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 Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 7:11 pm
My question is what would you do if your boyfriend or husband abuse you for the first time
1-physically
2-verbally
3-sexually
?
I was shocked when my friend said her ex-boyfriend was verbally abusive towards her, she always told me all the great things he did, but not what she was suffering. I asked her why she didn't leave him sooner, she said love made her blind she thought about the good times and that they can be just like before he was mean to her.
It made me think what would I do if one day my boyfriend hits me, or shows disrespect or forces me to do something...
Would I talk to him, to make it clear that I cannot tolerate any form of abuse ?
Or Would I just break up and give no second chance?
I often told myself to never tolerate any form of abuse, but when you love someone, can this act remove all the love you had ?
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Posted: Fri Sep 12, 2014 8:19 pm
Well if it's a first time offense I'd be livid but I would talk to him about it.
See if we could work it out, or something.
But if it ever happened again I'd leave.
I can always go back home to my parents, and I world rather be at home then with some abusive jerk.
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Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2014 12:06 am
1-physically
If it were the first time, I might try to brush it off. However, long term, I think I can say pretty confidently that I'd get out of the situation. I run when I'm physically threatened.
2-verbally
Probably not recognize it as abuse. I'd likely stay and blame myself. I went through a situation with a friend who I didn't realize was verbally abusive (he'd had a lot of concussions and had some mental problems) until another friend pointed it out to me.
3-sexually
Either get out or be petrified with terror. I would really hope get out, but it's not the sort of thing I've had experience with.
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Posted: Tue Nov 04, 2014 10:35 pm
It can really depend on the situation. my boyfriend does physically abuse me. I've wondered a few times why i dont just leave. but he does know it's wrong, and when he loses his temper he just snaps. he immediatly apologizes, and is going to therapy and taking prescribed medication to help him, and he's improving a lot.
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Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2014 12:52 am
Sorry if I sound harsh, but domestic abuse scares me. I haven't been in an abusive relationship, but I have witnessed and read a lot about it.
So, in short, my answer to your question is all abuse is bad. Even if it's just their fist offence. You can try to talk it out, but I would never feel comfortable with that person ever again. There's nothing to stop them from doing it again.
If you want to read my rant here you go:
>A lot of girls see a guy who is "rough around the edges" and say "I'll just clean him up!" But it doesn't work like that. They will only change when THEY want to. You can't inspire change in someone. It needs to be self-motivated. Otherwise, it's easy to falter.
> Any abuse from a significant other is a no-no ESPECIALLY if you plan to have a future with them. Their domestic violence could focus on your children. We are talking child abuse, ladies. If he could raise a hand to you, the one who he is supposed to love, nurture, care for, and who he made a vow to... what is to stop him from hurting your children? NOTHING. Any children you raise with them will have a greater likelihood of developing abusive tendencies by watching your husband/boyfriend. Thus, creating a cycle of abuse.
>I can't stand that. An endless cycle of abuse because "I can't leave him." That sounds more like pity than love. And yes you can leave him. No, it won't be easy but it is the right thing to do. I'm sorry, but I love my future babies more.
>These are only a few of the problems I have with this issue. There are plenty more.
>Again, sorry for coming off harsh, but domestic abuse is terrifying.
>There are plenty of fish in the sea, get on eHarmony or some dating website and meet someone who won't ruin love for you. Technology, huns, we live in the future!
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Posted: Wed Nov 05, 2014 8:30 pm
XxAriaxX My question is what would you do if your boyfriend or husband abuse you for the first time 1-physically 2-verbally 3-sexually ? I was shocked when my friend said her ex-boyfriend was verbally abusive towards her, she always told me all the great things he did, but not what she was suffering. I asked her why she didn't leave him sooner, she said love made her blind she thought about the good times and that they can be just like before he was mean to her. It made me think what would I do if one day my boyfriend hits me, or shows disrespect or forces me to do something... Would I talk to him, to make it clear that I cannot tolerate any form of abuse ? Or Would I just break up and give no second chance? I often told myself to never tolerate any form of abuse, but when you love someone, can this act remove all the love you had ? It is important for her to realize the situation she is in and the dangers that will come from if she stays. Confronting him may not be the best thing for you to do especially if he is abusive, this may cause him to lash out even more. I highly recommend that you try to get your friend introduced to a family violence center or refer her to a domestic violence task force within your community. Just know that she may be resilient and believe that there is nothing wrong with the relationship. If she is showing you bruises or injuries that she is receiving from him, take pictures. Those can be used later if she wishes to press charges or to receive restraining orders if she does break it off with him. If you have any more questions or concerns, please feel free to message me or quote me (I recently went to a domestic violence conference and learned a lot from it; I highly recommend researching Dottie Davis http://dottiedavis.com/ and for local agencies that can help you and your friend) I hope this helps. heart
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Posted: Thu Nov 06, 2014 7:51 pm
Thanks ! My friend is fine now , she found a really nice boyfriend.
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Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 11:36 am
My first relationship was physically abusive. For a long time after the relationship ended I would noticeably flinch whenever someone raised a hand around me. I still have issues with trust when people are carrying things like pins, chains, knives, and scissors. I've also been forced into doing things I was not comfortable with while in another relationship; it's had an everlasting effect. Fool that I was, I didn't recognize it as abuse so I let it go. I regret letting it go and not leaving sooner.
Because of the experiences I've personally had, and what I've witnessed among friends and family, I'd leave the first sign of abusive behaviour.
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Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2014 1:30 pm
When it comes to relationships I have three main rules. No lying, no cheating, and no abuse (of any sort) from either person (them or me). I have trust issues already so I don't need anything else added to that. Everything is dependent upon the situation and I do believe in giving someone a second chance but I don't continually forgive. If it happens once I will work on forgiving them and getting over it and give them another chance. It happens twice it's pushing my limits and they are getting their final warning to do something about it. If it happens a third time I'm gone. I have subconsciously developed a 'three strikes and you're out' type mentality with things like this, as well as lying and cheating. I can not and will not tolerate a relationship with someone who is that disrespectful toward me.
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