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Reply 24. ✿ - - - Life Issues
Head VS Heart, a cry for help

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Constant Munchies

PostPosted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 8:19 pm
So, you know how you will feel one way but you're not sure why you feel that way so you think about why you would be feeling that way, so you have know idea what you're really feeling?

Well;
I was visiting my friends who live 2 hours away and i met a guy. We've been on dates and hes super nice, has a brilliant future and could probably give me anything I desire. I've only known him for about a month. He's also going to a college a state away (not worried about trust)

In the past, I'm used to jumping into things so I'm not sure how getting to know someone really feels like.

So, I question what I'm feeling and thinking. When we're together, it's fun. He's the ideal boyfriend for anyone to be honest. He really likes me.

But; I like him too but I'm not sure if it's as much as he likes me. I might just be THINKING that I'm feeling that I shouldn't date him so soon because he's going to college and getting to know a person in a matter of 1-2 months to me, i feel like you should know how much you like them. My brain is telling me; don't mess it up, keep him around because he would be good for your future.

Then there's this; I've been able to kiss 2 guys without really thinking about it hardcore. Things like that. That makes me a bad person sort of but I think it's showing me that maybe I don't like him enough to date him yet, right? Or am I just thinking that I feel I shouldn't date him because of what I'm doing? I don't want to regret anything if I break it off. But if i would regret it, would i even be thinking about it?

Please help me evaluate what my head and my heart are saying.  
PostPosted: Sat Jun 28, 2014 11:40 pm
Look- life is short. You should do whatever the hell you want with it. Talk to the dude and see if you would be sad without him in your life. If you would be, then ask him out on another date and tell him how you feel. Someone who's absence makes you sad and presence makes you happy should be in your life, yeah? If you think of him as more than a friend, make a move.

You're probably over-analyzing because you think you've got something to lose. If all else fails, you can still be friends.

emotion_hug
 

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 1:32 am
i know it's cliche but follow your heart! Don't think too much, just go with what your gut is telling you.

Maybe its easier said than done but that's what i'd do.  
PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:00 pm
You've got a duty to your heart. heart I say go for it! He might even feel the same way 3nodding  

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:07 pm
I'd say take a chance and go for it. You're young (at least if you're dating someone who's going to college I think you are) and you have so much time to figure stuff out later. Now is not the time to worry about where this relationship might end up, just think about how it makes you feel in the moment. I understand how frustrating it can be to overanalyze stuff, though. It's scary and makes you anxious, and it sucks. But ultimately what's the worst that can happen? Think about that. The worst is that this relationship doesn't work out, you both move on, and find new relationships that work better. The best case scenario is that the relationship does work out. Either option ends with happiness, life experience, and a furthering in your path through life. Sounds like a good deal. Only known him a month? The longer you know him the longer you've known him, that's the good news. Going to college a state away? Cars, trains, planes, buses, phones, computers, Skype, there are ways around that.
If you think you like him more than he likes you remember that he does like you. Time will balance you two out in the liking levels. You can't worry about regretting something that hasn't happened yet, also. Don't worry about those things. I know that's hard, I know it's not going to stop you from worrying, but maybe worry about something more relevant like what times you can talk to him and when the next holiday you can get together over is. Things like that.

I also want to address something you said:
Uncomfortable Moan

Then there's this; I've been able to kiss 2 guys without really thinking about it hardcore. Things like that. That makes me a bad person sort of
.
No it doesn't. Nope. No it does not. Kissing someone is not always a meaningful act. Everyone has different opinions on this, though. I feel comfortable "casually" kissing someone (kissing someone I don't have feelings for, or someone I'm not intending to have a relationship with, etc.). Kissing, for me, is not an inherently romantic, sexual, important, or significant action. I don't tie it to fluttery feelings or my heart. Other people do, though, which is something I acknowledge. So, maybe if those two guys you kissed felt the kisses were important, that might be something to know. If you feel like you agree more with what I think/feel, then you might need to keep that in mind. I've dated people in the past who didn't want to kiss for a long time because they thought kissing was important and special and wanted to wait until our relationship was stronger. I respected the fact that they felt this way. If you don't need to think long and hard about kissing, but someone you date does then you just have to respect their preferences and understand if they want to wait on the kissing.
But you're not a bad person for being able to kiss people without feeling anything. That's not bad. It's not even abnormal. It's just how you feel and think and that's okay.
 
PostPosted: Sun Jun 29, 2014 6:26 pm
Thank you all, over-analyzing is just the problem. I'll figure it out, much love. heart  

Constant Munchies


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 7:50 am
I use about 3 months of getting to know a person to decide where it's going. In this time hopefully all talk about exclusivity has been clear. such as making sure they are aware you are getting to know them and you are free to get to know other people.

After that I have a general idea of who the person is and the relationship is becoming a little more serious this is when I decide if it is worth continuing. Then suddenly a year and few more months go by and you start talking about the future, I think I'm really only doing this because right now I don't have school or a job to focus on.

So you're not wrong to get to know someone, but you should also acknowledge you don't have to make a decision right now how much you like him.  
PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 12:22 pm
Uncomfortable Moan

Please help me evaluate what my head and my heart are saying.

Where to start?! Um, You met a good guy. And you sound like you are genuinely interested in seeing where this relationship could go.
Keep a balance with your thoughts by staying realistic. If you don't want a cheating relationship then of course you should not tolerate the steps of one.
I do not see what is wrong with continuing to get to know this guy via Skype, social media,and random day visits(both parties would know, no surprise)

Do you know what type of relationship he is looking for?And what about you? Have you made previous choices that lead to regret in this same subject matter? Were you in a healthy state of mind when sharing those kisses, and are these kisses shared with strangers or friends or friends of friends? Are you working fulltime or parttime or both? Are you a student? What do you have in relation to the major your new interest is meaning to complete? xp Whoa, that's a lot of questions, let's solve your heart&mind on this matter!  

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 20, 2014 1:29 am
The heart. You seem younger than him, hun. There's a full life ahead of you, don't make decisions based on whether or not a man can provide a "future."  
PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:39 pm
I say go for it~
If it doesn't work, brush it off babycakes!

emotion_hug
 

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24. ✿ - - - Life Issues

 
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