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Guild captain, I know you've been gone for a while, but I'm requesting that you demote me from Vice Captain, because I would like to leave this guild.
I've always known that some people are naturally thin. They can eat mountains of all sorts of food, and whether they exercise or not, they never really gain weight. They gain or lose muscle tone, but their basic size doesn't change. Other people can be thin, but it takes a lot of workouts and a lot of starvation -- literally, starvation! -- to get that way and stay that way. Some people, no matter how little they eat and how much they exercise, just aren't ever going to be thin. And yet, I've been told all my life that being fat is always unnatural, always unhealthy, always unattractive, always bad, and always the fault of the person who is simply eating too much and not exercising enough. Some people are naturally thin, but no one is naturally fat. Frankly, I can't do the mental gymnastics anymore. I can no longer swallow the BS.
I have not posted in a while because I spent two years (September 2010 to 2012) living on less than 900 calories a day, while working out very vigorously at least for one hour every single day.
And I did not lose a single pound. I did, however, take on all the habits and all of the health problems of anorexia. While being fat.
Then, for six months at the end of 2012/beginning of 2013, I followed religiously a meal plan laid out for me by my doctor. After that, she told me to eat whatever I felt I wanted and needed, as long as I wrote it all down. I did so, showed her the spreadsheet, and she said she admired my choices. I still haven't lost any weight whatsoever. But now, I have an incredibly healthy lifestyle and an incredibly healthy body. My doctor brags that I'm one of her healthiest patients, and she never, ever tells me to lose weight. She tells me, in fact, that my own choices for what to eat, when to eat it, and how much have turned out to be healthy and wise. She tells me that my exercise habits are admirable.
I am done trying to torture my body and punish it for being exactly what it's supposed to be. I am done trying to pretend that food is my enemy and that eating is bad: It's okay to be hungry, and to crave food. It's okay to want the thing that keeps you alive.
From now on, I'm going to love me, and if anyone else has a problem with the way I look, they can look at their shoes, or stick their noses in a book, because it's not my problem.
I am healthy and I am luxury sized. And I am no longer going to pretend that losing weight is going to make anyone happy if they weren't already happy.
So, please, Captain, remove me from this group. I am DONE. cheese_whine
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