Will you forgive your violent father?

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

If your father mistreat your mother physically, would you forgive him?

Even though it is not an action directly to me, but it bothers me because it's concern someone that I love. I hate abusive men, I can't forgive my father.

I know people who their father was abusive too and they forgave.

It's just that I feel I cannot trust my father.  

[Nu Sanniang]

It takes time, honestly and you have to get to a place where you have to understand forgiveness has nothing to do with the person you're forgiving but yourself. I am firm believe we as humans are not "built" to hold/have intense negative emotions and it WILL appear in other aspects of your life.
Maybe in how you view people/treat people.
Some folks believe it won't affect them but it does.
Understand that if your mother is with him by choice too. All you can do is try to support her as much as possible even though I would try to talk to her and get someone involve because that can become dangerous fast but I digress.

My father was physically abusive to my mom and eventually sexually abusing me.

So, I understand how forgivness may seem impossible, but its a one day kind of thing.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Nu Sanniang

It takes time, honestly and you have to get to a place where you have to understand forgiveness has nothing to do with the person you're forgiving but yourself. I am firm believe we as humans are not "built" to hold/have intense negative emotions and it WILL appear in other aspects of your life.
Maybe in how you view people/treat people.
Some folks believe it won't affect them but it does.
Understand that if your mother is with him by choice too. All you can do is try to support her as much as possible even though I would try to talk to her and get someone involve because that can become dangerous fast but I digress.

My father was physically abusive to my mom and eventually sexually abusing me.

So, I understand how forgivness may seem impossible, but its a one day kind of thing.

I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you and your mom.  

[Nu Sanniang]

XxAriaxX

emotion_hug How very sweet of you, thank you <3
But nothing to be sorry about, what's done is done. I do sometimes miss things that was robbed of me,however,once I started going to therapy and realize ALL this anger I had and didn't even realize,(for example: I was VERY passive aggressive) and my father passed away you know, and its been years and I saw how his action still had control over me I had to "work on myself" to let that go.

Nothing to do with him, I mean an apology would've be nice(in my case I know I wasn't going to get it) because it does help with the healing process but not needed.

I mean I do hope I help share a lil insight and help you even if it was a bit.  

[Starphyr]

My father was never home, but he would daily rape me an my little sister... And beat my little brother to near death...

I still hate him to this day  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Nu Sanniang

XxAriaxX

emotion_hug How very sweet of you, thank you <3
But nothing to be sorry about, what's done is done. I do sometimes miss things that was robbed of me,however,once I started going to therapy and realize ALL this anger I had and didn't even realize,(for example: I was VERY passive aggressive) and my father passed away you know, and its been years and I saw how his action still had control over me I had to "work on myself" to let that go.

Nothing to do with him, I mean an apology would've be nice(in my case I know I wasn't going to get it) because it does help with the healing process but not needed.

I mean I do hope I help share a lil insight and help you even if it was a bit.

Yes, you helped me.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Starphyr

My father was never home, but he would daily rape me an my little sister... And beat my little brother to near death...

I still hate him to this day

It will always sadden me to hear that people went through this. I can understand your hate. I hope your family is fine now.  

[Starphyr]

XxAriaxX

Starphyr

My father was never home, but he would daily rape me an my little sister... And beat my little brother to near death...

I still hate him to this day

It will always sadden me to hear that people went through this. I can understand your hate. I hope your family is fine now.

As long as my daughter never has to feel that kind of pain, I should be fine.  

[Queen Pansexual]

It's honestly so hard to imagine that scenario. My mom is verbally and emotionally abusive and my father is generally supportive. He's a bit analytical and can't understand me at times, but he's had 3 girls and no boys and still hasn't adjusted. I can't see him hitting me. He's just not like that. My mom's too mentally unstable to attack us, not to mention that I could easily overpower her, even if she was armed.

But in hypotheticals, I will never ever forgive an abuser. It's too damaging for human beings, especially ones so young, to go through such trauma and be okay. So I'd never forgive and never forget.

 

[allmostanyone]

I haven't decided if I want to forgive my father for his actions. I don't know if forgiveness is as easy as simply "deciding" it but maybe...
He Is a very ill man now so I sometimes think he's suffering enough as is, let things go, but then his old self makes an appearance and reminds me that he was always abusive, does being sick now nullify past actions? So far I don't think so.
Sometimes I think he is just a yucky human being. Mostly he is emotionally and verbally abusive, the most towards my mom calling her horrible names in front of us and the younger ones even. She'll fight back with him asking him to say such things around the kids, he will then get even madder "You're bringing them into this. this is not about them. don't act like you care about them" Completely oblivious that he is the one doing the hurting. Like the things he says should just bounce off us but if they don't and we tell him it hurts us he acts like we're being petty by holding on to past events and that we're siding with her by admitting that his words do infact bother us.
People talk about how forgiveness is medicine for the soul, and how they feel light and free after forgiving past pains, I would very much like to have some of that but still, I still don't feel forgiveness in me.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

allmostanyone

I haven't decided if I want to forgive my father for his actions. I don't know if forgiveness is as easy as simply "deciding" it but maybe...
He Is a very ill man now so I sometimes think he's suffering enough as is, let things go, but then his old self makes an appearance and reminds me that he was always abusive, does being sick now nullify past actions? So far I don't think so.
Sometimes I think he is just a yucky human being. Mostly he is emotionally and verbally abusive, the most towards my mom calling her horrible names in front of us and the younger ones even. She'll fight back with him asking him to say such things around the kids, he will then get even madder "You're bringing them into this. this is not about them. don't act like you care about them" Completely oblivious that he is the one doing the hurting. Like the things he says should just bounce off us but if they don't and we tell him it hurts us he acts like we're being petty by holding on to past events and that we're siding with her by admitting that his words do infact bother us.
People talk about how forgiveness is medicine for the soul, and how they feel light and free after forgiving past pains, I would very much like to have some of that but still, I still don't feel forgiveness in me.

I totally understand !  

[Caimbrie]

Was my father abusive? Yes. Was he mentally unstable? Yes. Did therapy work? If only. I was like my father though - we had the same conditions, the same past: Abused our entire lives by "family" and "friends", yet I do not understand him so. Will I ever understand him, may there be a time but for now I do not. It's hard to hold a grudge, yet it's a normal human act that happens. More over, it differs from human to human - mental stability that is. Even though we have the same conditions does not change the fact how well we deal with them such or how strong they are as a disadvantage. However, from my conditions I have learnt to use them at their advantage for my own benefit, I hope my father learns that soon. It will take time, as he has already lost two daughters, me included in that set. One is going, out of four, he really needs to pull his act together. Before it's too late. Yes, I forgive him to some extent but I can never consider him as my "father" due to his actions and the fact he has yet to repent for them so. Until he acknowledges I only forgave him due to my personality, I will not consider him as my father.  

[IbukiHoshi]

My step-father was very abusive to my mother and I still hate him to this day for it.
Ripping out her nose ring, burning her with cigarettes..
Given what she was doing was indeed arguable but it DEFINITELY should not have been meet with violence.
I don't blame you whatsoever.
You have every right to never forgive him.

 

[the mage-girl]

My mother and father divorced when I was 2 years old, so the father figure I am most familiar with is my step-father.

When my mom and him were dating, he was awesome. We went to Disneyland, and he treated me like his own daughter. However, once my mom got pregnant and they married, things changed.

While my step-father never hit me, he was verbally abusive (calling me "ugly" and "stupid"). He also did some crappy things to hurt my feelings, like taking my little brother for McDonald's (and leaving me out), leaving my mom to make things right (she would buy me a doughnut to make up for it - I love doughnuts to this day).

My step-father was VERY abusive to my mom. Verbally, physically, even sexually. He cheated on her constantly as well.

Since he'd forced her to move so far away from her friends and family (think thousands of miles) it took her awhile to get the resources to get away.

Within the last couple years he tried to get in touch with her again, as if nothing had happened. I told him to leave her alone and blocked him on Facebook. stare a*****e.

No, I don't think I can forgive him. Maybe when I get a little older and have some perspective, or maybe in my next life. I dunno. But I'm not counting on it.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

the mage-girl

My mother and father divorced when I was 2 years old, so the father figure I am most familiar with is my step-father.

When my mom and him were dating, he was awesome. We went to Disneyland, and he treated me like his own daughter. However, once my mom got pregnant and they married, things changed.

While my step-father never hit me, he was verbally abusive (calling me "ugly" and "stupid"). He also did some crappy things to hurt my feelings, like taking my little brother for McDonald's (and leaving me out), leaving my mom to make things right (she would buy me a doughnut to make up for it - I love doughnuts to this day).

My step-father was VERY abusive to my mom. Verbally, physically, even sexually. He cheated on her constantly as well.

Since he'd forced her to move so far away from her friends and family (think thousands of miles) it took her awhile to get the resources to get away.

Within the last couple years he tried to get in touch with her again, as if nothing had happened. I told him to leave her alone and blocked him on Facebook. stare a*****e.

No, I don't think I can forgive him. Maybe when I get a little older and have some perspective, or maybe in my next life. I dunno. But I'm not counting on it.

I can totally understand.