Edit: So I'm twenty now. LOL. Just an update since I've just now seen this thread after having popped back in this guild after so long and wanted to let you all know what happened for those who are curious.
Just to make things clear, there are a few things I didn't mention. One, yes I am pessimistic. But I'm also a realist. And I did have a pretty good idea that this thing I had with this man wasn't going to last do to his very unrealistic expectations. It was infatuation on both of our ends. I know that much for sure. He would continuously mention how I should move out to Canada ( in a joking manner although it was something he said a lot throughout our 'relationship'). And I just did not see that happening unless I knew for sure this was going to be a serious 'relationship'. Now I use the word relationship lightly because, as I said, I knew this was unlikely to last. Not only because of his unrealistic thinking, but because of how flaky he started getting near the end. When I first posted this is when our friendship went down hill. Those disappearances were and still are, by my standards, shady as ********. Do I trust that he was with me and me alone? Perhaps. But I also think it is reasonable to say that his attention frayed elsewhere and he lost interest. He started acting uncertain of where I fit in his life, what I was to him, how to address me, and our relationship in general. At one point he did call me baby in group chat and then immediately removed it as I'm assuming he became self conscious or regretful. At that point I'd had enough and confronted him in private. I was not rude, but rather firm in stating how I felt about him and how I'd seen his behavior over the course of the weeks that he'd been acting strangely and asked him exactly what it was that was going on between us. He referred to me as a very close friend when we were talking with others and other times call me pet names and say I was his girl etc etc. I did care for him. But I was not blind.
It took him at least a day until he could finally come to me with a response in which he said that what we had was special but he simply could not love me the way I wanted him to. To me, that was an insult as he had made it clear that he thought of me the same way and to treat the situation as if I was the soul person giving off such signals was ridiculous. However, I did not hang on to it. Nor am I angry. I simply said that I understood and said that I would need time and space before I could talk to him again as I needed to readjust my view of him and our now strictly friends relationship. Unfortunately he did not give me that time. The very next morning he messaged me, and being sympathetic, I responded and we went on talking as if nothing had happened. Minus the romantic gestures. As months went on we slowly strayed from one another to the point where it would take weeks for us to answer one anothers messages.
It was then that he began randomly messaging me, making me laugh, and catching up before asking for a favor. Usually graphics, layouts, art, stuff like that. I didn't mind it at first but suddenly I began to realize that it was only ever when he needed something that he would contact me.
I didn't want any part of that. I wasn't going to be used by someone who clearly only saw me as a person they could run to for errands. So I stopped talking to him. I removed, blocked, and ended our friendship without a word. Perhaps it wasn't the best way to handle things but for me it was. I felt relieved. And I don't regret it for a moment.
There are still times I look back and wonder if things could have ended up differently but I am not at all ashamed of what happened or how I reacted. I was careful, I thought things through, and I did what I thought was right by ending a clearly unhealthy friendship.
But yeah. Thought I'd share that with you all. Guess that's my first almost relationship. Thank you all for being there for me.
I'm glad its over. Now, I'm moving on. :]
Just to make things clear, there are a few things I didn't mention. One, yes I am pessimistic. But I'm also a realist. And I did have a pretty good idea that this thing I had with this man wasn't going to last do to his very unrealistic expectations. It was infatuation on both of our ends. I know that much for sure. He would continuously mention how I should move out to Canada ( in a joking manner although it was something he said a lot throughout our 'relationship'). And I just did not see that happening unless I knew for sure this was going to be a serious 'relationship'. Now I use the word relationship lightly because, as I said, I knew this was unlikely to last. Not only because of his unrealistic thinking, but because of how flaky he started getting near the end. When I first posted this is when our friendship went down hill. Those disappearances were and still are, by my standards, shady as ********. Do I trust that he was with me and me alone? Perhaps. But I also think it is reasonable to say that his attention frayed elsewhere and he lost interest. He started acting uncertain of where I fit in his life, what I was to him, how to address me, and our relationship in general. At one point he did call me baby in group chat and then immediately removed it as I'm assuming he became self conscious or regretful. At that point I'd had enough and confronted him in private. I was not rude, but rather firm in stating how I felt about him and how I'd seen his behavior over the course of the weeks that he'd been acting strangely and asked him exactly what it was that was going on between us. He referred to me as a very close friend when we were talking with others and other times call me pet names and say I was his girl etc etc. I did care for him. But I was not blind.
It took him at least a day until he could finally come to me with a response in which he said that what we had was special but he simply could not love me the way I wanted him to. To me, that was an insult as he had made it clear that he thought of me the same way and to treat the situation as if I was the soul person giving off such signals was ridiculous. However, I did not hang on to it. Nor am I angry. I simply said that I understood and said that I would need time and space before I could talk to him again as I needed to readjust my view of him and our now strictly friends relationship. Unfortunately he did not give me that time. The very next morning he messaged me, and being sympathetic, I responded and we went on talking as if nothing had happened. Minus the romantic gestures. As months went on we slowly strayed from one another to the point where it would take weeks for us to answer one anothers messages.
It was then that he began randomly messaging me, making me laugh, and catching up before asking for a favor. Usually graphics, layouts, art, stuff like that. I didn't mind it at first but suddenly I began to realize that it was only ever when he needed something that he would contact me.
I didn't want any part of that. I wasn't going to be used by someone who clearly only saw me as a person they could run to for errands. So I stopped talking to him. I removed, blocked, and ended our friendship without a word. Perhaps it wasn't the best way to handle things but for me it was. I felt relieved. And I don't regret it for a moment.
There are still times I look back and wonder if things could have ended up differently but I am not at all ashamed of what happened or how I reacted. I was careful, I thought things through, and I did what I thought was right by ending a clearly unhealthy friendship.
But yeah. Thought I'd share that with you all. Guess that's my first almost relationship. Thank you all for being there for me.
I'm glad its over. Now, I'm moving on. :]
I'm nineteen. I've never had a relationship before and never in my life would I have ever considered dating someone I'd met over the internet. I've always been very secretive about my personal life and I've never dragged online friends into my life offline. But when I met him it was different. Four months ago I started talking to him. He said he was 21 going on 22, I was eighteen at the time so that was a lil iffy to me. ( Im conservative when it comes to talking to guys in general, let alone one that's older than me. ) We immediately hit it off. We were so incredibly alike it was unbelievable. Say if we were watching a movie together (through tinychat since I didn't have skype) he'd say exactly what I was thinking. We'd gotten to the point that we were talking almost every hour of the day, every day of the week, from eight in the morning to two in the morning. And we loved talking to each other. He understood me in every way and even though we'd never met face to face he said he didn't care what I looked like because he loved my personality and how alike we were, and I felt the same for him. We eventually saw what each other looked like, him on webcam, and I sent a pic and we continued talking and watching movies together, talking about scenarios for the future, for four months. We'd hinted about me moving to where he was one day in the future and he talked about how he'd make me a basketball fan and all that jazz, we talked about family, and he'd let me listen to him and his brother and friends play online and he'd stream his games so I could watch sometimes. We'd talked about serious things too. What if we had kids, his pets, college.
This last month and going into this one things have been different. Something happened and he got really busy really fast and wasn't able to talk to me for days on end. I didn't know what was going on and I didn't ask out of respect for his space and personal problems. Things cleared up for a few days but then they got busy again. It started as four days before I heard from him again. The next time he disappeared it was for a week. This is the third time he's vanished without a word. The last thing he told me was school was starting and he had to go to sleep early that night. We haven't talked (on mic call) for at least a month since things got hectic for him.
I'm patient. because I care a lot for him and he's told me plenty that he cares about me to. I feel like he's worth waiting for. But keep in mind, this is my first time investing in someone emotionally and it doesn't help I have some serious trust issues, low self esteem, and have a tendency to be pessimistic when it counts. Of course, I always suck it up and keep that tucked away when I talk to him because I don't want to be a burden and bother him with my own insecurities especially after how well he's always treated me and how he's always listened to me when I needed it. And I always try my best to do the same for him.
Like I said, the last time I talked to him he said he had classes the next morning and he was sorry that we hadn't been able to talk more lately. That was two weeks ago. It's now going on the third starting tomorrow and I haven't heard from him or seen any activity on his end other than a few minutes a good couple of days ago and I decided not to bother him for the sake of giving him space. Three weeks. And I'm starting to get worried. I feel like I should know better, that he's busy and probably has a lot to do with classes. But the pessimistic, insecure, trust-issues-for-lyfe side of me wants to say he just isn't into me anymore. And it doesn't help that my sister is telling me to forget about him and just ditch him. (Which I refuse to do until he tells me it's over).
So what do i do, ladies? My first 'relationship', long distance, online, and I'm constantly running into the what ifs and the blues. What's a girl to do?
This last month and going into this one things have been different. Something happened and he got really busy really fast and wasn't able to talk to me for days on end. I didn't know what was going on and I didn't ask out of respect for his space and personal problems. Things cleared up for a few days but then they got busy again. It started as four days before I heard from him again. The next time he disappeared it was for a week. This is the third time he's vanished without a word. The last thing he told me was school was starting and he had to go to sleep early that night. We haven't talked (on mic call) for at least a month since things got hectic for him.
I'm patient. because I care a lot for him and he's told me plenty that he cares about me to. I feel like he's worth waiting for. But keep in mind, this is my first time investing in someone emotionally and it doesn't help I have some serious trust issues, low self esteem, and have a tendency to be pessimistic when it counts. Of course, I always suck it up and keep that tucked away when I talk to him because I don't want to be a burden and bother him with my own insecurities especially after how well he's always treated me and how he's always listened to me when I needed it. And I always try my best to do the same for him.
Like I said, the last time I talked to him he said he had classes the next morning and he was sorry that we hadn't been able to talk more lately. That was two weeks ago. It's now going on the third starting tomorrow and I haven't heard from him or seen any activity on his end other than a few minutes a good couple of days ago and I decided not to bother him for the sake of giving him space. Three weeks. And I'm starting to get worried. I feel like I should know better, that he's busy and probably has a lot to do with classes. But the pessimistic, insecure, trust-issues-for-lyfe side of me wants to say he just isn't into me anymore. And it doesn't help that my sister is telling me to forget about him and just ditch him. (Which I refuse to do until he tells me it's over).
So what do i do, ladies? My first 'relationship', long distance, online, and I'm constantly running into the what ifs and the blues. What's a girl to do?
