepts her!

SHE BROKE YOUR HEART AND LEFT YOU MISERABLE FOR 3 WEEKS BECAUSE SHE SAID YOU WERE NEEDY AND SHE FELT THIS LOVE WAS AGAINST HER FAITH (yeah that's what she said, in a nicer way but yeah) AND YOU TAKE HER BACK?! crying

And look, love is a powerful thing that I will never understand because I've never been in love yet, but when you toy with the emotions of my best friend I lose all trust and respect for you and refuse to acknowledge you as a friend of mine. But for my best friend I will put on a face when your around in order to not hurt her feelings.

But okay, now to the point of this topic: I want to tell the girlfriend that I don't like or trust her because of what happened last Christmas. I swear I was going to murder her. Now this Christmas is rolling around and I'm pretty optimistic about it but I am still wary. Plus she always asks/says "hey you hate me huh" and I say no, but its hard for me to be nice around her because my facial expressions easily show how I feel towards a person.

Do I have a right to be mad? Should I tell her? Should I keep it to myself? Is it my place to tell her how I feel about her (I mean I don't have to love her my BFF does)? Should I tell my BFF first about it? Should I make her a peppermint hot chocolate jar mix for Christmas? (okay that's not a legitimate question but come on mason jars you guys.)  

[cool4]

You probably shouldn't say anything.

People go through evaluations of faith all the time, it's something that has to be evaluated when in relationships and may need time apart to discern. She may have figured out God's calling for her.

They were together for 1.5 years before she though God was calling her. That's a lot of emotions it's reasonable to be upset and feel displaced.

Maybe she's decided her faith is taking her back to her relationship with your friend.


I don't think it's your place to say anything.


My experience: My boyfriend of 2 years is currently on his path back into Catholicism. He's struggling with the idea that he has a secular girlfriend. This means certain activities that have been apart of our relationship for the last 2 years are no longer acceptable and so we have to evaluate what to do about it.

Not being brought up in a religious family a lot of the aspects of religion are hard to swallow.

Some of this involved trying to understand what fulfilling God's calling really means. I talked with a priest about this, he was saying that it was more about discernment of marriage, of the relationship, where you want to be in life, put love for God first and Love for everything else will extend out from it. So maybe she put herself in faith and came back to your friend.

You don't know the entire story, it's between their relationship. Let them figure it out.


Also trying to climb back into a faith fueled life is incredibly difficult and a lot of irrational decisions may end up getting made.

If I can clarify anything or tell you more feel free to ask.